"SHV LB"

Can you guess what this means on Dipshit's to-do list that sits, as always, prominently displayed for me to see? I'll give you a few seconds to play along at home and guess...then you can scroll down for the hilarious/awful truth...

























"SHAVE LOWER BACK" *I think i've noted this dual habit of his (both the actual shaving AND the bizarre need to jog his memory by writing it down) before. I find it curious, though, that he now abbreviates it; he never used to. Did he guess that maybe I'd see it and react with appropriate mortification? WAIT! NOW that i'm mulling his body hair, i'm almost CERTAIN that he's actually left notes before to shave or trim his pubes. No, i'm not kidding. Yes, this is among my most appalling blogs yet. And, GOOD...it's been boring lately.
*PS, in case you're wondering, vacuuming and picking up laundry completes his exhausting triple crown of endeavors to vigorously pursue. Again...you need to WRITE THAT DOWN??

The Day That Wasn't

I was gonna name this blog POINTLESS DAY, but no day that you're breathing is pointless. Today was JUST one of those days...NOTHING got done. I didn't sleep well at ALL, woke late, remained tired the entire day, accomplished practically nothing. I'm only writing this pointless blog to add some meager justification for getting out of bed this morning. Ugh. At least the rest of the week is far more promising. What a waste, though. Awful. A day wasted. Criminal. I know better...I know to simply GET UP and DO SOMETHING when depressed or tired or blah. But I just kept sitting there. Well, I showered...always a plus. I won't bore you with the bare specifics of what I DID accomplish. In fact, I won't bore you more with this blog. It's boring ME. Goodbye, September 16, 2008. Rest in peace.

Daniel James "Reds" Gallagher

I still can't believe I was fortunate enough not to personally know anyone who died 7 years ago today in the terrorist attacks. I have people in my life, though, who DID suffer the loss of friends and loved ones on that horrific day. Those victims became the faces and names that stayed with me. Daniel James "Reds" Gallagher is one of them. I always felt the least I could do was read as many tributes as possible, so I hope you'll read Daniel's from the April 7, 2002 edition of THE NEW YORK TIMES.

July Fourth Traditionalist

Daniel Gallagher, born on the Fourth of July, was a fixture as the friendly burger flipper at summer barbecues. Last year on the Fourth, when he turned 23, friends went to his house to help celebrate, walking the block from his home in Red Bank, N.J., to see the fireworks reflected in the Navesink River.

He spent his last weekend with his large family — 30 people in a couple of houses in Manasquan. They all stood on the steps for a photo, waiting for Mr. Gallagher, who emerged freshly showered, his arms up like Rocky after running up those steps, said his aunt Bernadette McDonnell, whom he called Aunt Bunny. He stayed late on that Sunday, throwing a whiffle ball on the beach with his cousins. One of them, Christopher McDonnell, told Mrs. McDonnell later, "You know, Ma, God gift-wrapped that weekend for our family."

Mr. Gallagher would stay up late studying for licensing exams, but was on the ferry before 6 every morning to get to his office at Cantor Fitzgerald, where he worked for the international bond desk.

"Now," Mrs. McDonnell said, "I'm thinking, like Christopher says, all we have to do is try to get through the Fourth of July, you know, that first year, and then hopefully heal a little."

September 10, 2001

I've been thinking a lot today about THAT day, along with Saturday the 8th, when I'd walked along the Hoboken waterfront, naturally taking pictures...but only of the Empire State Building, not wanting to waste more film on the Twin Towers.

I remember the 10th so clearly, that Monday afternoon when I drove to Paramus and had to pull over in a parking lot because it was monsooning so hard. And then it cleared and was so much less humid, that wonderful rain-cleansed air as we experienced a beautiful sunset. And then I watched EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND. And I was looking so forward to taking yet another trip to the beach the next day, the weather forecast to be absolutely gorgeous...azure blue skies, low humidity, low 80s. I was up by 8am on the 11th, enjoying my breakfast on that sparkling morning, ready to go...

Gary gets a haircut...and learns a Valuable Lesson

That lesson would be that regular haircuts keep me looking fantastic. The last time I went to a barber before yesterday was LATE APRIL OF 2007!?! Ever since, i've trimmed here and there myself, but there's nothing quite like my hair shorn professionally short to make myself the most attractive motherfucking man I can be! So I will go back to pretty regular haircuts. What better way to spend $15 than to ensure that i'm never insecure about my hair looking like shit? Don't kid yourself, though...i'll still look in a mirror every chance I get.

Still feels like midsummer...

Hit 90 today, laid out on the Hoboken beach, even dipped my feet into the Hudson...thankfully BEFORE I spied the floating condom. And NOW, at 2am, it is simply gorgeous. Seriously, the best weather of the summer has been the past 3 weeks. Even hitting 90, it's not hot in the house now. It's merely a tad muggy...but the "breeze off the water" I have is beyond refreshing. Southerly winds are funneling throughout the apartment, complete with subtle "bay" and honeysuckle smells. It's like i'm in a Caribbean cabana. The crickets, too, add summery appeal. These nights are numbered now...I'll savor every blessed one. Adding to my joy...Dipshit's shocking trip out of town today, not back until Monday! It'd have been his first weekend back from his beach house...and begin my slow and steady descent into autumn madness. But, NO! My peace goes on!

An impressive Palin

Governor Palin proved herself fit for the game tonight. I'm not reacting to her politics here; I'm reacting solely on her speech's effectiveness. It was solid. She was confident, tough, combative, sarcastic. Also relatable and down to earth. This is a smart, tenacious broad. And she's got the bonus of being 1) a woman and 2) fresh and new. No matter what you think about her politics or experience, she's got people talking. Democrats would be foolish to underestimate her.

Let my SECOND SUMMER begin!!

On a day when most seem to be depressed about "summer's end," I'm feeling absolutely fantastic, thank you! I've said this every year since school stopped being a factor in my life in either late August or early September...WHY are people so bizarrely fixated on Labor Day meaning The End of Summer?! It's as if they're physically unable to move themselves toward the ocean once the sun sets on Labor Day. Groupthink, stupidity, and marketing deciding how people spend their free time.

At the same time as I marvel, yet again, at most people's stupidity, I urge you to keep it up, lest you infringe on my ample personal space at various beaches and seaside attractions well into November, and ESPECIALLY throughout the FANTASTIC month of September! And then there's the small fact that everything is SO much cheaper now...hell, the beaches are FREE, and gone are the $10 cover charges for the privilege of being surrounded by screaming, no-class Staten Island whores (don't ask for an apology...i'm not Mayor Pringle) and no-neck, waxed guidos, among many immature, drunken, often stupid, and usually irritating others. And the ocean temp is the warmest it'll be all year long. And traffic's so much lighter. It's just SO across the board wonderful after Labor Day. I'd rather it be June, yes, but I deal with the cards I'm dealt.

And why ARE so many SO anxious to rush, rush, rush their fucking lives away? Most of you love the summer, I'd guess...YEARN for it...then write its obituary as fast as you can. Then you're anxious for Halloween; it won't be long before some unspeakably agitating fuck plasters a pumpkin on their window in the middle of September. Then Thanksgiving, then Christmas...then "when the hell's it gonna be spring?!"...then yearning for summer again. Never enjoying the moment. Repeating the same cycle year after year after year. Then, guess what? Soon you'll be dead. Hope the afterlife's worth the rush for you. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to stop typing and get out into the sun. Summertime fun beckons! See you in Sep, er, December!

Labor Day report card

1) I never put in an AC!
2) Not a single fruit or vegetable grew out of my 3 pots on the fire escape.
3) Overall, i'm pretty damn happy with my Summer '08 accomplishments...though, as usual, there was much, MUCH more to do...like a picnic...in a field.
4) Wait, though...summer's NOT really over yet for ME...