I'd sooner throw myself in front of a bus...

...than EVER do data entry for a "living" again.

What's the point of this?

I was gonna write "Getting There" as my title line, referring to the overall mood of my day, then I felt it was kind of idiotic. I don't want this blog to be self-help psychobabble. I want it to be rants or well-written, thoughtful pieces or hysterical one-liners. VAGUE bullshit like "getting there"...no one else needs to hear that, right? It means NOTHING to anyone else. Sometimes I feel a need just to write SOMEthing for the sake of writing, though. Must resist that need. Words, words and more words. Too many words. Brevity.

The BEST thing about being sick...

...is the wondrous sense of being on FULL THROTTLE once you're feeling up to par again. That's how I feel tonight. And I was only "sick" one day...on Saturday...SUPER bad allergy headache like I haven't had in eons. And I was exhausted, too. But it's somehow more than that. The whole past 2 weeks has been wearying due to both activity AND occasional allergies. But tonight I really, REALLY am feeling good...which requires me to knock on wood now, of course. All-around good. Mind and body. Upbeat, determined, full of energy. The way I like it! OK, enough of this excruciating Sense of Purpose crap....

Fucking allergies!

Whole fucking day wasted. At least it was a cloudy, cool first Saturday of autumn that lent itself to sitting around the damn house. Woke with a sinus headache like I haven't had in seemingly years, and while it eventually went away -- and I do mean EVENTUALLY -- I've just been wiped out the whole damn day. Writing this posting, showering and feeding myself are the most productive things I've done all day. Oh, wait, I briefly vacuumed. UGH. Eh, what are you gonna do? Every day can't be a winner.

Remembering 1981

Like I always do on September 23rd. Heavy sigh. I noted the huge difference in weather...TOTALLY autumnal back then, with temps in the 50s by late afternoon, very brisk winds, fast moving clouds. Today was like August...around 80 and very humid with variable clouds. As I write this at 2:20am, it's still 73 degrees, and there was lightning in the southern distance a little bit ago. And I thought about it being 28 damn years later and did all my usual time & age calculations...wasn't pretty. TWENTY-EIGHT years!? Just crazy in so many ways.

So NOW i'm the Acorn pimp?!

Another painful highlight/lowlight of what "conversation" I'm forced to endure with Dipshit went something like this tonight:

Dipshit: (as he delivers the Post from his room, where he'd just been chuckling wildly, to the adjacent living room) "Hey, remember that story last week about Acorn?"

Me: (crying on the inside as I'm forced YET again to feign the most remote interest in the INSANITY surely about to emanate from his mouth) "Yeah."

Dipshit: (grinning) "You weren't the pimp, were you, Gary?" ("HEH" laughter sounds) *Makes some inaudible comment seemingly about "where I've been."

Me: (INCREDULOUS, desperately trying to maintain composure at COMPLETELY INSIPID comment: "(briefest of fake laugh) No (turning away to fake busywork on the computer), I can assure you I was NOT caught on the Fox News Channel last week....(trailing off)"

Dipshit: (now safely back in his room) more "HEH" laughter sounds.

**END OF DIALOGUE**

What. The. Fuck?!?! This is the most he's said to me (thank God) in quite some time. Has he missed talking to me? UGH.

Applepicking in CT

Days do NOT get much more glorious than today, The Last Saturday of Summer '09. Not a SINGLE cloud in the sky the ENTIRE day. Crisp and refreshing. Lows in the low 50s, highs around 70. Man! And I woke at dawn and drove to CT to go applepicking. I'm weary now, but it's been a full day like most should be. Wonderful. Satiated. And that APPLE PIE The Hungarian made with Lance's South Carolina recipe book...SUBLIME!

Final Friday of Summer '09

Pretty good one. GREAT weather today...totally sunny, mid 70s. Long walk. Back porch expresso and good conversation as the sun set. Nixed plans to hit ShopRite and go swimming...just decided to CHILL. And it's been fantastic. An episode of FRASIER I haven't seen in ages to cap things off! So long, summer Fridays! I will go to bed with the windows open, blinds up and fresh air blowin in!

NO ONE scrubs a stovetop as well as I do!

It wasn't even that dirty, but there were "remnant, fossilzed remains" (translation: burn marks) that I'd pretty much given up on making disappear. Tonight, though, I was on a mission. I sprayed it with bleach and Lysol cleaner, and used two different types of brillo pad on it. Repeatedly. Over and over. ALMOST looks like new. So proud. Mopping the floor figured into my evening, as well. Exciting shit, huh? It all left me legitimately exhausted...on this, yes, i'll say it, AUTUMNAL Thursday night. Well, kinda...it's been between 55 and 59 all night. Definite slight chill. I'll say it's "like May," though. OK, 2am, weary from scrubbing...time for bed on this Last Thursday of Summer....

"I see the new coffee table's holding up."

This is what Dipshit said to me yesterday upon returning home from work, a prime example of his strained conversation. Um, did he expect the coffee table I got a month ago to crack in two or something? What was the FUCKING POINT of his opening his mouth to say that?! I was then forced to utter "so far, so good" with what passed for a smile. I mean, what ELSE could I say? Ugh, such a nightmare. Our "chats" have actually whittled down recently to basically just "hey" and "what's up?," so maybe HE'S actually cognizant of "the strain" and was trying to merely make things less semi-tense. It's all fucking ridiculous. Who cares. Either keep it to "hey" or at least say something NORMAL if you're gonna force me to string together a sentence or two. Dipshit!

Middle of September

Fifteen days in. Fifteen to go. Ever notice how EVERYthing is a Notable Date to me? I do think September 15th's extra pivotal, though. It's kind of another invisible emotional marker between summer and fall. To me, at least. Also, this year i'm even more focused on the month's second half, as i'm recalling my HELLISH Mystery Illness from last year that began...tomorrow. Last day I felt fine was the 15th. The 16th and 17th I felt tired and blah. The 18th I had a SUPER early day at work on precious little sleep that could NOT have helped things. Then on the 19th...FEVER. Same day I went to a Yankees game...how I didn't collapse is beyond me. And then the fever just did NOT go away. Chills. Night sweats. But no real cold or cough. What the fuck?! It was a MONTH before I felt totally better. So forgive me if i'm kinda obsessing on the anniversary of it, terrified it'll repeat. I really DO need to start actively NOT dwelling on dates...just push them out of my Rain Man mind. So, yeah, la, di, dah...everything's fine now...feel GREAT. Knock. On. Wood. Because I have an AGENDA that canNOT be fucked up by illness, dammit!

Learning to make meatballs

I need to do this. I haven't had TV dinners since around May 1, but realized I'd still been eating frozen meatballs when I make pasta. ENOUGH of the MADNESS!! So I asked mom for her recipe. It's cliche, I know, but her meatballs are the best I've ever tasted. If I could REMOTELY replicate them, I'd be ecstatic. Yet mom doesn't have her version on paper; it's all an in-her-head version of Gram's, which IS on paper. So I copied that one. Who knows when i'll attempt this...but soon. I also wanna start making my own bread. HA!

September summer perfection

The beach. Cali wrap from Surf Taco. Found $5 on the ground. Sunny and 80. No traffic. Bliss.

It seems odd to throw in that I also visited Middletown, NJ's 9/11 memorial, but that's where I went first, and it was a great experience. Middletown lost 37 people that horrific day, more than any other town in NJ. I was there a good 45 minutes and only ONE other person interrupted my solitude. Well, one person PLUS the random bagpiper who slowly walked the length of the memorial playing AMAZING GRACE for 5 minutes, but I enjoyed this a great deal; added to the moment.

It's truly been one of those GREAT days. So great that 1) I could never put it into words and 2) am too tired to even really try. I was scared by mostly cloudy conditions when I woke up. Even when I left about 12:10pm, it was generally cloudy...but off to the west I saw a clear line of blue advancing. And by the time I reached the shore, there was hardly a cloud in the sky. Magnificent! Wow, wow, wow! Summer's over, my ass.

NINE (?!) years ago today, I was "let go"...

...and it was the best thing that EVER could've happened. Don't panic, my friends, if it happens to you...especially if you hate waking up every morning because you loathe your place of employment. You WILL be fine.

Eight years

Too much to say and process. Poured and was windy as hell all day. Very gloomy. Worst weather on 9/11 yet. Suited the occasion in a way. And suited my mellow mood. I posted my VERY few pics of that awful day on Facebook, provoking some very interesting and thoughtful replies. And just now, at 2:30am, I was out overlooking NYC, trying to take some good pics of the Tribute in Light through a wall of clouds. Watched the reading of the names ceremony this morning...saw and heard the few familiar faces and names I've gotten to know. It's all still so very surreal. And raw.

Optimistic

I think -- hope -- things are finally, FINALLY starting to turn and settle. But since I detest vague, Psychobabble 101 blog entries, that's ALL i'm gonna say on the matter. It's bad enough reading black-and-white notebook diaries of my banal musings sometimes, let along carrying it over onto here. Oh, but I WOULD like to note that I also finally finished my days-long crusade to thoroughly clean & scrub the shower. I'd lick the tub floor, it's so clean. And this day's weather was gloriously satisfying for indoor, productive endeavors...cloudy, windy, 60s...coastal low about to dump rain on us overnight and tomorrow. GREAT sleeping weather, too. Can't focus now...too tired. Thinking about tomorrow...and tonight, 8 years ago....

Last developed roll of film EVER?!

I hope so...and I NEVER thought I'd say that. But in truth, i'm VERY tired of everything involved in developing pictures the old fashioned way. This is film from the VERY LAST disposable camera I hope I ever need to buy. I got it right before I finally used my warranty to purchase a new DIGITAL camera last month. This damn one best not break on me in 2 months like my first digital cam did in May. Anyway, I really do loathe putting these pics into an album. I wish I had the money to hire a meticulous little photo bitch. Eh, they'd probably just annoy me...gotta do shit like this yourself...but I hate it...and always really have. It's too tedious. Of course, I wanna print out the digital pics I have stored going back to MARCH, but that, in my mind, seems easier than the whole drop off film/fill out envelope/wait/pick up film/put 27 or so pics into album bit. And this doesn't even get INTO the actual photography benefits of digital. I've very, very quickly become a total convert. *Oh, and I can't forget the small, slender SIZE of the digital cameras. OK, this post is boring me to tears. I don't know that I have the strength to finish this photo album bullshit tonight. In fact, I don't. Just a few more...tomorrow it'll get done. Too weary from repeated scrubbings of the tub....

It pays to hoe

Seriously, my love of dirt and grass and flowers and making things nice and orderly really pays off sometimes. Like when I'm landscaping ONE person's property and a total stranger comes up to me wanting to know if I can do THEIRS. Love it. I also enjoy the feeling of a day's hard work "out in the field." Very Puritan. And then being rewarded with a cold beer and satisfying meal. Yes, twas a great start to Gary's Second Summer!

Summer's over!?!

Not really. Merely Labor Day. And it was a good one...not that I did much. Merely productive, with a good helping of food & brief outdoor drinks "on the porch." It was a pretty damn good Monday. But i'm anxious for tomorrow...to begin a new season of plots and ambitions and FREE BEACH ACCESS!! Yes, MY summer begins NOW! I'm fully intent on making this September wildly interesting and productive. I feel a great sense of relief that Labor Day has now passed...almost like the day after Christmas or right after a funeral. Odd analogies, perhaps, but ones i'm sticking with. Just SO much damn talk about THE END OF SUMMER from people...I can't deal with it anymore. Let everyone pack away their beach shit...more room for me! If not for the endless pall of 9/11, all of September would be glorious. One of my favorite months. So goodbye, Heart of Summer '09...I'll be pondering you and maybe writing about you soon. You had your moments....

Long walks officially are good for the soul

One would think I'd be exhausted today after my EPIC walk yesterday. But, no. Instead, I feel ABSOLUTELY refreshed in every way. I can't even explain it without lapsing into Oprah-level zen speak. But, yes, I do mean EMOTIONALLY in addition to being full of energy today.

It was kind of a schizo Sunday...totally blue skies to start, then totally cloudy by mid-afternoon. I enjoyed it, save for the usual aggravation at ShopRite. Is it written somewhere that I MUST endure the same aisle pattern of the MOST white trash people on the planet? In two words, fat and loud. Let's add badly dressed. With horribly tied-back, long, retro, Mama Cass hair. This was the 30something daughter, bellowing thoughts to her far more reserved mother on every product they encountered. A lot of the word "MA!" "MA, here's the pasta on sale!" "MA, this is the toothpaste we get." It was necessary to also read the description of the toothpaste on the box to MA. I think it was at this point that I broke loose and jumped ahead a few aisles to lose them. MA!

A highlight of my day was learning Amazon was giving away one free download away today due to getting their millionth Twitter follower or something. I promptly signed up and soon had Kings of Leon's USE SOMEBODY in my possession...the PERFECT song to get on Labor Day Weekend. This song's been building all summer to its current top five peak, and was just beginning its run around Memorial Day, when I quickly pegged it as a Memorable Song of Summer '09. So the symmetry of my finally now acquiring it delights me.

Yes, it's been a good Sunday. 2am now on the night before The Final Unofficial Day of Summer. I'm feeling good about September...and far from ready to let summer end.

(*Dammit, this is SATURDAY'S posting!) Gracie Mansion, Carl Schurz Park & Central Park

Ugh, it's 3:09am, so I just missed the 2:59am deadline to get this in under "Saturday." Pain in the ass. This "breaks" my run since late July of consecutive days blogging.

Well, today I decided to FINALLY explore Gracie Mansion. All my life, i'd never been up in that neck of Manhattan...and i'm now kicking myself. GREAT area! The mansion sits in Carl Schurz Park, which has this promenade which runs along the East River, offering spectacular views. From there, I made my way through Central Park, exiting at Columbus Circle, and eventually making my way down to 14th so I could catch the PATH home. Holy epic walk. A fantastic day, though...and so BALMY! It got up to 84 in Central Park, 86 in Newark. Like July! Very glad I made the decision to do this today...on SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2009.

It's the Final Regular Night of Summer

Thursday before Labor Day Weekend. Yup, that's all I got. Ha! Oh, I always got so much more...just a matter of my patience, discretion & how awake I am. I really hate writing just for the sake of writing. There's too much noise and garbage out there...too much distraction...and I hate adding to it. My goals: TO ENTERTAIN, PROVOKE THOUGHT or INFORM. Ideally, all three. If it's just bullshit nonsense, why bother? Of course, THEN I think about the fact that this blog is, in theory, just for ME, not you, and so I shouldn't give a fuck. Decisions. *But, yeah, the anal retentive, OCD part of me (which is a big ass part) likes to write just to keep the string of consecutive days going here....

You know what Gary loves?

When people talk about things WITHIN EARSHOT that directly pertain to me, but they haven't told ME yet. Either on the phone or to physically present other humans. Dipshit just did it. And others have done it to me MANY times before. Which is funny because I'm seriously one of the sharpest people around. Yet do they think i'm an idiot? I don't THINK I project such an image. Hmm. Is it some passive-aggressive thing? Or are they indeed JUST so stupid that they don't think I can hear them? I'd love to come right out and ask them. But I won't. In THIS case, I don't really mind...as I knew the crucial information in question weeks ago precisely BECAUSE i'm so fucking bright and savvy. Funny.

And YET...

Dipshit's home today. WORKING from home. Came home from his extended weekend at 11:30am. HATE when he doesn't adhere to his predictable routine. But i'm in SUCH a good mood that even his being here -- CONSTANTLY on the phone, as always -- isn't bothering me...THAT much. It HAS reminded me anew, though, JUST how much I canNOT wait till I never see or hear him again. For the rest of my hopefully long, healthy life. CAN'T come soon enough. :)