I put my AC in!!!!

Along with being a historic day, it's a day when I feel a bit like an incredible moron...as i've gone sans air conditioning in my bedroom since the summer of '99...when i've HAD an AC sitting on the closet floor all that time. But I've been afraid to put it in because it's so heavy...and, oh yeah, because it fell out the window in October '99 when I took it out after that one gloriously cool summer. In a nutshell, i've been panicked since then about it falling out. Ridiculous, I know. SIX AND A HALF summers of sweating...for absolutely no reason. I've tried to put it in since then a couple times...but always backed off because the thing is JUST so heavy. Not to lift...i'm a strong lad. I can carry it myself. But it's bulky to put in a window...on the third floor. And, no, I never asked anyone to help. I'm TRULY sitting here now wondering WHY THE FUCK I never did this before today. Because I DID IT today. And I did it ALONE. And my room is now delightfully icy and I can't WAIT to go to sleep in those conditions! How sad that an AC is like a novelty to me. I'm like a Katrina victim. I did a test run yesterday, using the window in the kitchen with the fire escape on it, so if it fell, it'd fall a whopping 3 inches. And surprise, surprise...I put the fucker RIGHT in, without any problem, by myself, instantly proving that my hesistance was all psychological. It was like a medical breakthrough, I was so overjoyed. This whole thing, I must say, is merely another part of my All Encompassing ACTION IN '06! personal mission statement...but you're tired of reading about THAT, right?!?! Ha! It's true, though. And so...it's been a damn good Monday...THE LAST DAY OF JULY!!!!! Waaaahhhhhhhhhh!! Ended on a high note...the total opposite of this month's miserable start...thank GOD. I went for a nice long bike ride tonight -- the length of the Hoboken waterfront and back. Also just SAT my ass on a bench along the water for 45 minutes...and did nothing. No reading. No music. No organizing. Just sat, watched the water and skyline and people go by. Most calming. And now, at 2am, I will move the car out of the bus stop so I don't get another infuriating ticket...and enjoy a leisurely Last Night of July 2am walk. Adios, July...you hot sonofabitch.

The late night sound of a faraway motorcycle...

Am I the only one who has, for years, found this to be the MOST awesome, dreamy, and yes, sad, sound? You know...the windows are open, it's 1am, and out of nowhere, you hear the loud roar of a motorcycle being revved full-throttle...and you listen to it until it fades away into the night. It always makes me want to be ON that bike...speeding down a highway...to parts unknown. I always wonder WHO is on that bike and where they're going. And it always reminds me of the shore...don't really know why. I think it could be another childhood holdover memory...that must be it...of being in a bungalow in Ocean Beach, NJ, or better, outside of it in the yard, late at night, with the sky clear above, that ocean air, and sandwiched between North and South Rt. 35. And motorcycles would speed down those roads till all hours, and I'd wonder what it's like to be a thrill-seeking adult. I still wonder. I'd also hear that sound from my aunt's patio in summer, now that I think of it. Sigh. So, yeah, the sound of a far-off motorcycle, especially in the dead of night...most evocative. I smell a fire now...always makes me panic...not MY house on fire?! Seems close, yet I hear no sirens. Good day today...drinking beer and wine and having lots of food and witty banter at a graduation fest. Off to read now. I hope to hear a bike...

Jersey City wilderness!

Here I sit, 145am, and I'm again tired. I've BEEN getting tired at this hour lately...what the fuck? Not that i'll go to bed till at least 3am. But for me, this is alarmingly early to be tired. I DID take a long bike ride in the blazing sun today, then did some 2 hours of yardwork. And it's hot...did I mention that? I think it's the heat and all the reading i'm doing that's making me tired. So on my bike ride, I decided to seek out this mysterious Jersey City reservoir I've been reading about over the past year or so. It's been gated for years, eyed by developers, and cherished for sprucing up by nature lovers. It's 13 acres of woods and trails...and a reservoir...in the middle of Jersey City. I came upon several people fishing. The front gate lady was most friendly and eager to share the wonders of this urban oasis. I left my bike in her care and proceeded down the dirt trail to the water. Only stayed 20 minutes or so, but it was very interesting. And THAT was the highlight of my day. A good Saturday...the last of July.

The last Friday of July

That's as creative of a title and subject as I could come up with. It's 230am, I have a slight headache, and I just wanna chill out and read myself to sleep. Let me throw out there that i'm THISCLOSE to finally having no PILES on my bedroom floor. !!!!! Actually, they're so streamlined that I could easily toss them on a shelf or in a drawer at this point. But that would be cheating. I've saved the hardest stuff to get rid of for last...old bills and such...things that need to go through a paper shredder. I aim to start this tomorrow. Tonight, I began zooming through my "career pile"...Christ, that's a whole OTHER thing...but that category of "pile" has long been hidden away neatly. Let me be clear...i'm as bored, restless, frustrated, anxious as EVER...but i'm controlling it now much better than I have recently. Trying to ward off anger, depression, and -- worst of all --GROUNDHOG DAY monotony in small ways. But that's all for me to worry about and not the innocent reader of this blog. I wish I had the stupidity and indiscretion to ramble with naked honesty about every facet of my life like other idiot bloggers do...then I wouldn't have to be so sometimes vague and elliptical on here -- and more importantly, then I wouldn't have to ALSO handwrite in my old school black-and-white notebook, which is SUCH a nuisance. I'm so used to writing on a keyboard, but I digress. But i'm not a moron, nor am I an open book. And no matter how much I say, there's so much that I don't. And that's how it should be. I'm clearly NOT of the Myspace generation. Who ARE these people thinking their EVERY move and thought needs to be documented on a public bulletin board?!?! Mystery, discretion, even class...lost to so many. Of course, I gotta save a lot for my autobiography...

Park Slope, BROOKLYN...again, on the 26th...

I spent time at Stacie's apartment in Park Slope today...two years to the DAY that I first spent time at her apt...painting. July 26, 2004 was the first time I ever really went to Park Slope, and it began a period where I went there a lot. It began a period when I went to BROOKLYN a lot. Exploring, mainly. Wandering. Before today, the last I'd been to Park Slope was Dec. 26. ONLY I would know all these details off the top of my head. But isn't that strange? There's 365 days in a year, yet it's 7 months exactly since my last visit, and 2 years exactly in between my 2 times spent at length in Stacie's apartment. The symmetry of it delights me. Oh, and today was the first time I brought my bike on a NYC subway. Just another pointless little fact. It was fun.

"CLOSURE"

I detest this fucking word/phrase. It is criminally overused and oversimplifies most of the life experiences it's spoken about. I certainly understand the intention and meaning behind it. Sometimes, The Closure Event even actually fulfills the need for a sense of peace, understanding, or coming full circle. I'm merely saying it's become -- for a WHILE now -- beyond trite. Fucking Oprah-speak. And you can bet your bottom dollar that Oprah herself has had a HELL of a lot to do with this word's ingraining itself into the national psyche. The thing is, though, nothing is EVER closed. You move on because there's no other choice -- you're still breathing. Life goes on. The world continues to spin. You wake up, soldier forward through pain or disappointment, until things ease up. And they will. Hurt will EASE. But end? CLOSURE? Never. Pain or anger will sit there dormant in the mind, ALWAYS waiting for a trigger to open the floodgates again. The flood tends to lessen each time out, the pain not quite as deep...though it can be. Every circumstance is different. But that river NEVER dries up.

It's a feel-good Monday!

I'm in an incredibly stress-free, laid-back, "chill" mood...which resulted in wild, unpressured productivity today. After weeks of either being angry, on the verge of a breakdown, or away at my "summer house," today represented (yet another) Fresh Start. And I felt it and I ran with it. And it wasn't the day I thought it'd be, but I very quickly refocused my energies once I realized that. I'm trying to consciously NOT flip out over every single problem...or dwell on Big Life Thoughts that serve no purpose to focus on. In other words, i'm desperately trying to be POSITIVE and to re-establish my "cross that bridge when you come to it" mantra. I think when you DON'T think too much...more things can get done. More psychobabble. Just trying to explain in my 3am weird way how I've been so productive on a day where my mindset was that of a Huntington Beach, CA stoner surfer. July 24th...the middle of summer...I continue to feel the tide sloooooowly but surely turning my way. Are you bored yet, dear reader? I'm so zen today I don't even feel the need to tell ANYONE to go fuck themselves. Talk about an inner peace treat! God, i'm covered in bug bites and scratches. OK, time to end this rather boring entry and go read.

A misty goodbye to my Kenneth Cole black dress shoes

And Gary continues to purge!! I could go into excruciating detail, but it's 3:40am, and really, who cares? These shoes HAVE brought me to close to 30 weddings and a seemingly equal number of funerals. But now, they're in a trash bag on the curb. Time for NEW dress shoes. Did I mention they were falling apart?

LIGHTNING kills!!!!!

I love storms more than anyone, but I am neverendingly amazed at the cavalier attitude people have toward lightning. Without giving any sarcastic examples, let me just clearly say...if it's lightning out, GET INSIDE! Do I even need to SAY don't hide under a tree? Now once you run inside, even there you're not safe. You shouldn't be taking a shower, you shouldn't be on the phone, you shouldn't be anywhere near water or handling anything electric. Yes, that's right, just do as I do and cower into a ball on your bedroom floor, praying for the storm to pass. And you shouldn't be near a window...the one thing I DO sometimes do, i'll admit. But not always. Depends on the severity of the storm. I'm afraid to even hold a utensil near a window during lightning. Two teens were KILLED tonight in Montvale, NJ while playing soccer on a field. Two of their other friends were injured. Yesterday, a man WALKING down Madison Avenue was struck, as was an idiot, I mean, man mowing a lawn on a tractor in Queens. Both of these people remain hospitalized. People, for the love of God, respect lightning! It can KILL you.

MADONNA'S AIRPLAY...can you dumb fuck program directors and equally insipid public get on the fucking ball?!

There's an article in the latest BILLBOARD about the extremely curious disconnect between Madonna's awesomely successful, sold-out CONFESSIONS TOUR (which will air on NBC in November!!!) and radio airplay for her CONFESSIONS ON A DANCEFLOOR album. Um, I've been wondering this for months, but better late than never for someone in the media to finally, er, cause a commotion and catch up to my thinking. There was a time not that long ago when you'd be looked at like you lived on Saturn if you didn't know the name of Madonna's latest single. But, go ahead, can you name it? Likely not. It's called GET TOGETHER. And it hasn't even hit the Hot 100. Still could, but likely won't. It follows SORRY, which at least HIT the Hot 100...too bad it stalled at #58. Most surely know first single HUNG UP, which actually made it to #7...though that was largely due to sales and not airplay. What the fuck is going on? The argument (one of many, actually) with the unfairly-maligned AMERICAN LIFE was that it wasn't a radio-friendly album. There's a lot of bullshit in that argument, but i'll allow it the slightest bit of credence. And so when CONFESSIONS came out, every single review noted how dance-pop accessible it was...as did many in radio. All the idiots in radio. Well, here we are, eight months after its release, and radio has ignored this album, too. The idiots in radio will say their "research" shows people just aren't that interested, that "the kids" want more cutting edge music, that hip-hop rhythms rule radio these days. Bullshit, all of it...even though there surely ARE some "kids" who think Rihanna and The Pussycat Dolls are putting out better singles than Madonna is. These "kids" are idiot assholes with no taste. Period. As are the radio program directors who think they're so hip and smart and play the same fucking 10 songs over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over all day, every day. And I'll tell you, New York City is like the WORST for this. You hear more diversity in Bumblefuck, VA. This isn't the rant of someone who can't accept change or face the truth of an artist past their peak. I love Madonna, always have...but I'd admit it if her music blew. But it doesn't. It's as listenable as ever. And it absolutely should be alongside all the other (often inferior) songs you hear 20 times a day. Can a program director at Z100 or WKTU or WPLJ please get their head out of their ass and play GET TOGETHER? Or, at the very least, play JUMP, her soon-to-be 4th, and likely final, CONFESSIONS single? So i'm here today to do my small part in correcting this national insanity. There's even hints in the article that Madonna's been somehow banned from airwaves...that there's some conspiracy. It REALLY makes no sense. It's a platinum, #1 album from the woman whose current tour may wind up being the most successful ever by a female. And it's MADONNA...the most successful female singer EVER. Wise up, program directors!

Can children PLEASE be banned from some movie theaters? You know, i'd even settle for separate entrances...

Today was a momentous day...Gary went to a movie! By myself, of course...as always. It was the first time I went to a theater this year, finally utilizing my Loew's gift card from Christmas. And what movie at long last got me to a theater? CLERKS 2. I'm sure that's a curious choice to many. But it was PERFECT. It was the perfect movie, on the perfect day, in the perfect season, and I was in the perfect mood. CLERKS 2 for three reasons...it was a comedy, it was incredibly profane, and was set in NJ. Set in, if not largely filmed there. I yearned for more scenes of NJ other than the Quick Stop store...that I HAVE been in. Where it was filmed could actually be a 4th reason...Buena Park, CA. I found myself scrutinizing the details of the outside backgrounds...for both what another area of LA looks like, and also to see how well Kevin Smith hid the tell-tale PALM TREES that clearly are not native of NJ. I am sure I was the only one in the theater actively looking for palm trees on screen. Yes, I saw a few...way, way out on the horizon, mind you, but you can't mistake those beautiful trees. Oh, wait, this blog was supposed to be about my hatred for children...let me steer back to that. Yes, I DETEST children. Particularly children accompanied by appallingly fat yenta mothers in tight shorts that accentuate their FATness as they stand directly in front of me in the concession line, bantering with their yenta girlfriend as they order about 17 different things, while I glance increasingly furiously at my watch. And the kids are going MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY about the food they want and the video games they wanna play. OY, VEY! It took EVERY ounce of strength in my body not to scream WOULD EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MOVE A LITTLE FASTER?!??!? And people honestly WONDER why i'm not a fan of The Moviegoing Experience?!?!?!?!?! The experience of what...being enraged? So, yes, can't they simply have an Adults Only line for both the box office and concession stand? Must I come up with ALL the genius ideas? Or maybe even a Single Persons Only line. ANY line that gets me away from all the whining children and fat fuck parents. Ok, and that line should actually extend to ALL public facilities. And while i'm at it, relegate to their own line slow-witted foreign speakers who haven't grasped the English language sufficiently enough to ensure a lightning-fast encounter with ANY kind of ticket-agent or cashier. I also dealt with THOSE types in front of me. Christ, I thought they were applying for a visa, it was taking so long. It's POPCORN, bitch, POPCORN! Pick a size and step aside, you fucking whore!! Now, I know it sounds like I had a miserable time, but NO...overall, i'm very happy with today's moviegoing experience. Because I DID see a movie, I DIDN'T miss any of the movie due to slow-moving fucks, and last but not least, the theater WASN'T very crowded -- which isn't a good sign for Kevin Smith. I mean, a rainy summer Saturday at 3pm...shouldn't it have been more full? So I had my pick of seats and got to put my feet up. And no one really annoyed me in the theater...though I was briefly agitated by the incredibly old man being helped into a seat by a female companion about 5 minutes after the movie began. Um, did he even know where he was? Was this ancient man actually a fan of the obscenely profane Kevin Smith? Struck me as very odd. And let's talk about that language!! Oh, it was WONDERFUL! Not just curses, but racial slurs, lol...the worst you can imagine. So bad even I won't repeat them here...nor do I use them. But HOW refreshing to HEAR them! To not be so afraid and such a pussy and so politically correct! BRAVO! I have more to say on this movie, but not now. I'm suddenly yearning to opine on 2 other issues. So, in closing, fuck the children!

LIGHTS OUT!!

MY POWER WENT OUT!! I have much to say, yet i've never been more tired. I'm so tired that I almost didn't feel like looking both ways while driving...I almost just felt like hitting someone lol. I've had about 6.5 hours sleep TOTAL the past 2 nights. Don't ask. Damn, i'm so nice and tan now...finally! Anyway, so I come home with like 6 bags, including JUST bought ice cream...and I notice the street lights are out. Hmmm. When I start walking toward my house, I realize all the houses are dark. No...NO...NOOOOOOOOOO, i'm saying to myself. This can't be happening. But it was. And had been since like 3pm! Thank Christ I didn't get home till close to 9:30. I knew I had no power when I saw the front hall dark...and then the landlord appeared...with a flashlight, and gave me a brief rundown. Once upstairs using his flashlight, the guy directly below me came up. Awww, you see how misfortune links humanity! Wicked thunderstorms had caused a tree to fall on power lines a block away. Yet their street had power. Ugh. In fact, my house was only one of like 11 in the dark. We weren't a priority for PS&G, my downstairs neighbor told me. He'd come up to offer a candle or light...very nice. Ok, i'm literally falling asleep writing this. I enjoyed the blackout...almost sorry it's over. It was PEACEFUL. And different. I got to close these eyes of mine...

Bike riding through West Hudson

Nothing like a bike ride through the park of your youth...and ALL around the neighborhood. I took off for an evening ride about 9:15pm. It was 45 minutes of great exercise, curious exploration, and reflecting on the past. I have so many memories of this park, and a lot of them came flooding back as I pretty much rode around the entire perimeter. Sleigh riding...an offer to smoke my first cigarette at 13 -- which I'll note I refused, smart lad that I was...ancient memories of picnicking with relatives and being taken to the playground...and the jogging. SO much jogging. Yes, the endeavor I mercilessly mock...but I used to do it. Not sure why. I certainly didn't need to lose weight. Why the fuck didn't anyone alert me that weightlifting might have bulked up my teen years' concentration camp-figure? But i'd jog ALL the time in high school...and even after. In fact, the most specific memory that came flooding back to me tonight was from right after college...a Monday night in September '95 (specific enough for you?) on the day that I bought the first issue of GEORGE magazine. I just remember going to the park that night, jogging and stretching. Just insane what I remember. I was even on track and cross country in both high school and college...though I hated it always. But, fuck, I sucked at every other sport...surely I could RUN? Well, no. I mean, yes, I DID...but I was never the leader of the pack. My sides always began to hurt or I'd be out of breath. Nightmare. I really think I have some form of asthma or some breathing issue, because I could NEVER hold my breath or maintain my breathing well. Jesus Christ, what a bloody tangent! But sports and Gary never went together...not for lack of trying or even some interest. But the only thing I was skilled at catching was sarcastic nuance. (I stole that genius previous line from FRASIER, I must admit, but surely I get some props for utilizing it in my own life?) So I had a great bike ride to and through the park. Very relaxing. Perfect way to spend the last night of my "vacation." Oh, and I was also intoxicated by the smell of "the woods." I REALLY need to go camping or to the mountains or something. I miss the woods. There's no people there...ideal. Just trees and grass and rocks and streams and birds and gravel roads. Wonderful!!

My "summer house" stay is doing me well

I remain VERY oddly at ease, utterly devoid of the laundry list of usual stresses. I'm not questioning it. It's extra gratifying given how down in the dumps I was less than 2 weeks ago. It's almost 3am and I don't feel like writing much. Today was a good day, though. Some productive errands, some yard work, some riding around blaring the radio. It was the last night of Madonna's NYC shows...and for the 2nd tour in a row, I missed out. Heavy sigh. I'll survive. I was reading a study on diet ice creams before, and the results delighted me...Breyer's was FAR and away the worst-tasting one. They can't even do diet right. I have been raging against Breyer's for YEARS...more or less to bewildered looks. It's ICY...ugh. Not creamy and rich at all. Well, everyone ELSE is wrong, because Breyer's sucks. Your taste buds are clearly not refined if you consider Breyer's to be the best in store-bought ice cream. Having just said that, I discovered a mere 2 days ago Breyer's double churned ice cream...and it is FANTASTIC!! The difference in taste is staggering. It tastes like Turkey Hill...mmmm...though maybe even better. So Breyer's regular and diet...blows. Double churned...rules. Period. Back to that diet study...Edy's diet ice cream was rated the best...and I can concur!! I actually sampled it once, and it didn't taste diet-like at all. Now they didn't sample Turkey Hill, but I just tried THEIR diet ice cream last week...and did NOT like it. Though I initially did...strawberry cheesecake flavor. But with each serving, I liked it less. OK, i'm done talking about this. Breyer's still generally SUCKS...just wanted to make that clear. I'm right. The rest of you are all wrong.

Mother of God, HOW can I cool off from this stifling heat, WCBS?!?!

My patience level for the media's hyping of the, um, so-called HEAT WAVE has reached its breaking point. You can substitute any of the local NYC stations for the CBS affiliate I mention in this blog title...although CBS was the only one who felt compelled to put a big ass HEAT ALERT graphic (in orange and red shades, of course) in the bottom left corner of the TV all day, complete with the current temperature. Just to remind us, I guess, that it's, well, hot out if we choose to step outside. No, if we DARE to step outside. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, it's 95 now!! In the middle of JULY?!?!?! It just...it just CAN'T BE!! Let's be clear about this crippling heat wave...it lasted all of 3 days, was relatively devoid of suffocating humidity, and NEVER even reached 100 degrees...either in NYC or Newark. In other words...NOTHING historic about it...a TYPICAL July day. And yet the team coverage continued. Sure, there were power problems...not only with buildings, but rail lines and even LaGuardia. But NOTHING that couldn't be reported calmly and with some sense of perspective. It wasn't the Blackout of '77 or '03 again. Swarms of citizens haven't been dying from the heat. The temperature hasn't soared past 100 for days on end. It was merely...hot. Yet we were told for the 394,287th time how to cool off and avoid dropping dead. "Click on the WCBS-TV website for a list of ways to keep cool." Um, if you're over the age of 5, and don't know how to quench your thirst with water, or to seek an air-conditioned building, or to wear light-colored, loose-fitting clothes in the heat...you're actually fucking retarded and should be put in a special needs home. Having said that, I AM amazed at the number of people who continue to jog in this heat, and say things on camera like, "I know my body and how far to push it." I can't help but KINDA wish they fall victim to heat stroke. Because they're JUST that dumb. And we have the eye-opening news stories on "what people are doing to cool off!" Let me guess...jumping in a crowded, urine-soaked city pool? Or going to the ocean? Or taking in a movie? I'll hazard a guess that they're NOT all gonna drink coffee on a patch of asphalt to cool themselves down. But my ultimate NEW favorite is the concept of COOLING CENTERS...otherwise known as BUILDINGS WITH AC. From what I can ascertain, these are the same senior citizen centers or recreation department buildings that have stood for years. But now they're collectively dubbed COOLING CENTERS so Joe Public knows he can come here to sit and stare at the wall for a few hours and cool himself. Then again, he may drop dead on the walk over. Now for true white trash, we still have things called STORES. Yes, go to a STORE. Because they're cool, you know? Walmart, K-Mart, a supermarket. Doesn't matter. Just go and lurk. Cool off. But don't tell anyone and ruin the big secret that these STORES exist. WCBS would surely let everyone know within minutes...probably in a scroll at the bottom of your TV screen, next to that giant HEAT ALERT icon.

TWA Flight 800...a decade later

I just had to note this anniversary. I can't believe it's been 10 years. I remember it so clearly. Haunting for so many reasons. I have nothing eloquent to say. Just that I remember.

2am & 83 degrees...

And yet i'm still not THAT impressed. Anytime the temperature doesn't get BELOW 80 degrees at night is an impressive feat, but if you figure the temp drops a degree an hour, tonight will be on the borderline. I just stepped outside...it's sultry, but truly not THAT bad. I have a very perceptive memory for middle-of-the-night heat. It's been hotter AND more humid at this hour. In fact, I'm not 100% on this, but i'm PRETTY sure I recall an all-time "record high low" at Newark several years ago...of 86. THINK about that...that's like Vegas or Phoenix. And again the media hype...insane. It's July...it's hot...period. I recall heat waves where for 2 weeks the temp was above 90. Now they have "team coverage" for two DAYS. And it didn't even hit 100 today...boo!! It hit 98 at Newark and 95 at Central Park. Jesus, this blog is starting to resemble my old daily weather records that I kept for years like the freak child and teen that I was. Yes, that's right...like Benjamin Franklin, I'd record the daily weather. Did you note how I just compared myself to Ben Franklin? Yup, that's me saying "sure, mock me, but i'm a FUCKING GENIUS!" I still have these records. Feel free to come by the house. I can pour you a cup of tea as you seek out a specific date's weather from the late 80s. I kept this weather-recording up through the start of college, but then things like drinking and hanging out took precedence. I AM a man of records and lists. Well, it's been a damn good Monday. A damn good start to the week. Financial hurdles were crossed successfully. Things got done. Hilarious emails from The Hungarian were read. My state of mind...REMARKABLY good-spirited. I mean EXCELLENT. I attribute this to many things, especially my current "summer house" stay...which is surprising, given its non-exotic locale. But i'm not overthinking.

Is there ANYthing more grand than sitting outdoors...at 2:30am?

I just posed that question to myself...and Spike the dog...as I sat on the back porch in my flip-flops, wife beater, comfy shorts and now-trademark askew "because i'm JUST that cool" hat. It's just midsummer, balmy perfection outside...and tomorrow night will be even better, after our predicted high around THE CENTURY MARK! I am PRAYING it hits 100 degrees. I do so love weather extremes...even though I'd be bitching and moaning sans-AC if I wasn't at my "summer house" this week. Talk about excellent timing! It is indeed supposed to hit at least 100...which would be the first time in 4 or 5 years. It's 5 years for Central Park, but i'm not sure about Newark. Absolutely no one reading this gives a flying fuck about where and when it last hit 100 degrees. But it's my blog, so fuck off. I do recall that historic Summer of '01...feeling like I was gonna faint in my apartment when it hit like 106. Yes, 106. But again, that was in Newark, not Central Park. Actually, I think Newark has hit 107 within the past decade...the all-time high. But Central Park has yet to shatter its all-time high of 106, set in 1936, I believe. I YEARN yearly for this record to crumble. Is it wrong to hope for another blackout, too? Gosh, the one in August '03 was so much fun! But i'm really getting off point here. ALL I wanted to say was how much I treasure sitting outside in the fresh air in the quiet still of a suburban yard in the middle of the night. More people should do it. GO! GO out to your yards, or stoops, or roofs in the dead of night! And just SIT. Bring a beverage. Do NOT bring your cellphone. Reading material is optional. Sometimes it's just nice to sit and stare. A dog by your side is a lovely addition. Just stare at the moon, stars, greenery of the yard. Or at the plane flying overhead...wonder who's on that plane and where it's going. Just sit there. Because it's summer. And you don't need a jacket. There's zero planning involved in walking outside in the summer. You just go as you are. It's summer, and everything is different.

Here we are...SUMMER'S DIVIDING LINE

JULY 15...the halfway point of summer. Today ends the first half. The 2nd half beckons...which always seems to hold the most memories for me...so that keeps me optimistic. I've said it 1,000 times, and i'll say it 5,000 more...AUGUST is my month. But we're getting ahead of ourselves...the last 2 weeks of July are fun, too. It just NEVER fails to amaze, though...yes, that's right...how fast it all goes. HOW can it be the middle of July already?! But fuck wistful heavy sighing. I'm actually not in the mood! I'm in a good mood. I'm at my "Summer House" for this significant halfway point...enjoying a change of venue, air conditioning, and my favorite white dog. And the highlight of my day was having a cappuccino with 4 old ladies. OK, i'm being a TAD facetious...but just a tad. In fact, it was during this surreal experience that I learned about a girl from high school...whom I later googled...and then emailed. One of the old ladies was her aunt. Life's little surprises...in the oddest of situations. And where IS this intoxicating high school female? Why, LOS ANGELES, of course...

"Boston" by AUGUSTANA

This is a song I dare you not to be moved by. I'm anxious to hear it again to see if my first impression remains. I'd fallen asleep on the couch with the TV on. It was about 5am when I began to stir awake. My eyes were closed when I heard the piano, which immediately captivated me, not to mention filling me with melancholy. I soon found the lyrics equally moving. Capping things off...the video -- surely shot on a California beach. The video is nothing but foaming ocean, sand and golden sunlight. It is all just achingly beautiful. It completely depressed me, mind you, just as I needed to head to bed...with the sun rising in my northern-facing window. Yet it's the best thing i've heard in ages.

I LOVE my ROOF!!

Twice I scaled the fire escape tonight to get to my roof. First, at dusk. Then, at about 11:20pm to see where the fireworks were that I heard booming for about a half hour. I couldn't see them from any window. Then Ch. 2's weatherman even mentioned hearing "noise" outside the studio, even thought it may be thunder. Is he an idiot? Though not seeing any pretty displays, I DID wonder if maybe we were being bombed with some kind of deadly gas. But no. They were being lit on the Hudson in the 50s. Why, who knows. Anyway, the view is as spectacular as ever. Watching fireworks over the skyline of one of the world's top cities...from my roof! I'm a lucky bastard to have this view. Yes, i'm in Counting My Blessings mode. There was even a mostly full moon to add to the visual appeal. And the weather...incredible! Vaguely September-ish. Actually, right now in this apartment, I feel like i'm at the beach. There's a refreshing breeze bringing in some of the smell of the reservoir, the humidity is low, the cricketts are chirping, a faint whiff of honeysuckle in the air, too. The sultry air of yesterday is gone...though today is a brief respite before our first big heat wave. It is just the essence of summertime. And I saw a PBS Ken Burns documentary before on the old Palisades Amusement Park, completing the summery feel. Made me feel wistful for a place that closed before I was even born. Also made me yearn for a boardwalk. Me gots to get to one, stat! A beach, too, for that matter.

Lightning getting closer...nighttime air hot as an oven...a balmy breeze...while sitting on the front porch

Ahhhhh...just a complete joy! In fact, an approaching summer thunderstorm, at night, only evidenced by lightning, on one of the most sultry nights of the year, while the warm breeze kicks up, experienced as one sits outside...well, it's one of the top joys in all of life. The air tonight is what I DREAM about on the coldest day of the year...honestly, like i'm in the Caribbean. Just clogged with humidity. Like the ocean is steps away. God, it's glorious. And let's not forget that breeze...completely refreshing. I JUST wanna bottle this feel and smell. And I always get a kick out of timing my ShopRite bike rides to the radar. Within 10 minutes of getting home, it was monsooning. But while I was out, fetching my half-price Entenmann's donuts (I've already inhaled 3 of the 12), it was glorious! Just that lightning...

TORNADO!!!!!

A tornado struck down in Westchester County this afternoon, the town of Hawthorne specifically. VERY exciting...well, to me, a weather buff. As exciting as it is, it also scares me. We have ALL been under a tornado watch, which remains in effect till 8pm. Just being under a watch is kind of a fun novelty, so when one actually struck down...YEEHAH! The skies here got very eerie...that telltale greenish haze associated with tornadoes. I've been ready to race to safety...with my camera, of course. I have SUCH a great, sweeping view from my living room...I YEARN to see a funnel cloud from here. Now, the media has been sent into hilarious hyperbole over this. Listening to their dire and condescending reporting, stupid ass questions and commentary...hilarious and infuriating at once. Lecturing us on live power wires and the like. Example...a Ch. 2 reporter incredulously stating, "and NOW...the sun is out! Unbelievable!" Yeah, fucking really shocking...the sun coming out after a rainstorm. WOW!! And Sam Champion has been able to show us how smart he is on so many levels it's dizzying. He just LOVES when he gets extra airtime. And, of course, no other news has been reported during all of this. Nonstop tornado coverage. Oh, fuck, look...the sun's out!

It's OK to chill out for a day, right?

Because I didn't do jackshit today. The Mexicans woke me up YET again...about 4 hours after I went to bed. And it was hot and humid all day long in the apartment. Heat makes you more tired. I'm just tired, period. I'm even gonna go to bed in the 2am hour...early! The landlords are gone!! On vacation, that is. I'm gonna end the day by sitting on their bench on the porch...I usually just sit on the steps so I don't pass by their window in the wee hours. But they're gone, so Gary's LIVIN' IT UP tonight by sittin on the bench, under the hazy, orange glow of that full moon! So I just totally zoned out today...didn't plan on it, but it happened. And i'm fine with it. I DID work out a little. It was mainly Internet Day, though. Fine. Who cares. I'm tired of constantly stressing every day. I didn't at ALL today.

RACIALLY PROFILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHY is the NYPD "randomly" picking every 25th person to put through bomb-sniffing equipment?!?!?! WHY?!?!!!?!?! WE KNOW WHO LOOKS LIKE A TERRORIST AND WHO DOESN'T! STUPID FUCKING PEOPLE...fuck their rights and sensitivities...IT AIN'T THE IRISH LOOKING FAT MAN FROM IOWA WHO WE NEED TO FEAR! Hear me, someone...please...SINGLE OUT THE MIDDLE-EASTERN MEN, PRONTO!! I canNOT believe the ongoing stupidity on this issue. Yes, i'm irate...again.

So i'm wondering who commented the other day on "MY PILE OF OBITS" blog of March 5th...

You don't need to identify yourself. I'm mainly wondering if it's someone I know or a total stranger. I remain very curious who reads my blog...and HOW they stumbled upon it if you're not a friend.

JULY 10TH is a great day...a new week, a fresh start...

I'm in a pretty damn good mood, though I don't have many specifics I care to share on here. In general, though, I'm looking at today as a(nother) fresh start. Good financial stuff happened. Like "WOW, I can't BELIEVE I pulled THAT shit outta my ass!" financial stuff. And, as is the case with negatives, so it is with positive things...they tend to have a domino effect. There was no arguing today at the parents'. There was no anger within me while there. Yes, I wanted to run several people on the way there into telephone poles, but that's standard and totally justified road rage. Nothing to be alarmed at. ACTUALLY, now that I think of it, I even went a different way, and alleviated some of my rage once it reached the danger level. Today's boiling point was some blonde soccer-mom cunt going JUST slow enough to get HER through the light, but keeping ME at it...which then allowed a parade of other cars to get in front of me. Stupid fucking whore. LOL. Yes, I stand BY my rage...hours later. But other than that, today was good. Nice long bike ride from the PATH tonight...on a gloriously balmy and breezy evening. Yup, we're in the heart of summer now and I'm trying to savor it. A full yellow moon tonight, too. AND...the landlords leave for a 9-day vacation tomorrow!! Yes, I DO feel things starting to turn around after the sheer misery of most of the past 2 weeks. I didn't write in this blog the past 2 days...I realized that at 2am last night when I brought something out to my car. I KNEW there was something missing about my weekend...my blog! Guess I needed a break from that, too. And that completes today's paragraph-free rambling session. MUST...MAINTAIN...POSITIVITY...

PATH trains...the next to explode?

Forgive my glib dark humor...it's the only way I get through the day. So today brought the wonderful news that The Evildoers have been plotting to blow up PATH trains. Which one(s) and when, who knows. By autumn, in general, though. Yeah, let's give more homeland security funding to Eau Claire, WI. I'm highly alarmed by all of this...yet oddly comforted. Comforted because I've said from day one that I felt PATH trains were being overlooked by both law enforcement and the public in terms of there being a threat to them...and now people will wake up. I also can't resist pointing out now that my ongoing yearning for a NON-9 to 5 workday, I strongly suspect, works in my favor in terms of not being blown to bits in a tunnel under the Hudson. EVERYTHING job-related for me, to a decent degree, goes back to 9/11. But I won't get into all that. It's funny, though, how I continue to feel safer on the PATH than sitting in a bus in bumper-to-bumper traffic, inching through the Lincoln Tunnel. I guess because the trains generally keep MOVING. Sure, you could explode at any second, but you feel safer MOVING. So perhaps feeling safer on the PATH than a bus is irrational, but I don't care. I'M more at ease on the PATH, and that's all that matters. But it's not entirely irrational. At least there's police on the PATH. Who's checking the people getting on buses at every corner? No one. And THAT is an issue. Buses blow moosecock on about 10 different other levels, too, but this is a strictly terrorism rant. Anything can happen, at any time, to any train or bus line. THAT is the scary reality...of living in or around NYC. I don't think people quite grasp the level of anxiety and genuine risk the people of NYC endure on a daily basis. It kinda does make you wanna be a local shopkeeper in a Midwestern college town. Kinda. It's all about managing your fear. Or not. If you want to or not. Then there's the fact that I don't think a lot of people DO think about terrorism...why this PATH plot being exposed is a good thing. I am forever vigilant...not panicked, but vigilant. Another attack has been on my mind since Sept. 11, 2001. I hate it. I hate that I always worry. I hate that I can't totally relax, that I'm always looking around. Obviously, more so at peak travel times. I hate, too, that my fear of flying is EXTRA amped up since 9/11. On a side note, I hate that I can't leave my bike unlocked outside a store for 2 minutes for fear that someone will just take it. I just DON'T understand the people of this world. Why there's terrorism and murder and stealing and raping. Who ARE these monsters? Ok, so there's a difference between Osama and a thug stealing my bike...I know this. I'm PISSED that people JUST can't be CIVILIZED!! I sound like something out of THE WALTONS. My brother comforted me by saying "don't worry, Gar, if you blow up in an attack, i'll fly overseas the next day and fight for you." Isn't that sweet? The dark Irish humor runs in the family.

I feel drunk...yet i've only had 2 Tylenol

I took 2 Tylenol Cold caplets 1) because I had the vaguest beginnings of a headache and 2) they expired "6/30" and I fucking paid for them, dammit, so i'm gonna use them up. But I feel a tad odd...like a tad off-balance or something. So it's smart that I just climbed up the fire escape to the roof. I hadn't been up there in a while, and the sunset was a looker, so up I went with my camera. Did some light yoga moves up there, too, lol. I do so love my roof. I've been pondering the events of 5 years ago tonight. It's just...again...so strange that so much time has gone by. Crazy and scary. But I have no regrets about my decision of 5 years ago. NONE. In fact, I was re-reading some diary entries, and was vividly reminded of how miserable I was THEN. It made me cringe, in fact, to be put back in some of my 2001 moments. That's as eloquent as I can be right now. Oh, one more thing...my diary noted I was listening to Stevie Nicks' TROUBLE IN SHANGRI-LA that day. I listened to it last night...will again tonight. I also was listening to Fleetwood Mac's '03 SAY YOU WILL album...forgot some of the gems on that one. Just before I finally went to sleep, about 4:45am (ha!), I played Stevie's GOODBYE, BABY from the Mac album. Good Lord, talk about heartbreaking. Yet I somehow didn't dissolve into tears. Great song, though. Seek it out if you feel like drowning in liquor-fueled misery over any kind of loss. NOT the best thing to listen to right before bed, though.

FIVE years ago this evening...

It all ended...and began.

1am...still in a good mood!!

Been listening to Stevie and GoGo's, being productive...and realizing I double-dated my CA diaries on July 2...so everything after that was fucked up by a day. So I just spent an hour revamping yesterday's blog entry. What's most hysterical is how I instantaneously obtained a 1986 calendar from my desk drawer to meticulously validate the days of the week with the dates. See, my grandmother gave me a little cubed desk calendar...in like 1979 lol...that had up to 1986 inside the cube. I'm not explaining this the best, but who cares. Point is...I kept the cube because my gram gave it to me, and she died in '81. It's not THAT bizarre that I still have this and can have it in-hand within seconds. Anyway, gonna actually retire to my room soon...read, lightly organize, continue decompressing. I even worked out a tad tonight...always good for the mood. Even Dipshit coming home like 8:30pm didn't ruin my mood. Yeah, my fighting spirit is STARTING to show again...I say hesitantly...

6:55pm...I'm in a GOOD mood!!

HOW long can it last?!?! Another hour? Another day? Till the second Dipshit comes home from the shore? Not sure, not sure. Just enjoying this moment. It's quiet, it's cloudy, i'm sipping hot tea and getting some shit done. I'm NOT enraged or depressed. YAY!

Meet me tonight in ATLANTIC CITY...actually, scratch that

The casinos in AC closed today at 8am for the first time EVER...state budget crisis. Historic...thus, thought i'd note it. I'd like to GET to Atlantic City this summer...haven't been there in, oh, 5 years if memory serves correct. Five fucking years. How is that possible? I'm not some huge gambler, but I always appreciated glitz and glamour and skyscrapers and ANY city's downtown. And I need to check out the Borgata. And there's always the beautiful Atlantic. And the boardwalk. Can't forget a Jersey boardwalk. Ah, I could really go for a Kohr Bros. cone and some saltwater taffy. And a zeppole! Dammit, I need to get to a Jersey boardwalk!

Shocker...my mood soured

Merely pulling up to my parents' house, I got surly. Being it's not JUST them bothering me, I struggled not to take it out on them. So I barely spoke for almost 3 hours. Short, vaguely testy answers. I just didn't even wanna be there. I became exhausted for some reason, and dragged the plush chaise longue from the cellar to the yard for a twilight semi-nap. This WAS incredible...until my hometown yet again fucked me in the ass -- soon I heard sirens, VERY close. Laying there, I quickly determined that there was drama yet again out front on my street. Sure enough, mom soon comes to the yard to tell me there's a fire. Great. I don't move...only pray that a certain house across the street full of the biggest trash ever to reside on my formerly bucolic dead-end street is burning to the ground. Sadly, no such luck. Once I start prepping to leave and finally check out the drama, I roll my eyes at the fact that a shitload of neighbors have somehow congregated in front of MY house, anchored by my parents. Translation...I'm trapped in the house, because I have no desire to either waste time bullshitting or suffer through forced banter. Seems some jackass left a towel over an oil lamp or something, resulting in a small but smoky fire. Thank you, jackass. Because of Jackass, I was about 30 minutes behind schedule, waiting for the neighbors to clear. THUS...I emerged from the Hoboken PATH exactly at 10pm...just as the Macy's fireworks I'd planned on enjoying ended. And my horseshit 8 days continues. I'm not this HUGE fireworks fan, but I just wanted to sit back, chill out, and enjoy the view from the Hudson River. But no. Not to be. However, I DID take immense pleasure in speeding by on by bike past the ungodly bumper-to-bumper traffic clogging Hoboken. Are people really so stupid and desperate to view fireworks that they'll clog an already clogged city with hundreds of extra cars? Yes, they are. "HA, HA!" filled my head as I raced down the middle of streets while they literally sat there not moving. Insanity...but fun to watch and criticize. But then the BEST part of my night...new constuction of the extended waterfront walkway at the northern end of town resulted in me sitting there on a bench, basically unbothered by humans, looking at the city, listening to waves lap, and drinking a Yeungling I took from daddy. Instantly my new fave spot to sit and dwell. It's so deserted, I could sit there nude while chugging from 5 open bottles and go undetected. Hmm, there's a plan! So now it's nearing 2am, i'm back to being alone in the silence of the late night, and I'm pretty chilled out again. But the anger and restlessness and impatience remains pretty close to the surface. At least this fucking weekend is FINALLY over. I look forward to the semi-regularity of tomorrow. See, I still have hope...I can't be THAT depressed. I still have hope that this summer will turn around PRONTO. Or, um, as soon as possible. God, this breeze feels great! The heart of summer begins now...

LOS ANGELES remembered

I woke up in Los Angeles 20 years ago today for the first time...the 1st of 3 days in a row there. The first morning in Norwalk, the next 2 in North Hollywood. So I woke in Tiffany's hometown of Norwalk today. I did so enjoy that exotic Japanese Mikado hotel we stayed at in North Hollywood. My God, I just can't believe it's been 20 years. I mean, I guess it feels like it. It's sad, though. We spent the 4th of July taking a bus & van tour of Hollywood, Beverly Hills, and Bel Air. Had lunch at McDonald's, saw "glamorous movie stars' homes." I'm quoting from my diary of the trip. We had dinner on the 4th at the Jap hotel..."a nice waitress cooked right along tableside." The bro and I swam in the pool at night...I vividly recall we were like the only ones there, dad chaperoning. We watched Johnny Carson as a family (awwwwww) and I savored the balcony before going to sleep. I LOVE balconies!! "Does it have a balcony?!," my brother and I would always ask with heightening anxiety as we raced toward the closed drapes of any hotel room. Now, on the 5th of July, 1986, we toured Universal Studios, then left LA on the 6th, but not before touring 90210 and Bel Air on our own...and going to church. Heavy sigh. Eh, at least we sampled an LA church...fun! After bumming around MALIBU for a bit, we sped off to VENTURA, which remains to this day one of the towns or cities i'm most fond of in this life. Beautiful memories...despite how I looked at 13. And so now we're ticking day by day past 20 years since I last set foot in the City of Angels. My obsession grows like no one can possibly imagine. I'm not even entirely sure myself why it's LA. I mean, why not Austin, Seattle, San Diego, Portland...if all I want is someplace across the country to visit...or move to? It's so much. There's many reasons it's LA. C'mon, it's LA. Next to NYC, it's all about LA. Professionally and very personally, I just can't think of anywhere else I'd rather park my ass. Be cool to see my name and address ending with LOS ANGELES, CA.

INDEPENDENCE!

Would it be too nauseating if I somehow made a parallel between Independence Day and my OWN yearning to BREAK FREE!!?! Throw down those shackles, Big Daddy, and break free! That's my way of saying I feel a bit better today...but let me caution the day is young, and i've yet to interact with another human. I'm not consumed with anger, though, and it'd be nice if I stayed that way. Hell, I even had a PRETTY restful sleep. The Mexicans had OUR country's birth holiday off. They'll surely be back at making noise at 8am tomorrow. It's 1:52pm, and i'm feeling pretty good. TODAY is when summer truly begins, don't you think?

Miserable

Sums up how I feel.

Now that's what I WAS merely gonna write as of like 2pm. But guess what? HOURS of being alone, in relative peace, and being kinda productive has gotten me in a better mood. Though that's relative. After paying a bill in person, I went to the 'rents...who'd just left for the family bbq I had no interest in attending in the mood I was in. This immensely bothered dad. You'd think I was skipping Christmas dinner, the way he acted. I'll admit there's a perverse joy in making him (and mom?) feel bad that I didn't wanna go...but I didn't avoid the bbq out of spite. I avoided it because I honestly was in...HAVE been in...the most prolonged horseshit fucking mood i've experienced in ages. I'm irritated, angry, ungodly impatient, borderline depressed...more anger than depression, though. And I was in no mood to fake it for the relatives...or worse, endure the usual "what's new?" bullshit. So fuck it. It's not JUST the parents' asinine comments that have pissed me off. And when the fuck is this weekend over with already? Jesus fucking Christ, I can't believe it's STILL not the 4th...haven't we been experiencing "4th of July weekend" for like a week now? Anyway, I absolutely made the right choice. The rents' street was remarkably quiet, and I had HOURS of peace. Totally necessary. I did laundry, printed out resumes, other odds and ends...then went to Pathmark, ShopRite AND Kmart before getting home about 9pm. OH...can't forget my trip to McDonald's for a free vanilla iced coffee...mmmm. And now i'm exhausted from all the running around...and the heat...and yet another night of little sleep due to hammering Mexicans. I was behind someone from high school at McDonald's...I carefully made sure to avoid eye contact so she wouldn't recognize me, even though I looked worlds better than she did. I'm horrible...she was actually a very nice girl. Looks the same...but...eh, i'm not even in the mood to insult a nice girl. I'm sure I'll be back to form in a day or two. Can I possibly pray that today was the nadir of my summer? And that i'm starting the slow climb up from now on? I ain't overly optimistic...but yet hopeful.

My RAGE, unbelievably, only grows

At this point, anyone reading this surely thinks something's wrong me, I have issues, and that i'm a twit, bitching nonstop about endless things. Well, I dare anyone...ANYONE...a 3rd time, ANYONE...not to want to smash things to bloody pieces after enduring, oh, for about the last hour nonstop now, a high-pitched BEEP, BEEP, BEEP that is absolutely maddening. And do you know where it's coming from? Well, after about a half hour of seething with anger, I went out to investigate. Some very odd sounding car alarm, I thought. But no. It's what I can only assume is a FIRE ALARM...in an empty house...RIGHT NEXT DOOR. And not JUST right next door...but on the 3rd FLOOR of right next door...with an OPEN WINDOW...DIRECTLY adjacent to where I sit writing this. Is this HONESTLY fucking happening? What FUCKING ELSE can go wrong this week of my life? No joke, I almost feel like crying. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. What the fuck can I do? Do I call the cops? Can they break into a house to turn off a fire alarm? And what if there actually IS a fire...dare I add "lol"? This is just UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE. Oh, and don't let me forget this aspect of my rage...is NO ONE else in the neighboring houses being pushed to madness by this sound? I see no cops yet...so apparently, i'm the sole "unhinged" one driven mad by this sound. **BREAKING NEWS**...it's just past midnight now. JUST 5 minutes or so ago, a cop car pulled up. Now, of course, in typical overblown fashion, there's THREE. So someone else IS infuriated by the noise. And now i'll have to endure both the BEEP, BEEP, BEEP and the rescue effort. Should be interesting...not to mention unspeakably irritating. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. **FURTHER BREAKING NEWS**...GARY HELPS IN POLICE INVESTIGATION. A cop knocked on my apt. door..."do I hear the beep?" Um, YES, dipshit, I felt like saying. I actually said, while rolling my eyes, "yeah, for like TWO HOURS." I explained I thought it the apt adjacent to mine..."come in, let me show you"...so helpful, I was!! He leans out window, whips out a flashlight...bingo! SOMEHOW the culprit is on the ROOF of the front porch. And you know what THIS morphs into very nicely, don't you? That it's THE FUCKING DUMBASS MEXICANS WHO DID THIS!!!!!!! The ones who woke me up both Friday and Saturday have now severely marred my Sunday night with their fucking carelessness. Motherfuckers. I'd fucking steal their mule if I could. Teach them a lesson. One more time...fuck EVERYONE!

CALIFORNIA!

Twenty years ago today, I crossed the Nevada line into San Bernardino County, CALIFORNIA...the largest county in the United States I read today. I googled "Nevada state line" and found a great site that has pics and explanations of every exit on Rt. 15. Most interesting was 1) reading that my big WELCOME TO CA sign apparently is gone but 2) seeing the SAME mileage sign that's in my 8x10 on the wall! Mine was kinda blurry, but the site shows it as listing Baker and Barstow, which matches the "blur" in my own pic. Crazy...to me, at least. Surely no one else finds that fascinating. There's not much more to say on this issue. I think i've beaten it to death. Well...it's just funny how CALIFORNIA has become such a single-word focus for this "era" of my life. As recently as November, it wasn't even on my radar. Now, oddly timed to the 20-year-anniversary of my being there, but not BECAUSE of that, I'm obsessed by it. Certainly, my trip memories have added sharp perspective, though. I will end this night by listening to CA music...Stevie Nicks, Sugar Ray, Belinda, Gwen, Henley...ok, I may not get to them all tonight (it IS 1:45am now), but I'll start. With Stevie. And I'll play them in the coming days.

I'm gonna leave the house now for the first time all day, lol...be right back.

...Back! Wow...WHAT a fucking gorgeous night out! Breezy, 70s, just a tad humid. Took a leisurely stroll...just utterly relaxing. Then sat on the porch, pondering the start of the second half of the year. This day turned out 100% different than I'd planned...I did NOTHING. But, oddly, i'm fine with that. And i'm totally de-stressed, so I guess being around no other humans was the cure I needed. NOT a bike ride through congested NYC. The wind is really kicking up in its summer way...totally like a beach house in here. Perfect. Hello, July...I have big plans for you...though u'd never know it from today.

JULY

Welcome to July 2006. Oh, if I could only add audio to this blog, to demonstrate the SUPREME and ghastly NONSTOP NOISE I have had to endure since 8am this morning...and which I endured yesterday morning, too. And, I fear, several mornings to come. This has been the worst example yet of a day-to-day obsession my entire neighborhood has with MAKING NOISE outside in the morning. ENDLESS construction or bush-cutting. This time, you see, in the ongoing assault against every nerve in my body, the guy next door has decided to gut the inside of his entire 2nd floor. I fear the 3rd floor will be added once those occupants move out as well -- likely within a day or two. My house is connected to the house next door, so I might as well be in the apartment with them. They have ripped, hammered, torn, shredded, chainsawed nonstop now since 8am...for 2 days...on a holiday weekend. Adding to my simmering rage (can I possibly write the word RAGE more in my blog?) is the newfound discovery of a layer of dust...a THICK layer...across EVERY FUCKING SURFACE of my apartment. If you can't put 2 and 2 together, yes, the dust is from the internal implosion of the house next door by a band of illegal Mexicans. Yes, don't let me forget that...the icing on the cake...having to endure a gibberish foreign language being yammered by a bunch of surely-illegal Latinos or Mexicans, whatever the fuck they are. And so, I haven't slept remotely well for 2 straight days now. And now I have to dust the entire apartment. And surely start coughing from all the dust. Yup, happy July! Now kindly refer to yesterday's post where I said FUCK EVERYONE. No, no, I can't end my opening July post THAT way...too negative. I will now have my 3rd cup of hot tea and begin plotting where in Manhattan I'll take a "fuck and forget everyone!" bike ride. July WILL be good. July...WILL...be...an...immensely...satisfying...month. Repeat...

2006 is HALFWAY over!!

It's 3am on Friday, June 30. THREE'S COMPANY is on. And, as my previous blog made clear, I'm in kind of a horseshit mood. Which doesn't bode well for cheery "look what I've done with the first half of 2006!" reflections. I need the clear light of a new day...of JULY! Of a day spent bikeriding through Manhattan. That's what i'll do tomorrow, I think. A lighthearted movie would be nice, too. ANYthing to get me out of my boiling-over head. It's beautiful out now...cool and 65. Peaceful. The midpoint of the year. What HAVE I accomplished? I'm not gonna answer that now...if ever, in print...in detail. I'm pretty happy with my DIRECTION, if not all of my current situations. But i'm on my way, if I can maintain focus and deal with my ongoing rage toward fools around me. And a dozen new friends would be nice. People who called, wrote, showed ongoing interest. I want too much perhaps. God forbid. I put a lot of pressure on myself this year...and i'm glad. I look forward to pondering the mid-year point all day tomorrow. See ya, June. You flew by...as always...faster every year.