Seth

I've spent the past 2 days thinking about someone I never met...a 28-year-old, Seth, who died a year ago today in a fire in his Hoboken apartment. I've thought equally as much of his family and friends, particularly one incredible brother with whom I've exchanged emails. It's all, as usual, a long story, and I really don't even want to get into it. But it's consumed my thoughts and I have this blog, so I felt compelled to express SOMEthing. I really don't know what to say...and I guess that's part of the problem. It's so unbelievably tragic, senseless, and heartbreaking, and I can't wrap my head around it. There's absolutely nothing I can do but say I'm thinking of them. I hate that these people have so much pain to bear for the rest of their lives. Keeping Seth's memory alive and fire safety are their top concerns now. So, I guess, in my own little way, i'm helping with that. Please do whatever you have to do in your own home to make sure you're prepared for a fire. No batteries or a lack of sprinklers are unacceptable when your life is at risk. Seth's death has resonated with me in so many ways over the past 10 months. I just wanted to note that here. His was a life on this earth that affected so many, including those who never met him.

Gary acquires a DVD player

Through a friend, second-hand. It was me or his curb, so why not? I find it amusing that i've gone till now without one. Yet another example of my plummeting interest in pop culture...rarely watch movies, and even TV shows bore. I just don't get how SO many watch SO much...investing time and interest in FAKE characters. But i'm too exhausted to get into that. Now I guess I'll have to acquire, um, a DVD.

PRESIDENT BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA!!

A pretty remarkable, HISTORIC day...despite the fact that I wasn't (surprise) really feelin it all day long. I'm well aware of this day's significance, though. I just hate the hype and delusion. SHOW me change...THEN i'll sing your praises till the cows come home. Empty rhetoric doesn't inspire me...though the fact that you're black and now the President of the United States does. It's rather frustrating feeling out of step with popular opinion...though, thankfully, i'm a bit used to it...and use it to my advantage. So it's all good.

My grandmother would've turned 92 today...if she didn't die in 1981. She would've seen a black president on her 92nd birthday. I know she'd be impressed. As would Auntie Rae. I'd LOVE to hear what they both had to say about this. Heavy sigh. Man, my ENTIRE life, though, would be different if my grandmother were still alive. There'd be a party tonight! Like there always was. Like in 1978, during a blizzard. I remember being pulled to her house in a sleigh. Jesus Christ, i'm now old enough to have vivid memories of 31 years ago! Shoot me. Unbelievable. It's ALL just unbelievable. So I'll have some Bailey's before bed and toast Grandma, Obama, and my 4-year-old ghostly self. Cheers to all!

Saying good night to Bush

Heeeeeeyyyyyy, everybody!! Yeah, my goal to more fully engage in my blog in '09 has been going REALLY well, huh? Blah, blah, who cares...it'll get there. I'm STILL "settling" into '09...my "soft launch" continues. Been busy with pesky, irritating but necessary organizational things. Can I be more general and vague?

Anyway, it's late and i'm still kinda giddy from getting the internet back after about 48 hours of Verizon fucking us, so I JUST wanted to note how it's the last time I'll go to bed under a George W. Bush presidency! I finally, FINALLY started to feel SOMEthing "fresh and exciting" earlier, about 9:30pm, as I went for a slow walk through the nabe, yet another fresh 2 inches or so of snow making it a MOST beautiful stroll...the way freshly fallen snow always makes everything extra zen.

The funny thing is, I was musing more on the past 8 years of MY life than the Dubya era. Well, just thinking about EVERYthing that has transpired since January of 2001. My life against the backdrop of his presidency, if you will. All our lives, too, though. The WTC still there. No war and thousands of too young men and women dead. I'm REALLY not feelin eloquent or like writing right now, so that's about it. I DID feel a mild sense of optimism...maybe INTEREST more so. INTEREST in what the NEXT 4 years will bring, how things COULD possibly get better in many, many ways...in my life AND the country's. They DO tell us it's change we can believe in.

It's historic and I know that, so despite all the INSANE hype, I will be interested to watch the pomp and circumstance unfold tomorrow. And i'll be hopeful...but, as always, wary and realistic. Goodnight, George.

My solitary start to '09

This day was a holiday. Both literally and in the way I spent it. I never left the house. I got up at 2:45pm (!?!) after dozing off on the couch about 5:30am, going in and out of consciousness till like 9:30am, then "going to bed"...where I continued to not sleep well. Breakfast at 3pm. An empty apartment. Sitting online, watching TV. Extremely relaxing. EXTREMELY. Much needed. TOMORROW I'll tend to the setting priorities, refocusing, actually leaving the house.

Today REALLY was about...Facebook. The PERFECT day for it. A couple of fascinating and funny chains about my disgust with 2 pressing issues. First, people who toss their Xmas trees to the curb on New Year's Day. Then, how newscasters constantly say "AN historic" instead of the proper "A historic." Pughy felt compelled to chime in and say i'm wrong...and has been arguing with me for hours since. I am RIGHT!!

But then things took a turn. I was friend requested by someone I worked with at CVS some 15 years ago now. Sigh. I have long wondered about a lot of those people...occasionally searching for some of them. I actually don't know a lot of their last names, or have forgotten them, as awful as that sounds. I'm hoping tonight's friend connection starts changing that. But then things REALLY took a turn. I found out SO randomly through this old CVS friend that a local cop who died in a car accident in September was 1) a high school classmate's brother, 2) was IN high school with me, 3) WORKED with me and 4) dated a good friend from work. It's crazy how 4 months went by without me knowing of my connection to him...being how much media coverage the story got. It's all I've thought about all night. There he is...in my yearbook. He was 2 years younger than me. Yet I didn't "know" him. I remember his face, though. And it just dawned on me a little while ago how I remember my work friend constantly mentioning his name during their courtship...this 15-year-old memory.

It's all so beyond crazy and random...every bit of the story. Far too complicated for me to properly get into now in the middle of the night. But it's terribly, terribly sad. And, I felt, a perversely appropriate cold glass of water to the face on the first day of the new year...a reminder, AGAIN, of how precious our time is here on earth. How there's no guarantee we'll see 2010. Or even tomorrow. And i'm NOT being negative or cynical when I say that. Not at all. It's just FACT. And I accept that as much as one can, and try to let it color the way I live my life. Try. I'm not perfect. But I try. Every minute breathing is a gift...and i've made it to 2009! Happy day! I wish myself and all those I love and care about a happy, healthy, mischievous, prosperous & well-balanced 2009! Time IS of the essence!