Putting my first cell phone to sleep

It has come. The day I've dreamed of for months. As of midnight, the cell phone i've had since Christmas 2003 has "expired." It was a mercy killing and I was with it at the end. It was HIGH time to let it go and acquire something that less resembled, well, a brick. Something with a flip-top would be nice. Something that doesn't start dialing 911 from my pocket as I lean against the sink to brush my teeth. You see, my cell is probably the most archaic one you could ever see in 2007. But I detest talking on the phone, so i've let it go till now. I'm not sure why in retrospect, but whatever. No big deal. It just wasn't a priority. But it was becoming more and more a nightmare to deal with...and equally a nightmare trying to explain to people why my phone wasn't "like the others." I made my final calls, used up all my minutes (oh, yes, it was PAY-AS-YOU-GO, it should be noted...fine by me), and now say goodbye to an era of my life. Kinda melodramatic, huh? It's true, though. I can't WAIT to get a new, smaller, more advanced phone...one i'm not mortified to use in public. JOY!

In other news, today was a MONSTROUS improvement over yesterday. WILDLY productive! Though i'm having a hard time grasping it's the last day of July...

Every day can't be a winner

And today certainly wasn't. It's 11:30pm and now is the best i've felt, physically or emotionally, all day. I was exhausted till like 3pm, which makes NO sense given I went to bed last night by 12:30, the earliest i've voluntarily done so in AGES. I was tired, moody, hot, irritable, mildly depressed. Ugh. Just NOT a good day. So often, Mondays really ARE shitty (sometimes literally for me). AND...TOM SNYDER has died. I LOVED this man. If you don't know who he is, don't ever tell me that, because i'll think less of you. SUCH a goddamn loss. SUCH a dynamic, fiery, entertaining personality...reduced to a minute-long mention in the MIDDLE of the noon news. Seventy-one years of life merits a 60 second remembrance. Wonderful. Cue another heavy sigh. I'll miss you, Tom...I already have for years. No one put me to bed more soothingly than you. What Tom did...is what I'D love to do. But then I'd only get mentioned for 60 seconds in the middle of the news. Yup, that kind of day. Fire up the colortini...

Donald Trump: "One name says it all!"

Is this pompous windbag remotely aware of the non-intended (I assume) hilarious reaction he invokes upon uttering this sentence in his latest self-promoting commercial?

Assfucks who won't jaywalk

So the very young and athletic young man and the vigorous big dog apparently both couldn't summon the energy to cross on red. Instead, I had to watch them from my car, rage building by the second, KNOWING that as soon as the light turned green and I wanted to floor a left, this FUCKNUT and his pooch would THEN step into the crosswalk. He had PLENTY of opportunities when cars wouldn't flatten him. Ugh. FUCKING UGH. I swear to you, my road rage only, and unbelievably, builds by the day. EVERYONE is a fucking moron. Earlier today, this car's going 10MPH up a very long hill by my house. I repeat, 10mph. As I get closer, I'm startled to see it's a CA plate. Not everyone, it seems, from the Golden State drives fast. THEN the complete fuckjob JUMPS THE CURB while trying to pull over. If there was only a camera on me to record my rage. Ah, but then it all made sense as I drove past to swing a left...A FUCKING ASIAN. And, please, save your letters...I don't give a shit about maligning Asian drivers. THEY CANNOT DRIVE. EVER. I'll go a step further...it was an Asian WOMAN...even worse. She had this befuddled look on her face, something like "me no know how I got behind wheel of car...that curb come from NOWHERE...this no rickshaw for sure!" I glared at her with disgust and resumed NORMAL speed. I've also noted how even on bike or foot, DRIVERS are going too slow for me...seriously. Jesus, i'm destined to be angry forever...unless I sedate myself...but then I'D be the one with no right driving. MMM, these $1.88 Oreos are GREAT!

The enchanting...Gowanus Canal?

I was walking down 4th Avenue toward the 9th Street subway in Park Slope's western fringes this evening when I stopped and said to myself, "it's DELIGHTFUL out, I could always stand to save $2, and I've woefully UNDERwalked the city this summer." And so, I turned around and decided I'd WALK to the WTC Path station. It was only 6:50 -- plenty of daylight time to explore. I was cursing my lack of a street map, but it kinda made it more fun. I prayed I wouldn't stumble onto an unsavory block...it's not THAT hard to be smart about such a thing. So I made my way west down 1st Street into an area i'd NEVER been before...and I was fascinated! I LOVE exploring. I was surprised to find little neighborhoods amongst the sinister warehouses of 3rd and 4th Avenues...old Italians sitting out front on lawn chairs, random bars and restaurants, both old and new. And THEN...the classic Gowanus Canal, notorious for pollution and dumped bodies...the epitome of urban decay...YAY! But what's this? Suddenly the street went cobblestone and narrow, and the small bridge, with its wooden planks and one lane, resembled something out of Madison County. An older couple on bikes stood on one side of the bridge, while I gazed northward on the other. There were rickety boats tied up against weed-strewn yards and parking lots. No, it wasn't Venice, but it once again cemented my feeling that ANY body of water makes ANYwhere more attractive. I need to investigate further...get my bearings map-wise. I know this area IS becoming more hip and being cleaned up...i'm just not sure where I was exactly in the big picture. There WAS that crack whore with her top falling off as she rambled out loud on a bike, but otherwise, I was pleasantly surprised by the area. THEN there was the area just OVER the bridge, what i'm guessing is the edge of Carroll Gardens. THESE few streets could possibly be one of the best kept secrets in the city. Soon, Smith Street riveted me with its endless bars and eateries. And then, I walked the Brooklyn Bridge for the first time this summer...glorious as ever and something y'all MUST do at least once in your life. Better yet, do it regularly. So, yes, i'm exhausted beyond human belief now. It was NOT the day I expected (THE SIMPSONS MOVIE will wait another day), but it's been a WONDERFUL Last Friday of July 2007. Explore Brooklyn on foot!!

Nothin' like a late night walk/THE CIRCULARS

Haven't gone on one in a while. It's not even that late. But walk I did for a few blocks around the hood, at a most leisurely pace. I'll let you in on a secret...there was a goal -- find the weekly circulars on someone's front porch. You see, I have a hard time lately obtaining them from my own house. Seems other tenants don't think i'll want mine. Yup, another reason to be irked. I mean, I NEED to see what's on sale on ShopRite, Pathmark and the A&P. These circulars are invaluable to me. And so, stalking the nabe under cover of darkness to "steal" one has become yet another in my escalating eccentricities. Although twice in the past month, I've encountered the immigrant Circular Man on his rounds with a shopping cart on Thursday afternoons (which is when they ALWAYS come, FYI) and politely asked if I could have one. "SURE!" came the friendly reply. "Thank you, appreciate it...have a GREAT day!" would complete this jovial sidewalk exchange on my end as I rode off on my bike. See, making friends wherever I go. Oh, yes, I also found someone's Commerce Bank debit card on my walk...SEE, keep your eyes on the ground!! Not that this helps me. I'll probably just cut it up and toss it in the trash...not like I found a purse or wallet. It's delightfully tropical out...perfect summer night! And NOW I will peruse the ShopRite circular before bed. PLEASE let OJ be on sale!

"Yeah, hi, I'd like a Bally's Recovery Shake, please."

"Because I need to RECOVER after my workout, and i'm sure the only thing that will keep me from passing out within 2 minutes is the $3.75 pretentious concoction dubbed a RECOVERY SHAKE. Certainly, the endorphins released from lifting weights for 2 hours while continually drinking water won't keep me upright. My, this is a lovely little racket you have going here, but then again, rackets make a GREAT profit from fools who have no concept of the value of a dollar, and in this case, also don't grasp that they're probably ironically piling on a ton of calories onto the fat asses that they just stairmastered to exhaustion for an hour. And I can't go home and make myself a sensible post-workout meal. NO, I MUST have a Bally's Recovery Shake! Oh, wow, it's made already...thanks...here's my hard-earned $3.75 that I could buy almost 4 Swanson frozen dinners with at ShopRite this week, but I'd rather blow it on this. Maybe I'll see you again tomorrow to buy a Performance Enhancing Shake, with some special "energy" add-ins. Have a great day!"

CAN I make it to August without installing my bedroom AC?

1) The thing weighs a fucking ton.
2) I prefer fresh air to artifical cooling.
3) The damn thing would obstruct my sweeping view of THE BIG SKY, northern Manhattan, and sunrises.
4) I save electricity/money this way.
5) I'm just plain stubborn and this is one of the many games I play daily to keep myself entertained. Little games to test my endurance.
6) I DO have a fan that's on nightly.
7) It really hasn't been that hot at ALL, so i'm really not being that extreme.

My bedroom...BIG SKY COUNTRY!

After TOO long of a time being in my apartment, something very obvious occurred to me last night for the first time...that I have a sweeping view of the sky from my bed. How many people can say that? Usually my blinds are closed at night, but I left them open to ensure the sunrise woke me early today. *Yes, I can also watch the sunrise over Upper Manhattan from my bed, but THAT I was conscious of already. But the SKY! There were a lot of white puffy clouds last night, set against a pollution-free, starry black sky. I wound up staring at it for like 15 minutes before I closed my eyes. I was transfixed. I mean, some people don't even HAVE a window in their bedroom. And if they do, well I can't think of ANYONE I know who has a "bed view" comparable to mine. I don't wanna oversell it...there's clearly many BETTER ones, but mine's pretty damn good. It's comforting to look up at the galaxy before I doze. PERSPECTIVE.

"Hi, I'd like to be your friend!"

More and more lately, I find myself encountering people I'd like to be friends with...but circumstances just don't really allow it. UNLESS I blatantly said to them, "you know, I find you wildly interesting, funny, smart, complicated, and a breath of fresh air...we should hang out!" Let's be honest, though...i'd be looked at as a needy weirdo. Heavy sigh. It's a shame...and terribly sad, actually. My doesn't-GET-more-genuine plea would be viewed as socially inappropriate and awkward. We'd leave each other's company, a new day will dawn, the Moment In Time will pass, weeks and years will go by, and soon we'll all be dead sans being enriched by countless great friendships that could've been...simply because we didn't wanna look like an ass. Something to think about. And this comes from a NON-shrinking violet. Yup, it's plain and simply sad.

Goodbye, Tammy Faye

Tammy Faye (Bakker) Messner has died at 65. I've actually been meaning to blog for 2 days about her...since I saw her on Larry King. Was that LIVE? Did she really give an interview JUST 2 days ago? I must investigate. She LOOKED like she was about to die, actually. She just looked awful. I've said it before...it's always funny whose death strikes you as most sad, but Tammy Faye's bothers me. I'm sure that sounds insane to many. She's known pretty much as a national joke. Sure, she was "wacky" and religious and married to TWO men who went to prison. There's a lot hypocritical about her lifestyle, but I think it's clear she really DID care about others and didn't follow the ridiculous God Will Send You To Hell bullshit that define most preachers. There was an underlying sweetness and genuineness to her. In the last few years, she wanted to inspire others who had cancer by being so open with her own battle. All very commendable if you ask me.

For twenty years after "the scandal," we all still talked about her. She fought hard to turn her life around, and she did, and she did so with humor. She knew she was often being laughed at, but she just soldiered onward. So I found it very distressing to see her as she was 2 nights ago, emaciated and frail beyond words. Someone so full of life was a mere shell of her former self. It was hard to watch. As a fellow human, my heart went out to her. No good person should have to suffer like that.

Also, somehow I'd forgotten until a few minutes ago that I was AT her theme park in August 1988 (the month I got my one and only PERMANENT)...the PTL's HERITAGE USA in Fort Mill, SC. I'm SURE i've mentioned this before for some reason. Maybe that's why I have this soft spot for her? I really DID have a ball there, lol. It was a great water park...though I could've done without the religious music blasting. It should be noted that we only went there because my cousins, whom we were visiting, lived a few minutes away. It wasn't a DESTINATION trip. In fact, I vividly recall us all openly mocking our every move. Respectful, we were not. So, Tammy Faye, i'm sorry your time on this earth was cut short in such a miserable way. You will be remembered.

ALTER YOUR LIFE with extension cords!!

It's just about 9pm on a gloriously refreshing late July Saturday...the last minutes of daylight in the western sky, cirrus clouds making a wispy, pink glow...northerly winds supplying a September feel. And I'M enjoying this out on my fire escape! I won't bore you with the excruciatingly step-by-step details, but over the past 10 days, i've FINALLY gotten "mobile" with my computer. Yes, it's a laptop (finally), but it's not wireless. One technology hurdle at a time, please. However, I was OBSESSED with MAKING it as mobile as it could possibly be. So, this 50-foot cord ethernet cable i've acquired, along with an obscenely long regular extension cord now allow me to ROAM MY ENTIRE APARTMENT with my computer!!! To compare and contrast how FUCKING GREAT this is, I was tethered to a MAMMOTH desktop PC as recently as mid April, and then had NO internet in the house for a good month until mid May. Again, there's neverending details with all this that would make your eyes glaze over, but Gary got crafty, fed up, and manipulative as he does so well in times of pressure (i'll stop 3rd person-ness now) and now things are GREAT! So great that i'm sitting outside for the first time EVER on a computer. Only a fire escape, mind you, but this could easily become my new office. I envision morning tea and OJ while surfing the net outside my kitchen window. It's SO peaceful...dark now except the glow of the screen. Ahhh. PERFECT for the first agenda-free Saturday i've had since...APRIL!?! That's right, i've had plans of some sort EVERY Saturday for 3 fucking months. I just realized that this morning as I wondered why I felt so "off." FINALLY a free Saturday! And I HAVE enjoyed it so!

Christ almighty, my inner thighs ache!

Every time I resume a gym membership, my inner thighs are what ache me the most. It's the one part of my body I can't say I address regularly with exercise. Think about it, who DOES? Basically only someone with a Thighmaster. But when I hit a gym, I routinely go on those hip abductor & adductor machines. To be honest, the initial reason I sought them out was simply because it allowed me to sit down, relax between more grueling benching, and survey my narcissistic/meathead tool/downright pathetic surroundings. I won't lie...it makes me feel better to see a morbidly obese Chris Farley-type struggling through a set. I mean, BRAVO to him for attempting to change his life around, but it still makes me feel like a million bucks in comparison. It does NOT make me feel good when the same type ambles into the sauna. Shudder. DOUBLE shudder. I'm trying to RELAX in there, not be forced to view a largely nude obese man. But the sauna's merely another area in life where i'm aggravated if anyone is in there with me. Yes, I want to be alone. Allow me to briefly comment on the 30-something white male in pretty good shape...who for some reason insists on wearing tight, pinstripe Mets shorts that usually look best on, oh, 4-year-olds, a non-matching (other day, purple) shirt, and DARK socks PULLED UP a good six inches. What's going on in THAT brain? I find him disturbing...like someone who just MAY have a handgun in his gym bag. But back to my inner thighs...oy, i can't even stretch them like usual. I'm pretty yoga-limber, but now can barely spread my legs. Insert your OWN wildly off-color joke HERE. Well, i'm off to the gym!

Operation Free Bally's Gym Pass, Part Three

A dear reader wanted to hear more about this, and so here it is. Yesterday, I went to Bally's to activate my 3RD free pass in a year and 9 months. FUN! The first two were MONTH-long, whereas this one's only for two weeks. But that'll be enough to get me re-buff (not that I was a bloated mess) and re-into the routine of working out. And then...I'll perhaps get ANOTHER gym's pass. CAN I hit gyms for free for the rest of the summer?!?! The amusing thing is how frank I was this time with the staff. "Yes, I've been here before...about a year ago (reality: November, which is still fine...you're allowed a free pass every 6 months, lol)...I work freelance, and I'm jobless right now, so I canNOT sign up today...got the promotion in the mail, figured why not work out for free." It was mercifully painless and unawkward. Ten minutes and I was free to start. I'll stop short of saying the guy was annoyed with me, but he was clearly aware that I was a savvy manipulator just looking for a free ride. MOST don't take advantage of these free gym things...let alone 3 times in 21 months. And now let me share a sight that I've never seen before...and don't ever want to see again. In the bathroom area today was some pumped-up tool...a Latino one...has to be 40 at least. I recognize him from my other 2 free visits. He's one of those ever-present Gym Tools. I don't have the time/patience/energy to go into the endless ways he agitates. But today, in the middle of the bathroom at around 5pm, he stood in a thong. But that's not even the offensive part. One of the gym employee "trainers" was kneeling in front of him, PAINTING some kind of tanner/glistener shit on his chest. With a huge brush...like you use on a turkey. I really have to watch myself lately, because the words ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! are becoming less and less ones I utter in my mind or under my breath. Did they HAVE to do that THERE? It's so FUCKING inappropriate. I don't know where that IS appropriate, but a public gym is just NOT the place. But why are you doing it in the FIRST place? Tools, fucking tools. Hey, I'M pretty cut up and defined. Anyone wanna come over and baste me while I thrust my thonged cock in your face?

So TORTURE is BAD, and LIGHTERS are now ALLOWED on planes...

What is WITH this ongoing madness about "human rights" for terror suspects?! Fuck, shove a scalding hot wire hanger up their pisshole for all I fucking care. If they're suspected of being or aiding terrorists, do WHATEVER necessary to extract information from them...and then kill them. That's MY stance. It's perhaps another way i'm "Republican." I'm so often pegged as a raging liberal...ugh. I DETEST being categorized in any way. SO much more to say on the Democrat vs. Republican, Liberal vs. Conservative tags, but i'm in a rush. So my other head-shaking, eye-rolling rant is that I just heard that lighters will be allowed on planes again starting next week. FANTASTIC! Way to go! I WANT to write something so bad now, but I fear 1) it's somewhat irresponsible and 2) it may have the FBI banging on my door, and WHO needs THAT? I'll just say that i'm SO glad we stick to our guns. I mean, SURELY the threat's over.

The summer of the $2.50 wardrobe

Ok, so "wardrobe" is pushing it. I've bought all of THREE things this summer that you'd wear...and all 3 have cost me $2.50 each. I forget if i've waxed euphoric over my late May Old Navy purchase of 2 pairs of flip-flops (one in gray, one in black after LITERALLY about a half hour of me staring at the wall of colored flops, picturing how each color would look on me and wanting maximum mix-and-match appeal) for $5. Two months later, there's not a defect to be found in them, and I wear them daily. JOY! I WOULD like a brown pair, though, and also a "slide" flop of some sort. Anyway, so that's all I bought until this past Sunday. Lazily browsing the K-Mart circular over my morning tea, I spied $3 sweatshorts! EXACTLY what I'd been looking for! Imagine my joy when I got to the store and saw they ALSO had POCKETS! I can't STAND not having pockets, and my THREE other "gym shorts" didn't have any....name brand shorts, i'll add. Now i'm very particular (have you picked up on that?)...I wanted GRAY and I need a MEDIUM. Ding, ding...they had it! It was the ONLY gray medium left. I was practically sobbing with glee as I rushed to the check-out counter. But it got better yet...they were 50 cents cheaper than advertised! They're $6 regularly, if you're wondering. And I've had them on daily since Monday...worked out in them tonight when "Operation Free Bally's Pass, Part Three" began. They're comfy, they're flattering, they have pockets, they're $2.50!! AND they match my flops! See, it really doesn't take much to make me VERY happy.

ENOUGH already with the Beckhams!

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sick of hearing about these two. He may be a great soccer player, but it's not enough to warrant this sickening amount of press. And HER? Well, ten years later, i'm STILL struggling to understand the appeal of the Spice Girls -- even though I liked a COUPLE of their songs and admit to having their second album, SPICE WORLD. Yes, not even their "BEST" album, but the even cheesier follow-up. I don't know why, either. Really, I don't. I hate it...it's awful...but i'm the type who usually keeps albums I don't listen to simply as a representative memento of a certain era in my life. However, I was/am so disgusted by this album that I've tried selling it for cash. TRIED. Even the used CD stores wouldn't take it. Perhaps I just need to try harder...venture into the city with it, not just random northern Jersey stores. You don't think i'm just gonna toss it in the trash when I may be able to score cash, do you? Hey, that rhymes. My POINT is that I didn't get Posh's vast appeal then, and don't now. Thank Jesus her NBC "reality" show tanked. I don't HATE them like other celebs (Katie Holmes & Ryan Seacrest spring to mind)...i'm simply not remotely interested...which may be even more offensive to them. So, Posh and David, here's the story from A to Z, you ain't in London no more, and you better listen carefully...if you wannabe...oh, I don't have the creativity...it's 2:50am...

TEXTING while driving...um, gee, IS THAT UNSAFE?

Lawmakers are "debating" whether this is unsafe. Is EVERYONE stupid? Of COURSE it's unsafe and you should NOT be doing it while driving. In the same way that you shouldn't be on the fucking phone while you drive. AND THAT INCLUDES HANDS-FREE PHONES because, SURPRISE, that's a distraction, too! **Excuse me...something's blown up in Midtown...literally, a street seems to have exploded...extremely heavy sigh...OK, back to my latest rant.** Um, I lost my irate train of thought, but let's just say I have zero interest in losing my life in a car crash because you have to text your fucking spouse to defrost the fucking chicken.

Wring out the sponge, Dipshit, WRING OUT THE SPONGE!

Jesus fucking Christ, EVERY move he makes, I tell you, is the WRONG one...especially in a Home Economics kinda way. Is it just me, or shouldn't a 30-something ADULT know to SQUEEZE the sponge in the kitchen sink after washing dishes (and I DO use "washing" exceedingly loosely, but that's ANOTHER story) and then to put it back on the counter in that thing called...what's its name...um...oh, yeah, THE FUCKING SPONGE DISH? Instead, I am confronted daily by a decidedly NON-STIFF, soaked-to-the-core sponge just laying in the sink, inviting bugs and bacteria of all sorts. There's 2 types of people in this world...those who think i'm a crabby, hard to deal with, fussbudget asswipe, and those who KNOW -- as I do -- that i'm ABSOLUTELY right in EVERY FUCKING syllable of my bitching, and that my cross to bear is being CONSTANTLY surrounded by the stupidest, common sense-free fucking humans on the planet. And I DO mean most of my roommates. For the 3,492nd time...HE. IS. A. FUCKING. MORON.

Do OTHER people (routinely) find $$ on the ground?

I found $7 on a Jersey City sidewalk tonight as I sped by on my bike. This is the THIRD time in 6 weeks i've found bills on the ground. First, I found a TWENTY in the Best Buy parking lot. Then I found a FIVE in the ice cream aisle of ShopRite. Tonight, a five and two singles. A grand total of $32 just laying on the ground. Yes, I EXPECT to find more. Ha! You see, I think it's all about Looking Around You. Yes, there's a bit of luck involved, too -- only at the last minute did I decide to take the route I did -- but I honestly believe I OBSERVE my surroundings better than most people. Having said that, i'm always shocked when I see the cash. It's like i'm dreaming because I really AM constantly looking for money on the ground, LOL...and then I SEE some and it's like, IS THIS REALLY fucking happening?! I really WAS scanning the ground constantly tonight for cash...and then I found some. Insane! But my whole life's insane. I don't really believe in religion or karma or any other hippy-dippy bullshit...but it IS very easy to say "it's like someone's watching over me." OR...I could say it's luck along with my being AWARE. Think about it, it's summer...tons of people are out and about...money's bound to fall on the ground. Just gotta be the one to find it. So look DOWN at the ground while you walk or bike and you may find a nice surprise. Mind you, I also recommend a cocksure, head up, back straight strut to exude confidence and intimidation and all. So it's a delicate balancing act. All I know is, I'm INTENT on finding MORE cash on the ground in the coming weeks! The summer of '02 had a similar cash-on-ground pattern. I'm looking to set a new record.

Read it and weep...or something...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070717/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/us_terror_threat

It's that time again...the MIDDLE of summer

Where I wonder HOW it can be July 15?! Where I assess how my summer's going and all i've yet to accomplish. Where I urge YOU to do the same. And, finally, where I say, despite all that, CALM DOWN, there's still PLENTY of warm weather hijinks to come!

I'm very oddly CHILL tonight

And it's Friday the 13th! I hate CHILL used as an adjective, but it serves to make my point. Since this afternoon, i've just been soooooooooo relaxed. Come to think of it, I felt the same way yesterday on my 2pm bike ride. Something about this whole past week...reorganizing, getting things done, making my life easier. Then there was the 2-and-a-half weeks sans Dipshit. But tonight's a step beyond all that. I'm just like duuuuuuuuuuuuuude. No stress. Things on my mind, sure, but an "EH" reaction to them. I'm gonna sleep SO well tonight. In fact, i'm dozing off now. The pleasant mid-July air beckons. Don't question these fine moods, just welcome them with wide open arms!

The NEWARK RIOTS: 40 Years Later

On this night in 1967, riots began in NJ's largest city. The city JUST across the river from where I grew up. The city whose tall buildings I could see from my childhood bedroom window. The city I've ALWAYS felt very affectionate toward and protective of. Yet again, I feel like i've written some of this before in other blogs, but I never shied from saying I grew up right next to Newark. I wore it as a kind of badge of honor. I also won't deny my lifelong desire to provoke...I LIKED seeing how peers would react when I'd say NEWARK. I LIKE to argue its case. It's NOT a cesspool. People work there, people live there, people go to school there. Good, decent people of all races. I remember going to Bamberger's on Christmas Eve once. My aunt used to work there. I remember Hayne's downtown, too. I remember going Downneck in the winter to a furniture store. Downneck is the Portuguese part now, the part of the city that never "went bad." It used to be Polish and Italian, though some still remain. My mother used to work downtown before I was born. It's from her that I heard about the National Guard standing at the bridges with machine guns during the riots. MY town...SO close to all that historic national unrest?! Newark was ALWAYS a factor in my life, always a backdrop to some story or anecdote, always the home of some older relative, always where some relative was born or died. I'd eventually become FAR too familiar as a visitor at St. Michael's Hospital. So, yeah, I have a history with Newark. It DOES have a lot of problems, but it's not all bad. And things ARE on the upswing...very slowly, but very steadily. Maybe 200 years from now, the riots of 1967 won't matter so much. But right now, they're still very much fresh wounds that continue to shape Newark. Forty years ago tonight, they began. On the 14th, people started dying. By the 18th, 26 people had died and there were more than 700 reported injuries. Unbelievable.

EVERY day is about DECISIONS

A pretty obvious statement. But it's so much more profound when you really dwell on it. I don't mean decisions on what to wear, what to make for dinner, what TV show to watch. I mean decisions that alter your life, whether it's big lifestyle changes or a more broad sense of perspective. That word again...PERSPECTIVE. Every damn day, i'm more stunned at how casually I came up with the title of this blog. I can't imagine a more fitting title, though the "quipster" part of my webpage addresses the huge HUMOR element of my personality. But life is ENDLESSLY about PERSPECTIVE. It frames every move you make. If I sound like Oprah, well, it's from her show today that I have these thoughts. The topic was RESILIENCE. Several stories were told, all amazing and incredibly inspiring. One woman's husband and two-year-old son died in front of her in a plane crash. After a year-and-a-half of feeling numb and considering suicide, she has since made the DECISION to be abundantly grateful for the time she DID have with her family, and not focus on all that she lost. Amazing, though I'd hope I'd feel the same way. The lessons were not to wallow, not to give up hope, not to see your present situation as The Way It HAS To Be. You can DECIDE to change things any day that you're breathing. The past, no matter how miserable, does NOT need to define you and dictate your entire life's storyline. I pray to Christ I don't sound like some cliched TV Life Coach. These stories teach me, and I'm just trying to spread the hope. Yes, I DO see myself as a teacher. Not the classroom type...no patience, and too little pay. But a Life Teacher. And that may sound arrogant, but i'm not trying to be. I really want to help and inspire people. SO...did everyone in the NYC area savor this day? Because it was simply spectacular outside today. Deep blue skies, a tad breezy, low humidity, around 80 degrees. I was elated to run errands...on my bike, slowly wheeling through the nabe, relishing the sunshine and fresh air. One of the best days of the year. A damn good day overall. DECIDE.

Dipshit's "Pill Schedule"

Yes, even things he does that don't remotely affect me AGITATE me. So he's taking pills for SOMEthing...he's ALWAYS fucking sick. I know he's on pills because there's a piece of paper labeled PILL SCHEDULE on his desk, the desk I pass in our circular, two-entrance railroad apartment daily. Now, he's not 70 with 6 different, complex medications to take. He's on ONE bottle of pills for SOMEthing...so my first eye-rolling critique is why he even NEEDS to write it down. Um, he DOES have a brain, right? As far as I know, he's not mentally retarded. Oh, yeah, then there's the BOTTLE of pills itself with daily intake instructions on them. But my MAIN "God, he's a fucking idiot" point of rage is that he wrote out TOMORROW AT NOON, FRIDAY AT NOON, SATURDAY AT NOON...all the way through TUESDAY AT NOON. Um, WHY not just write out "DAILY @ NOON TILL TUES." or some OTHER super truncated version??? WHY?!?!?!? He wrote out eeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvvvvvery word possible, like you would back in school when you had to write an essay with a certain amount of words, but you knew JACKSHIT about the subject matter, so stretched it out with absolutely pointless nonsense. Christ, he couldn't even substitute "@" for "at"?!?! Ugh. So fucking agitating. Clearly, his superfluous speech extends to the written word. A complete waste of time. Then again, many reading this would argue that this BLOG ENTRY was a complete, and ironic, waste of time. I'd argue differently, of course, as I consistently MUST point out the stupidity and/or time-wasting prowess of others. USUALLY, it directly affects/enrages me. This time, it's more so a SEINFELD-esque scene where Jerry would've gone on and on to Elaine at the diner about how something peripheral his latest girlfriend did irritated him to no end. Summing up, Dipshit needs extensive & superfluous visual cues to remind him to take his ONE DAILY PILL.

Lady Bird Johnson

Another piece of American history gone. God BLESS her love of nature and the energy she put into actually doing something positive and enduring for our country.

An INSANT CLASSIC NJ SHORE SUMMER WEEKEND!

Wow. A weekend i've needed for YEARS. Felt like I was 25 again...yet wiser. There was the packed with people BBQ. The most alcohol i've drank in...also years? Yet no vomiting or serious hangover. The "nutty surfers" rolling in to up the social ante, one of whom visited prison to talk to the Son of Sam. My old friend showing up. Perfect weather. A spontaneous decision to stay over at my old friend's...which resulted in post-midnight bar hopping...which resulted in me running into my friend's friend, a guy who now looks like Jesus and I haven't seen in 4 years. Strolling along the boardwalk today. Taking in the ample scenery. And the TRAIN RIDE! Lord, the wonderful train ride. And I was so AWARE of the great time I was having...very appreciative. I am exhausted and sweaty, so this isn't as detailed or moving as I'd like. Maybe i'll flesh it out, maybe not. Just wanted to give the basics. It was a weekend i'll remember fondly if I live to be 105...which is how hot it feels in here. Yeah, I NEED the ocean in my life...one of the MANY lessons of lucky 7-7-07.

Live Earth bullshit

Um, people will be watching Live Earth to see a CONCERT, not because they're so fucking impassioned about the fucking planet. Yeah, every viewer will be along the highways with rakes and picking up trash along rivers the next day. Give me a fucking break. MUST I endure ANOTHER speech by Al Gore? MUST I endure another celeb kissing Al Gore's ass? MUST I?!?! You can be sure I'll be riveted to Madonna's performance, though...despite the fact that she's sadly in this Gore-and-Earth-Loving frenzy. Kudos to Gore's son for ruining dad's Moment with that pesky speeding and pot arrest. For the record, as i've RANTED about before, I DETEST littering. And, yes, I recycle. Hell, I even bike and walk a lot instead of driving...though I'd prefer the FUEL method. So leave me alone and just DO AS I DO.

NYC and Belmar, NJ noise ordinances...thank CHRIST!

This will NOT be a blog bitching about the out-of-control police issuing ridiculous tickets. Rather, I am ELATED to have read this week about both NYC and Belmar, NJ getting tough with MADDENINGLY disruptive assholes. Do NOT tell me to move to a farm if I want peace. My fucking quality of life is being eroded by the day by NOISE. It's ironic, actually...AS I write this, I am infuriated yet again by a POLICE siren. THEY are part of the problem...don't tell me they must ALWAYS have their siren on. Just because I live in an urban area doesn't mean I should expect to be assaulted CONSTANTLY by noise. What it boils down to, as always, is 1) common sense and 2) the general population's complete lack thereof...along with ANY sense of respect for others' peace and quiet. The NYC story mentioned an ice cream truck now HAVING to stop THAT FUCKING SONG from playing once they're parked in a residential nabe. YAY! The Belmar story came with a picture of an officer lecturing yet another tangled-haired, short-shorts-wearing, beer-in-one-hand, cell-to-the-ear-in-the-other FUCKING WHORE to keep her voice down. I HAD a beach house...for THREE years...and you know what? I fucking knew how to behave in my early and mid 20s, let alone OLDER. Being young and being drunk is ZERO excuse for being a loud asshole. So this isn't the ranting of a Respectable 30-something who doesn't know how to have fun. I felt the SAME way when I was twenty-one. I am so absolutely NOT amused by drunken noise. The fucking cunt in the porch photo should have either her cell or the police officer's cock shoved down her fucking throat to shut her up. Yes, I mean that. Ugh, how ANYONE finds Belmar an attractive summer option is beyond me. But it's so much more than loud voices. It's car horns, car ALARMS (perhaps the most likely culprit when I eventually snap), jackhammering, any kind of construction work, barking dogs, THE TELEPHONE, music, and so much more. It's any one of the roommates i've had stomping up the stairs without lifting their feet at 3am, WHILE they talk at the top of their lungs on their cell, and after they've slammed the front door, BLISSFULLY unaware that there's two other families living in this house who just MIGHT be woken up by their thoughtless idiocy. MY "favorite" is perhaps any kind of GENERATOR. You canNOT sit in my parents' yard when the asswipe next door's pool generator is "humming." Ditto the infuriation caused by MY next door neighbor's bathroom vents as I sit RIGHT here. They are UNGODLY loud. And, so, TICKET away, I say! If people are too stupid or desensitized to realize when they're being OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD, hit them in their wallet. Hell, jail them! I am FED UP not being able to THINK or SLEEP because of some kind of NOISE. People NEED, apparently, to be taught anew how to behave in this society.

Can Dick Cheney BE a bigger, more arrogant, more corrupt ASSHOLE?

Bush commuted Scooter's sentence, but it's somehow Cheney who, more and more, I want very, very bad things to happen to. Every SINGLE person in this administration is sickening. And my rage extends to the idiots who voted for them...TWICE. And to family members, like Mary Cheney, who stands by Daddy as he supports marginalizing her gay lifestyle. Everyone remember the "kinder, gentler nation" bullshit? You know, so our nation could heal the fresh wounds & hurt feelings caused by a FUCKING BLOWJOB?! Again, a FUCKING BLOWJOB...that's what caused a giant rift in our nation before 2001. And it was the REPUBLICANS who caused it. I will PUNCH you, seriously, if you babble on about Clinton LYING under oath...ABOUT A BLOWJOB. BRAVO, BILL! I'd have done the EXACT same fucking thing. I repeat...if I had to testify under oath about my FUCKING SEX LIFE, i'd lie, too, if it meant maybe saving my ass or sparing my family embarrassment...when it has NOTHING to do with ANYTHING. I'm officially starting the process toward declaring myself an INDEPENDENT, as I want no affiliation with either major party. Politics is a joke.

MOHAMMED and ABDULLAH

No, it's not a zany new fall sitcom that NBC's pinning its hopes on to turn around their badly bruised Thursday nights. Rather, they're the names of 2 guilty, er, I mean chief suspects in the Britain bomb plots. AND they're from JORDAN. Jesus, I just shit myself from complete shock! You mean, it wasn't a 70-year-old, gray-haired white woman named Margaret O'Donoghue? Or a 40-year-old Jew named Silverstein? You're telling me it's the SAME type of characters -- from looks to names to religious background -- who killed almost 3,000 people on September 11, 2001? Get the FUCK out of town!

Terrorism has my stomach in knots

So ABC reported tonight that a "spectacular" terrorist attack may be in the works, and that the Britain "events" of the past 48 hours closely mirror evil omens of the Summer of '01. Unspeakably heavy sigh. Seriously, I've never done a drug in my life, but Xanex is looking more attractive by the fucking hour...

Hello, JULY (!?)...let me welcome you with some sunset rooftop yoga...

First off, what the FUCK is with this weather? It feels more like Sept. 1 than July 1. This summer is irritating me...it's either too cool or too hot, too rainy or too windy. WHERE are the string of 85 degree, low humidity, little wind days? Well, actually, YESTERDAY was perfect! Was it not a glorious last day of June in the NYC metro area? Now that i've bitched about the weather, I won't even bore you with my usual "oh, my fucking God, HOW can it be July already?!" bit, and just optimistically say how the balance of the summer, the HEART of summer, is yet before us, and how I ushered in July with a trip to the roof -- after my 2 Sabretts, sauerkraut, and bean dinner. I predict an awesome trip to the toilet sometime tomorrow morning. It was certainly awesome on the roof this evening. Breezy and around 70, big puffy clouds against the orange sunset. I did some light yoga moves, took some pics, laid down flat and just stared up at the sky. Lovely, just lovely. This whole weekend has been lovely and productive...minus my increasing dawn-time funk. I just don't like dawn...it depresses me. And I find myself waking up either with the sunlight or just to piss around then, and not being able to fall back asleep because i'm obsesssing over Life and Death issues as the fucking birds chirp away. Dead of night i'm fine with...but dawn, ugh. But I digress from my rooftop zen. Ok, i've written enough about THE FIRST DAY OF JULY. Carry on with SUMMER '07!!