Christ almighty, my inner thighs ache!

Every time I resume a gym membership, my inner thighs are what ache me the most. It's the one part of my body I can't say I address regularly with exercise. Think about it, who DOES? Basically only someone with a Thighmaster. But when I hit a gym, I routinely go on those hip abductor & adductor machines. To be honest, the initial reason I sought them out was simply because it allowed me to sit down, relax between more grueling benching, and survey my narcissistic/meathead tool/downright pathetic surroundings. I won't lie...it makes me feel better to see a morbidly obese Chris Farley-type struggling through a set. I mean, BRAVO to him for attempting to change his life around, but it still makes me feel like a million bucks in comparison. It does NOT make me feel good when the same type ambles into the sauna. Shudder. DOUBLE shudder. I'm trying to RELAX in there, not be forced to view a largely nude obese man. But the sauna's merely another area in life where i'm aggravated if anyone is in there with me. Yes, I want to be alone. Allow me to briefly comment on the 30-something white male in pretty good shape...who for some reason insists on wearing tight, pinstripe Mets shorts that usually look best on, oh, 4-year-olds, a non-matching (other day, purple) shirt, and DARK socks PULLED UP a good six inches. What's going on in THAT brain? I find him disturbing...like someone who just MAY have a handgun in his gym bag. But back to my inner thighs...oy, i can't even stretch them like usual. I'm pretty yoga-limber, but now can barely spread my legs. Insert your OWN wildly off-color joke HERE. Well, i'm off to the gym!