gym, gym, gym, gym, gym

HOURS there again...even longer than yesterday. It's funny how fast the time flies while i'm there. I wasn't hungry, wasn't bored. I'm loving working out so much. It really is true how it makes you feel EMOTIONALLY better. I MUST join a gym for real somehow soon. That bike, though...UGH! Two days in, and I'm truly, TRULY weary of any uphill portions...and don't even get me started on carrying the bike up to the 3rd floor. I've decided, as long as rain isn't in the forecast, I think i'm gonna start chaining it outside somewhere...ideally in view of my apartment. It is just SUCH a colossal pain in the fucking ass getting it in the front door and up the stairs, day in, day out. Anyway, it's the last day of May...ahhhhhhhh. May 31. May 31. I just like writing that. Still spring as long as it's May. JUNE tomorrow!?! Oh, I finally reconnected with Drew today. Strangers reading this will have zero idea who Drew is...good. Wait, ARE there strangers reading this? Hello? Well, I will ceremoniously conclude the month of May by doing some late night further tearing down of things on my bedroom walls. It's more fresh and clean looking by the day. I'm fucking ready to move out in a heartbeat. Funny how the entire apt is finally spotless and reorganized and to my liking...and i'm ready to go. I'll enjoy it until I do. Reviewing May...began great, ended great. But THE most continuously stressed I think I have EVER been. But when down, I only fight harder...after the initial freaking out. And being stressed makes you think of things in new ways, which is good. So, goodbye, May 2006! I survived ya!

HOURS at the gym & the year's first bike ride

I took full advantage of my free trial at NYSC...spent about 4 hours there. And to add to the exercise theme of my day...I rode my bike there and back...my first bike ride of the year!! I must say, the biking has become...like so much else in my life...tiring. Literally tiring. I have zero patience for hills on a bike...i'd rather be walking. Give me a bike at the beach or along any level elevation...otherwise, fuck it. Having said that, I actually rode the steady incline uphill without walking the bike at all...demonstrating that my legs are indeed stronger. Last year, I rarely managed that. It was another balmy May day...high 80s...glorious! I'm also happy to report that I skirted yet another financial nightmare today. Just wish I'd cleared up the matter before the weekend, so I wasn't to some degree worrying about it throughout the holiday. But I kept my panic in check...progress. Well, i'm thoroughly exhausted now. It'll be an "early" bedtime...2:45am-ish.

Memorial Day '06 -- fixed my bike & flashed back to California

First off, the people who fought -- and died -- for this country...THAT is what today is all about. I love the beach more than anyone, but too many don't give even a passing thought to the real reason today's a holiday. Ironic, then, that I cursed the parade this morning from bed...waking me up (after I'd gone to bed at 5am) at 9-something with their drums, horns, fire engines, and God knows what else. Much gratitude, though, to our military in Iraq and Afghanistan...our kids are dying over there as we conduct our selfish little lives over here. Just remember that.

And here's today's version OF my selfish little life...

Damn, I love gettin' things done! I should've done it on Friday, but I finally filled my bike's tires for the season today. It's ready to go! Yeah, so I missed all of spring...who cares. Let the bike riding commence! And I hit the gym again. And had a huge dinner at mom & dad's. And it was HOT! Only the third time in 20 years that all 3 days of Memorial Day weekend have been in the 80s...a little factoid courtesy of Ch. 2's weatherman. It WAS the perfect weather to kick off the summer! Today it hit 88 in Central Park...and 94 in Newark!! And it feels it...muggy, all the windows open, Dipshit putting his AC in. The best part of all day, though...flipping through my parents' pictures of our Epic Western Trip of '86. I realized this weekend that I haven't seen these pics in years...despite being in an easily accessible giant album in a living room drawer. And so I sat there in the chair by the window, slowly going west with Amtrak and the rental car...Chicago, New Mexico, The Grand Canyon, Vegas...and CALIFORNIA. Utterly surreal. It was great to see these pics again...and funny...but also very sad. It's just unreal to me that almost 20 years has flown by. I looked absolutely horrific...this trip coincided with me at my physical nadir. My brother, conversely, couldn't be cuter. He was such a cute -- and funny -- kid...blond, blue-eyed, athletic, enthusiastic. Pics of him feeding the goats at the San Diego Zoo particularly amused. We generally had a great time together as kids. Sure, we'd fight, and he'd punch me in the stomach -- knocking the wind out of me -- and spit in my mouth...but overall, LOVELY fraternal times together. For the record, i'd hurt him, too...till he cried. But I digress. So I was beyond excited to get to the Mojave Desert portion of the album...and RIGHT at the start, I came across a pic that SHOULD have been blown up and framed years ago...but better late than never. It's my brother and I on the Rt. 15 roadside at the Nevada-CA border...one of us on each side of a HUGE ASS sign that says WELCOME TO CALIFORNIA, SAN BERNARDINO COUNTY LINE. It is just incredible for me to see this picture, given everything i'm going through now about just YEARNING to get to CA. It's so completely dreamlike that I WAS actually there before. I remember taking that damn picture...it's like another life, though. Another galaxy. There I was running on the Santa Barbara beach...watching a sunset in the Grand Canyon...riding down Hollywood Blvd. I stayed on the Navajo Reservation one night in my life. Isn't that CRAZY?! It's just incredible. ONE night of my life was spent in the ONLY motel for miles on the Navajo Indian Reservation. And their restaurant was closed, so we all starved till morning. It's not like i'm just now appreciating this trip...it has ALWAYS been just off-the-charts incredible to me. But, I dunno, the way I'm feeling now in general...coinciding with it being 20 YEARS this summer...I guess it just has extra special resonance now. I can't WAIT to blow up that pic and hang that baby on my bedroom wall! It'll urge me on even more. And so it's been a really damn good holiday weekend. I forgot to mention that I wore flip-flops for the first time this season on Saturday. Riveting, I know. Well, here's a toast to THE SUMMER OF 2006!!

The filthy measuring cup...is GONE!!?! (aka, MORE evidence that Gary is NOT unreasonable in his endless bitching)

Dipshit has kept this ALWAYS to some degree FILTHY glass pyrex measuring cup on the fucking kitchen counter next to the sink...for like 2 years...maybe more. Honestly...it never went away anywhere. NEVER. Just ONE of the endless things that have added to my increasing blood pressure with him. He'd use it, I suspect from the caked evidence, to stir his eggs in...which he had most weekends. He'd rinse it with water...then just leave it there...so far from clean, it wasn't remotely funny. To give you an idea of how utterly grotesque this fucking thing was...picture it, July of '04, one of the hottest days of the year...I noticed that the damn thing was now getting MOLDY on the outside bottom. The OUTSIDE. I lifted the thing up to clean it...it actually stuck to the counter...and in an instant, the entire kitchen smelled like rotten eggs. Do you SEE what I fucking deal with?!?! I wanted to take the thing and smash it across his fucking skull. SO...every now and then, i'd try to "subtly" light a fire under his stupid ass by putting it in the sink, filling it with hot water, and adding liquid soap detergent to it. NEVER worked. It'd wind up back on the counter, as filthy as ever. Well, I did the sink thing again this weekend...and it was still in the sink when I got home about 9pm. He was home already. But JUST now, my friends, about 12:30am, I was startled by a gaping void in my kitchen...it wasn't in the sink anymore...NOR on the counter! I proceeded to check every possible cabinet space we have, sure he'd finally caught my drift that it annoyed the fuck out of me, and stored it away...still filthy...an invitation for roaches. But, NO! Like a crazed lunatic, I then breathlessly dove into the trash can...peeling away the upper layers of the can, PRAYING it was in there...and IT WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS!!!!!!!!!!!! OH...MY...FUCKING...GOD, you have NO idea how happy this makes me! I have felt, in a number of ways, this Memorial Day weekend to be a New Beginning...but now, as sad as this surely seems to say...but i'm completely, painfully serious...I see The Vanishing Pyrex Cup as the ULTIMATE symbolism of a fresh, new era!!!!! YES!! **Now, of course, Dipshit DID put the GLASS cup in the garbage can...when it belongs in recyclables. Sigh...even when he (rarely) does right, he does wrong.

The Isle of Coney...and SO many bloody Russians!

CONEY ISLAND!!!!! I am elated to report that I fiiiiiiiinally spent time here this evening. Seems ridiculous that I've never been there after living my entire life in the NYC area. Damn, it feels great to cross another thing off my Life To-Do List! I took the B train out to Stillwell Ave, and the Q train back...from Brighton Beach. All this after I enjoyed my 2nd free day of working out at NYSC. Sadly, I had to get my special pass today...though I didn't get the tour or sales pitch, so it still worked out. And I still get that extra day. But back to BROOKLYN. I didn't even get there till about 6:45pm...but you know, it worked out well that way...at least for MY liking. I enjoyed being there as the sun set. It got chilly, mind you...VERY glad I brought my long sleeve shirt to cover up my muscle-baring wife beater. I went all the way out on the pier, stuck my feet in the ocean...which wasn't THAT cold, and leisurely strolled basically the entire boardwalk...till it ended at the Brighton-Manhattan Beach border. And, of course, I explored ASTROLAND, home of the famed CYCLONE. Took plenty of pics. I'm so glad I went. Perfect way to start the summer. I had fun just watching people on the rides, monitoring the Cyclone's moves for when I go next time...WITH someone...and actually go on the rides. Today was just about reconnaissance and doing something different. Just walking the boardwalk and through the streets of Manhattan is fun to me. Me being me, I enjoyed the solitary aspect of my day, the opportunity to think and reflect with the ocean by my side. And the RUSSIANS!! Jesus LORD! Practically everyone around me on the Brighton boardwalk was speaking Russian...old and young both. I found this a tad disturbing...which doesn't bode well for any trips abroad. Nice to ride over the Manhattan Bridge at night, too...seeing the Brooklyn Bridge and lower Manhattan all lit up. Well, I'm weary and need to unwind. A good Sunday indeed.

Duping NYSC

I can check off one goal for the big weekend...starting my latest "free trial" week at a gym. But more exciting is the fact that my manipulations yet again paid off. I specifically went on a Saturday...a HOLIDAY WEEKEND Sat...and close to 5:30 -- 90 minutes before they closed. My aim was to avoid the dreaded Stupid Fucking Tour/Sales Pitch...when all I fucking want is to work out for free for a week. Mission accomplished!! I counted on a college kid who couldn't care less at the front counter...my wish came true there, BIG time. You see, he merely waved me through...no ID, no signing forms. In other words, ZERO proof that today was my first day...and so i'll now get at least EIGHT days free. Can I POSSIBLY pray that the stupid idiots at the front desk simply wave my free pass through for WEEKS to come? Yet another freebie scam under my size 32 (or 31?) belt!!

I fell asleep on the couch last night about 3:20am...then woke about 9:15am. It was very odd. I think I briefly thought I was at my old beach house...where I often slept on the couch. Usually when I fall asleep on the couch, I don't sleep so long. I was in a daze when I woke...like, did I just sleep a solid 6 hours on the couch with the TV on? Yes, I did. I went back to sleep in my bed till noonish, lol. I loooooove my bed and pillow. And it was nice with the fresh air and summery feel. It's even better tonight...less humid. It's truly gonna feel like I'm sleeping at a shore house, the nice breeze and crickets. Ahhhh. Gorgeous out today, even better tomorrow...when I am thrilled to finally be making my maiden voyage to CONEY ISLAND!! By myself, of course. I mean, who would I go with? I'm so looking forward to it...the subway ride almost as much as the destination. By the way, I'm also starting to smell the honeysuckle across the street...the official sign of summer, not to mention one of the most glorious smells on earth. 3:20am...been an interesting day and night. Wow, it's, like, SUMMER...

Hello, SUMMER '06!! My Miller Lite and I welcome you!!

Here we are again...another Friday night of Memorial Day weekend. 1:40am now...thunder rumbling, a humid, on-and-off monsoon kinda night. I've been pondering M Day Weekends of years past on what's been a pretty damn good day -- for someone not packing luggage and heading to the shore. I won't bore with specifics...but I spent about 2 hours this afternoon doing FURTHER "first time in ages" cleaning of my room...YEEHAH!! Later, a lengthy walk once the humid sun came out...then about an hour's worth of landscaping shit...then pizza pie at mom and dad's, where I also mercifully remembered to print out my FREE ONE WEEK TRIAL COUPON for NYSC, which i'll redeem tomorrow. Hit ShopRite, came home, it soon monsooned. I cut roses, which I placed in both my room and the bathroom, to add to the one in the kitchen already. I'm REALLY relaxed, which is increasingly rare. I will also start re-reading THE GREAT GATSBY before bed...the PERFECT summer book to kick the season off with. Ohhhhhhh, I have BIG plans and schemes for this magical summer season!

I still have wildly conflicted feelings about the Big Getaway to the shore. I had a beach house for THREE summers. And I must say...to a healthy degree, it bored me. The trip became tedious, the scene became dull (fast), and the sharing a house with many others thing REALLY wore thin. So when I say "oh, i'm over that"...well, it's NOT because i'm getting old -- I felt the same way at 24. I WOULD like to have a house, though...but alone, lol. No idiots coming back drunk and disrupting my 3am reading. No BIGGER idiots waking me up at 8am to go for a fucking run and then cooking their cheery little breakfast for me to smell and hear. I love to have fun...and go out...but when i'm done, i'm DONE. And unlike most, I usually read or watch TV after a night of drinking...which I like to do in silence. I do NOT go straight to bed. And I like to be alone. Oh, who cares. The point is, I'd like my OWN SHORE HOUSE...not some animal house share thing. And the commuting gets most wearying. So I don't know how to solve that. Hmm, I COULD move to California. So, yeah, SUMMER is here...the sultry weather is right on cue...and I'm fucking ready to shake things the fuck up! SMACK that bitch up, I will! NOW..."In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that i've been turning over in my mind ever since...."

The last night of the First Part of the year

Today has been an odd little day. My stomach felt odd about 2pm...and I rarely have stomach issues, nor did I eat anything odd. THIS morphed into what I can best describe as my latest panic attack...and the first NOT in a car...except I really had no pressing reason to BE panicked today. And I wasn't. I was FINE...until my stomach started feeling "sour." Perhaps I panicked because I was inventing all the worst case scenarios of WHY my stomach felt odd. Who the fuck knows. All I know is that I was briefly rather rattled...as I paced the house, couldn't sit still, felt like my breathing was labored, and felt vaguely weak. WHAT...THE...FUCK?! I settled on the cool and calming spare bedroom to lay down in...on the floor. And it worked. I felt better. Roughly 2 hours was wasted on feeling weird...and then I pepped up again. Went to the post office, got some fresh air. My belly briefly felt a bit off after my evening salad...but i've been fine since. Buoyed by both feeling better AND by it being The Start of Summer tomorrow, I have since been on an incredible journey of ripping to shreds the decor of my room. That sounds both extreme and pathetic. But it's true. I am SO fucking sick of 1) clutter, 2) living here, 3) feeling like my room looks the same as it did in college. I also continue to treat summer like another dimension, and always feel inspired by it -- this wonderful, too brief, special time of the year where fresh starts can be made and new ideas hatched into motion. Basically, it's like a second new year to me. And so, i've been tinkering, tossing, rearranging, MAKING BARE. It's not like I moved my bed or put up a new wall. Just thoroughly invigorating reorganizing like I haven't done, well, EVER. Let me stress this isn't "my piles" I'm reorganizing...but my picture frames, knick-knacks, EVERYTHING that makes up my walls, radiator top, shelving of any kind. MOST exciting is the ripping down of ticket stubs taped to my wall...a collection that began in my early teens. Yes, i'll keep them...and display them somehow, someday...likely on a cork board...in my "office." But for now, in this apt, they are GONE from above my desk. They don't fucking belong on the bedroom wall of a 33-year-old man. I'll have you know I have things ON my desk that have been there since I was like EIGHT. The desk, though, is another story. I'm fine for now with the desktop of sentimental old faves. Mainly my walls were driving me nuts. My main Wall Goal was attaining a solid tropical/desert/ocean/surf theme...to both inspire and calm...but also putting all these pics together, so only one small area looked like a high school locker of pics ripped from mags. Hmm, I should paint a palm tree on my wall. So, ALSO by doing this...i'm FURTHER inching toward moving out...even though I know, and accept, that I can't anytime soon. Jesus, i'm rambling. Seriously, though...major tedious paring down took place tonight...and i'm SO fucking happy. The smallest visual changes around you can totally affect your mood. I'm BORED...by EVERYthing...so tonight has been fucking fantastic. You wake up every day and see things around your room and house the SAME way. If one's mood and momentum can be positively altered by changing up these little things, making things more spare and ZEN...DO IT!! I'm sure I sound like a hippy dippy freak. I wish I could give tours to more fully explain what I mean by things. Trust me, these blogs would make much more sense. And so, this is it...i'm getting misty, yet TRES excited...the book is closing on spring and the first phase of 2006. I...AM...READY!!

Another vexing issue: walking behind solo women at night

Two nights in a row now...it's late at night, on a relatively sparse street, and I'm swifting walking behind a slow-moving bitch in heels. And it's happened MANY times before -- though "the bitch" sometimes wears sensible shoes, too. Often, she's very brightly yakking on a cell, oblivious to the perils around her. And very often, only at the last minute will she sense me behind her, at which point she'll whirl around panicked and I'LL feel like a thug rapist. It's VERY aggravating. Sometimes I waste my time crossing the street just to avoid instilling fear in some stranger lady. I'm all tense until I finally pass her. I CAN'T even fucking enjoy a late night walk!!!?!?!?

As I sit here inhaling my "Party Cake" Turkey Hill ice cream and watching the IDOL finale...

...I feel like I should be living in a trailer. I know it's far and away the #1 show in America -- but then again, I rarely side with the majority of Americans -- and I HAVE been addicted to it for months. But right now, this finale is so ridiculously fucking queer, what with the Disneyland-esque group songs, the Ford "commericals," the idiot audience about to faint. OK, so I DID just really enjoy Mary J and my boy Elliott. Overall, though, I feel like I'm in a trailer in Arkansas, my dog tied to a pole outside, clothes flapping on the makeshift clothes line, dirty dinner dishes in the sink, Bud can in my hand, nuts hanging out of my boxers...getting my entertainment bang of the year with the IDOL finale. And I can't leave out that Seacrest is still the biggest no-talent tool on earth.

ORGAN DONOR? "Um, sure."

Funny how such a weighty decision is made, unplanned, in 2 seconds. And so even the trip to the (more efficient, thanks to Jim McGreevey!) DMV became an occasion for life-and-death melancholy today, as I sat there pondering being dismembered in a horrific car crash as hospital workers scanned my license to see if I was a thoughtful enough human to donate an organ. Sigh. The all-business Asian woman caught me off guard with this question. Sure, what the hell...sign me up. Who WOULDN'T want Gary in them? I can continue to give and inspire even after I'm gone. I wish Blogspot would allow me to insert a sardonic, wink-wink smiley face here. So, yeah, I have a new DIGITAL license...and after countless practice attempts to perfect a beaming smile in the mirror, I'm STILL not remotely satisfied with my pic. It's not horrible, and I AM smiling for the first time ever (previous pics were attempts at The Tough Jock Pose), but dammit, it's not remotely my best pic. And they even allow you to approve of the pic...and I said "sure, that's fine"...i'm not THAT vain that i'd keep doing reshoots, further holding up others behind me. But fuck, I really looked good today...and yet the pic doesn't fucking reflect that. Motherfucker. I consoled myself in the parking lot by recalling I REALLY wanna move soon, which would merit another DMV trip and another try at looking my HOTTEST in my license photo. And...only me...the fucking pic machine fucked up on my turn -- so I had to do the whole pic process twice! And the FIRST pic was, of course, better than the one I'm stuck with. I'm also vaguely worried about the first license printed out...sure, she punched a hole in it...but was that gonna be destroyed in a shredder or just tossed in the trash? I was gonna ask till she punched the hole through it, at which point I said "eh, good enough" and walked out. I'm also pissed the final product didn't reflect my initial request to up me to 5'11''...again, only after Asian Broad asked if 5'10" was accurate. I found an old college doctor's report recently that DID put me at the higher end, so why the fuck have I been downsizing my manhood for years?!?! The whole thing took about 50 minutes...amazing. McGreevey DID affect sweeping change!! Come back, Jim! It wasn't remotely the hours-long hell of yesteryear...unless I just went at a good time? So that's my big DMV story. Wait, one more thought...why are there ALWAYS the trashiest looking people there when I go? ALL of society needs licenses...yet i'm always stuck looking at ROSEANNE extras...from her "working in the factory with George Clooney" period. Yes, I'm critical. SO happy to have gotten this done today...one more thing off my clogged mind. And then I did more grueling yardwork. And now i'm almost ready for bed, weary but ecstatic from my productive day.

I haven't even MENTIONED my awesome PHILLY weekend with great old friends, tons of drinking, The Fun Bus, 2am Geno's cheesesteaks, & filthy WHORES...

But I WILL. Filthy, buck-nude, UNDULATING whores...

"Gary, this WAS your life!"

A surreal, yet rejuvenating day. Took part in a "study" for $$ in the Financial District...which is where I used to work for more than 4 years. HAHA...putting STUDY in quotes kinda implies something perverse...it wasn't. Strictly legit. Odd, but legit. Honest. Though some firm downtown now has my fingerprints saved on their hard drive. But I digress; the study was so little of my day. Immediately after, I walked around the area...over to Peck Slip, which I'd never fully explored...but, most importantly, past where I used to work and soooooooo many places I'd eat and drink and shop in some years ago. I've been back before, but not in a long while, and I don't think ever during a work day, AND I lingered today like never before. I NEVER realized that the bar we spent so many nights in was in the basement of the landmark New York Cocoa Exchange. A lot of things are JUST the same, while others (like the Cocoa Exchange bar) exist only in memory. Funny to see security turnstiles in my building, whereas in my time there, we'd just waltz right to the elevator. Doing quick math, you'll figure out that I worked there PRE-9/11. It's very odd feeling nostalgic for a time and place you have no desire to go back to. I hated that job, a lot of the people annoyed the fuck out of me (see a theme?), and I am so NOT Finance Guy. I kinda wish I could be...I'd like the money, the "oh, isn't HE a bright go-getter!" respect, and even the dressing sharp part -- the Catholic school holdover in me, along with my inner-American Psycho. Just not me, though. There were days I'd play the role and look the part pretty well. But it meant nothing, and I'd still just be staring at the clock from the second I walked in. There's a handful of people I still keep in touch with from that job, and i'm grateful for knowing them. Thus, i'm grateful for the job itself, as dead-end as it was. I learned some things, experienced an environment, met some people...that I never imagined I would. In Oprah-speak, it's part of the tapestry of my life. I actually "climbed the ladder" and played the game pretty well there. I got a raise pretty fast, my boss loved me, and I got away with murder. Now that I think of it, people probably hated ME. Not my fault that I'm generally savvier, more manipulative, and far less invested in -- to steal from Lisa Simpson -- "pointless busywork" than most around me. MUAHAHAHAHA!! Good!! Let's just say my experience there was about as close to OFFICE SPACE as possible. Whew, I'm really pondering this ancient job! It was a big chunk of time, though...and THAT'S why today was so interesting. I was pondering an ERA...no matter how little the job meant to me. And I was walking around lower Manhattan on a gorgeous, if chilly, May day...after DAYS of being incredibly stressed. It just all did the soul good.

Who Am I? Where Am I Going?!?!

Carmela Soprano took the words right out of my mouth. I identified with every single word she said in that scene last night. But I don't feel like getting bogged down in melancholy now, so let's leave it at that. It's a beautiful May Monday outside...

This day...1983...a Wednesday...it was cloudy...

I abruptly moved into my grandmother's vacant house. Altered my life in endless ways for years to come. And I was recently thinking how my life would be totally different now if...she hadn't died. Isn't that odd? If she were still alive today, God KNOWS where I would have grown up...what friends I'd have...EVERYTHING. Most bizarre to ponder. It's almost like, do I THANK her for dying? Or curse her? Neither, of course. Sounds twisted. She died. Period. That's life. I guess it's funny to wonder about the could've beens, but ultimately pointless. I DO know her death was a seminal event in my life. But 1983...that was a DAMN good summer. Classic. The summer I compare all others to...and many others have also been great. '83 was the summer of kick-the-can, manhunt, EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE, SHE WORKS HARD FOR THE MONEY, blasting my dad's transistor radio while I sat on his car, seeing WARGAMES in Toms River, breaking my wrist on an August evening while rollerskating, and so much more. All of that from remembering what happened 23 years ago today...

Nelly Furtado

Her new single ("Promiscuous") is SICK, but what I wanted to say is that she is just one of the most stunningly beautiful women I've ever seen. End of post.

Panic...RESUME..reformatting...shoot me!

My ENTIRE day has been about reformatting my resume "to be read in an email"....in addition to the attachment method. The experience has reconfirmed why -- forget hating a dull office JOB -- but why I detest everything about even doing and sending out resumes. 90% of people reading this will likely, again, ask who the fuck I think I am...well, I think I'm someone who thinks resumes are bullshit. My OBJECTIVE? To fucking work. In a place devoid of jackass fucks. Can I put that? Actually, I have never even put an objective...I think THAT is the biggest crock of shit of all...some super vague statement about wanting to obtain a position in blah, blah, fucking blah. I yearn for the day I never have to make a resume again. I just want people to KNOW my work -- in a creative field, of course -- and hire me based on it. It's beyond aggravating just making a resume up...but then it totally fucks up when you copy and paste from one format to the other! Oh, my fucking God. I canNOT believe how much time I've spent today on this. And the PANIC I spoke of? That was me in bed at the crack of dawn...consumed with stress, tossing and turning, feeling on the verge of a heart attack. Lovely way to start the day. You know what, though? It WAS an incredibly productive day getting this resume shit updated and reformatted and saved multiple places. So i'm happy. I also had to deal with the landlord coming up with the carbon monoxide detector...which, naturally, didn't work...resulting in both of us on our knees on the floor, breathing labored, staring at the thing for 15 minutes as it periodically beeped. Can you say awkward sexual tension? Finally, he decided to read the instructions...but more so, that I should come downstairs and read them. And so I soon determined that it merely needed a battery inserted for backup...presto. I hope I won brownie points with the old man. I also finally got to tour the bedrooms downstairs...very intriguing set-up. All of this completely wasted a half-hour of my fucking time. Goodbye, time. Nice to have known you. So, yeah, while ultimately productive, it's been an annoying day. I wish I was in some desert town in Arizona, under a palm tree, watching the stars, and sipping a beer. I've really fucking had it.

Drake's coffee cakes

DAMN, are these good!! And it's been SO long since I've had them...because they literally haven't been on sale in YEARS, and I refuse to pay full price for anything. But they're half-price this week, baby, at Pathmark! Let the good times roll! It was a rather stressful day as I struggled with mounting financial issues. Woke up in a panic...but gradually calmed a bit. Put my energy into revising my resume, working out like a fiend...and looking for ways to make money. WHY isn't porn socially acceptable?!?! Fucking Nets lost the series to Miami...so my sports viewing is now over for the year, as the Devils are out of air, too. Dammit. At least that's more free time for me. Well, since I still have 47 things on my mind to do before bed, i'm ending this entry now.

The Fire Inspector

Sounds like another children's book...or a Cinemax flick. Knock on the door today...landlord...with the FIRE INSPECTOR. Um, what? OK. I ask as few questions as possible, acting like "oh, of COURSE, I expect your monthly visit"...when I have NEVER had a fire inspector come to the door in my LIFE! WHAT the fuck?! I mean, I think of that type of thing in large apt. buildings, or offices, or schools...where they just check the hallways, escape routes, etc. -- but a private 3 floor residence?!?! Again...WHAT the fuck?! So I failed miserably -- I think not having bars on the windows was the only thing RIGHT about my apartment. I suppressed a raucous gaffaw as the inspector, my landlord, and myself all stared up at the fire alarm in my bedroom -- open, with the battery wires dangling SANS battery...as it's been for years. FUCKING RIOT! Of course, I put on my best "oooohhhhh, yeah, THAT needs a battery...I'll get RIGHT on that today!" face...furrowed brow included. And so I had to waste $1.99 today on a fucking 9-volt battery...ShopRite brand, of course. Only the BEST life-saving batteries for ME. We're also in need of carbon monoxide detectors...which pisses me off, because I always kinda wanted to prove that I COULD detect "something was wrong" without a detector. Odorless, my ass. How can you NOT know something is wrong?!? Daredevil me! And this is all so odd, coming mere days after I decided I should have a Fire Bag for my diaries and photos. And the guy looked like he stepped off the set of BARNEY MILLER. Ok, that's today's "only in my life" anecdote...

MORE incredible ShopRite savings!!

Today was the best savings bonanza in recent memory, for I got not one thing super reduced, but THREE...one of them for FREE!! Let's run through it, shall we? I got a 3-pack of Dial Men's soap for 49 cents (!), a 26 oz. jar of Ragu for NINE cents (!!), and a 16 oz. Wishbone dressing for FREE!!! THREE name brand products for a total of 58 cents. THINK about that. The soap I just used a coupon for, which was naturally doubled. The other 2 were on sale, in addition to the coupon doubling. Just fantastic!!

Mother's Day

Ha, remember the horror film of that name from, I believe, '81? Oh, wow...I just googled it...1980, actually! I wonder if that's on cable anywhere tonight. But I digress. Naturally, today included dinner at mom's...dad cooked...I set the table like a good firstborn son. I was surprised how pleasant I was once I got there...because I'd been screaming profanities in the car the entire ride over. Literally the entire ride. For the holiday, more complete dolts than usual on the road...including those damn out-of-staters. But yeah, I was in a very good, CALM mood for the duration of my stay. After dinner, I stopped by My Other Family's for dessert and fun with Baby Fred. The "highlight" of my day, though? Sad, but true...cleaning all my bed coverings, including the mattress pad. Oh, but there's more -- I vacuumed my mattress...for the first time EVER. I read yesterday it should be "aired out" and cleaned for those dust mites...helps combat allergies. And so, I did. So domestic of me, huh? Yes...and I damn well better sleep like a baby tonight. Happy Mother's Day, mom!

Another self-congratulatory gem

I'd totally forgotten what my favorite dean in college said about me during a sit-down in his office...a sit-down he was bizarrely focused on obtaining for weeks...chasing me around -- well, not literally, but with phonecalls, notes, and the occasional awkward campus run-in. I'm still not sure why I avoided my session with him for so long...because once I relented, I wished that I'd gone much sooner, as he did nothing but boost my ego. It was like a therapy session...or what I imagine one would be like. And so, as my diary reminded me, he said the following simple line..."It takes a person of great sophistication to appreciate your complexity." Oh, you're making me blush, Dean! Of course, you're right, though.

(Kinda) The Perfect Saturday

Almost 4pm now...and I continue to sit in the living room, windows wide open on this sunny day, birds chirping, while reading the past 2 days' Star-Ledgers. I've also cleaned a bit and enjoyed a most leisurely late breakfast...that morphed into inhaling yet another strawberry shortcake Good Humor bar -- which, btw, were on sale this week at ShopRite for, ARE YOU READY, 89 fucking cents (!!) when they normally go for $3.99!!?!??!?! I've acquired 3 boxes of the strawberry...and sampled the almond ones, which, as I feared, are NOT that good. But you live, you learn, right? Of course, I'll still manage to ingest the other 5 remaining almond bars. I DID pay for them. So i've read a lot, i've cleaned a lot, i've eaten a lot, i've RELAXED a lot. Dipshit is away...since Wed...and it's just been fantastic. "Perfect" Saturdays take many forms. Today has been one...though there's still hours to go. Another version would be the one that unfolded this VERY day 11 years ago...Saturday, May 13, 1995. That is when, shortly after 3pm, 5 of us hopped in a car for Mrytle Beach, SC -- Senior Week!! Five days of nonstop drinking and other shenanigans ensued. I've just popped open a can of Miller Lite in honor of this anniversary. It's ALSO the 13th anniversary of 1) the KNOTS LANDING series finale and 2) my evening random chat on a bench with the lovely and talented Rae Lynn under a bunch of blooming trees, the smell of honeysuckle permeating the air. Yes, I recall all that. Yes, that may be a little odd. No, I'm not a weirdo, though. So i've been also poring through old diary entries...reflecting. Are you sensing i'm having a fun day? Cause I AM.

On THIS day in '84...

It's 2:40am on May 12...always a key day to me. It's the day in '84 that we left on a rainy Saturday at 7am or so for Florida...the morning AFTER the deadly Great Adventure fire. How do I recall this? I have no fucking clue, but it's always stood out to me. Taken out of school for that trip...THAT was fun! Sadly, the trip ended abruptly -- mercifully after everything Orlando -- when yours truly, who began feeling funny the night before we left Orlando, was determined to have the CHICKEN POX once we drove all the way to Key Biscayne. See, i'm writing this and memories are flooding back, and I just canNOT fathom that this was 22 years ago...some moments are SO vivid in my mind. I remember saying bye to certain neighbors as we drove off...reading about the deadly fire in the car...running INTO other neighbors -- white trash, who we hated, yet had to make pleasant, neighborly "wow, this is SO funny!" chitchat with for a few minutes -- at Epcot (cue It's A Small World After All joke)...feeling funny that night before. I also remember how pissed I was that we had to go home...and driving around in a monsoon through Miami looking for a doctor to see me...and how rough the surf was at our oceanfront hotel, and how there was like NO beach 'cause the surf was beating against the seawall...and how miserably uncomfortable I was on the ride home in the cramped back seat, in humid weather, as my pox began exploding...and how, once home, everything looked so much more verdant than when we left. And THEN i got "the tray." The Food Tray. In bed. I was basically cordoned off in my room, and mom would bring me meals. I even got a bell! I'd watch TV and eat all day, confined to bed, for DAYS. I remember rather enjoying it. Particularly the bell part. Ahhhh. So, yeah, this day always holds a lot of memories. Did you enjoy that trip back to the first Reagan administration? Today also marks 2 months since my birthday...no pondering THAT for me now, though. Hmm, funny...just looked up to see Weather Channel footage of...a beach in Miami. It is a GORGEOUS night out...high 50s, generally clear, that "after rain" moist feel to the air, a FULL MOON! And music...blasting from somewhere in Manhattan. Yes, I can hear it here...it must be some pier party in Chelsea. So that's that. I really had a bizarre sleep pattern last night...dozing at 4ish...up at 5:30...stayin up till 6:30...then up at 10:30. Pretty awake, though, for it being 3:30am now. Gonna read The Ledger now...in the still of the late, late night...

Greg!!

Hit NYC this evening...HAD to get out of the house. I also thought it would be fun to seek out and plant myself in front of a college friend's apartment -- someone I haven't seen in like a decade, who I randomly discovered in late February lived in NYC, yet haven't been able to connect with since -- and then call him, hoping he'd be home, then announce that "well, i'm right outside!" These spontaneous, unannounced barge-ins don't always work...but it did tonight!! YAY!! Make that FUCKING YAY!! An hour-and-a-half of witty, informative catching-up ensued. My mind is still spinning. He looked EXACTLY the same, which is funny in and of itself...but more so because I discovered he's had MULTIPLE wild hair changes in the interim, yet when he opened the door...like it was still 1995. **One also worries a long-unseen friend will suddenly be obese and/or bald, thrusting your lost youth in your face. Thankfully, that wasn't the case with Greg, either. Man, i'm just so thrilled to have seen and reconnected with him. My intention is to maintain contact, make him part of my new social fabric. OK, this rain is REALLY coming down now...and we've added lightning and thunder to the mix! Greg and I enjoyed a slice of (excellent, I must say) pizza on West 23rd before I began my sprint back to the Port Authority. It was JUST beginning to lightly rain as I did this, so the rain even held off for me...WHAT a blessing! AND I managed to snag my W Magazine with Madonna, in sexually-charged riding gear, complete with whip, on the cover. God fucking bless her...as interesting -- and at 47, as hot -- as ever. I JUST made my bus, sweat dripping down my face, and was home by midnight. OOOOOOOO, a loud bang of thunder! Can someone take a 58-page, body-flaunting, youth-preserving, provocative-prop-using photo spread of ME, please? No, i'm serious. Really.

It's currently monsooning

Just thought i'd note that. 1:55am. And I mean REALLY monsooning...like rain slamming against the window here in my living room, helped along by 25mph southerly gusts. The type of rain that just absolutely soaks you...an umbrella would do nothing. It's fun...from inside. I'm enjoying it. I like going to sleep in weather like this...it's been a while. Glad you wasted your time reading THAT, aren't ya?

The Newark Bear!

First of all, what are the cosmic chances of having NEWARK in the title line 2 days in a row? Nifty, huh? There's also a little pun in the title, given that Newark's minor league baseball team is the BEARS. But Cory Booker's first morning as mayor-elect coincided with yet another historic event...a BEAR in Newark. I'm still stunned almost a full day later. Now let's be clear...it's not like the estimated 6-foot black bear was waltzing into Prudential downtown during lunch hour. The drama unfolded on Newark's far western border, near Seton Hall and Irvington...but STILL!! It is still less than three miles from downtown! Crazy! I LOVE IT!! I was excited yesterday when the bear was spotted in Livingston...and before I heard the news today, was thinking how awesome it would be if a bear could somehow make it to Newark or the Kearny area...I mean, I was literally looking at a map to see how a bear may accomplish this -- wooded areas, major highways blocking it, things like that. HA! God, I kill myself. Just another glimpse into my deliciously bizarre mind. So, I nearly dropped my hot tea to the floor when I heard them say the bear WAS in Newark, darting across streets in the pre-dawn hours, then running through yards. I proceeded to then waste more time mapquesting the streets the news mentioned, YEARNING for Mr. Bear (or Mrs?...not sure) to somehow hop the Parkway and scurry toward downtown. Sadly, this was not to be. About 1:20pm, the bear was found and cornered in a backyard on Ruth St. in Irvington...even closer to downtown, I'll have you know, and only blocks from the Parkway. But Urban Bear was then shot dead with a rifle...about 7 times. Why...no one's exactly sure. What happened to tranquilizer darts? I mean, the bear was just sitting there in plain sight, not harming anyone. No one was in imminent danger. A shame. Poor thing brought some peculiar surprise to the area...and is then killed. You just don't SEE bears in Newark...ever. Until today. It really is something. To me, at least. And to think I used to get excited if deer were spotted in Union. Fuck that! I want a BEAR...in NEWARK! Told ya I was a closet country boy...

Cory Booker...good for NEWARK!!

I'm not into raising politicians to god-like stature, nor am I some idealistic moron in general (or am I?), nor do I spend a great deal of time in Newark...BUT...I've always been very thankful to have grown up a stone's throw from NJ's largest city, and I'm an endless believer of its great potential to restore itself to its pre-riot reputation and then some. I'd live and hang there if it truly became safe and hip downtown at night...HOW great would that be?! And every now and then, a politician comes around who I DO truly believe in to some degree. Cory Booker is one of those politicians. He's Ivy League-educated, ambitious as hell, and YOUNG. Real young. TOTALLY new blood for Newark. Very charismatic, too. You see my point, surely...everything about his election can ONLY be good for Newark. And WHAT an election! A genuine landslide and a clear mandate. More than 70% of the vote! Now a LOT has to be said for Sharpe James, corrupt or not, and what he's initiated. But Booker has a whole new energy and a whole new generation behind him. I'm excited! ME...excited about a politician's potential. How positively quaint.

MARRIAGE...The Great Conspiracy

Hey, Lance Armstrong's ex said it, not me...though I agree with her. The audience at Oprah's show gasped when she said this. How DARE she condemn our favorite institution! I actually have too much on my mind right now to waste TOO much time fleshing out my argument on this matter...BUT...I have long said (generally to myself, lol, as this isn't a topic generally cocktail party-friendly) that people marry AND have children for ALL the wrong reasons. It's allllllllll about The Day, and The Ring, and keeping up with the Joneses, and trying to fill some void in your life...without truly dwelling on the "till DEATH do you part." And no one's gonna admit "ya know, Gary, you're RIGHT...I'm NOT happy in my marriage...and I DO resent my child...and "that void" STILL isn't filled." No one's gonna admit that. So I fight a losing argument. I'm already wasting too much time on this, but in general, I think marriage is a ridiculously outdated, pie-in-the-sky institution. All about people trying to fulfill The American Dream when they're too young and/or too dumb. Oh, but they're in loooooooooove. RIIIIIIIIIIIGHT. Listen, some HAVE found, er, The One at 25. But not many. With each passing day, i'm only more sure of myself. And I'm NOT saying I'll never marry. And i'm NOT angry, bitter, jealous, or any other word those threatened by this opinion would throw at me. I'm smart. And I think. And i'm realistic that you're a different person at 25, 35, 45...95!!!! You should work on YOU when you're young, not THE MARRIAGE. Ok, i'm done...Christ, THERE'S mucho time out of my day on a not-even-fully crystallized argument. And ironic it comes on MY "silver anniversary"...

My Silver Anniversary

I woke up this morning and realized, with absolute astonishment, that it was 25 years ago today that I made my First Holy Communion. Awwwwww. May 9, 1981. Now surely i'm the only one who recalls the date of their communion. It was a sunny, pleasant Saturday. Both grandmothers were still alive...one to die less than 5 months later. We went to a local diner afterwards. I shared the party with my 2 cousins at a hall. I am JUST amazed that i'm old enough to so clearly recall something that happened 25 years ago. Naturally, the next thing on my mind was "OH, MY GOD...25 years from NOW i'm 58!!?!"...which I quickly pushed out of my mind. As crazy as it is that it's been 25 years...it DOES seem like a lifetime ago. So that's good, at least. Still odd, though. I think i'll fondle my rosary beads later to get a physical reminder...

My life is absurd...TOTALLY absurd

Nothing happened today to really warrant the title of today's entry, but it just occurred to me that I'd like to just put that out there...that my life IS absurd...AND that i'm fully aware of it. You have NO idea how absurd. It's not something that happened overnight...nor will it be fixed as quickly. But I AM on my way...have been all year, as i've said before. No need for specifics. Just trust daddy that the things you wouldn't think twice about having or doing...most likely, I don't HAVE them, and thus, can't DO them. It's just funny -- how I got "here," how I sail through each day, how NONE of it really makes sense...and certainly how I keep my sanity and good humor, not to brag. I do not know another living soul like me. WHAT the FUCK?!?! Funny, too, the things I consider HUGE milestones in my "recovery." It's all just so fucking bizarre. I'm speaking vaguely, which is no fun, so i'll stop dissecting my complicated psyche. This day has been BLAH. Yes, a couple things transpired to ignite my psychobabble. Good things, mind you...but things that would not even be of remote paramount importance to 95% of my peers, but to me were life and death. Insanity. I've been SOOOOOO tired all day, though. Did NOT sleep well...I'll go to bed soon (2:30ish) to make up for last night. So i've just had no energy all day. Yet I got some quality shit done...mainly stuff I can do online in a foggy, sleep-deprived haze...like order Amtrak materials to the house for full perusal. CHOO-CHOO!! And some yoga, stretching...whatever the fuck you wanna call it. A lot of that. I highly recommend it...rejuvenates!! And my late night walk just before. Isn't this a riveting recount? David Blaine's latest stunt aired tonight...but the poor bastard didn't break the record for holding one's breath. Awww. I was rather exhausted switching between him, "24," and the Nets blowing away Miami. I went to see Blaine in '99 for his first big stunt of laying in a glass coffin for days. Then I saw him encased in ice in Times Square. Then the truly magical happened when I saw him with a bunch of his obnoxious friends on 34th Street. Enough of him. His stoner/zen/"humble" delivery wears on my nerves. **Totally randomly...i'm SO fucking sick of everyone loving GREY'S ANATOMY. I could NOT care less about it. Which nicely segues into the fact that I taped HOUSEWIVES last night...I haven't watched it in months...and I see it's just as empty as ever. Same fake set, same stupid music, same cartoon characters. I've found it overhyped from day one. It's watchable, sure...but in a completely passive way. NOTHING i'd run home for. But I'm too tired to again go off on my fellow Americans. Time to prep for what BEST be a sound, restorative sleep. Thank you, Lord, for this day.

GOOD SPELLING -- "He's SO fucking full of himself!" Alert

So after an afternoon of downing 4 beers and tons of food at my cousin's communion fest at the Madison Hotel, I came home to the Star Ledger's Accent section cover story on spelling. My heart skipped a few beats, as it always does when I see or hear something in the media that corroborates how i've felt for years. What most struck me was the following..."Good spelling is almost a personality trait. Good spelling communicates to people that you're intelligent, that you're well-educated, that you care about detail and quality in your work." -- Paige Kimble, director of the Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee

Well said, Paige! Now wouldn't it be amusing if something in this entry was spelled wrong?

Nothing

Nothing is what i've done today. Nothing. I got up...well, a couple times to piss...but I got up for good at like 12:45pm. I was waiting for Dipshit to leave for the day with his friend. And since, i've just sat in the living room, sitting online and occasionally watching some TV. Sure, some online stuff got done. Yes, I worked out a tad. But overall, it's been the least productive day in memory. Having said that, at just about 11pm now, I'm gonna go to ShopRite soon. And I'll get some late night shit done in my room. So it won't be a complete wash. Yesterday was crazy, tomorrow will be, too. Guess I just needed a day to chill...and the roomie being gone helped, too. But there's no denying I need to attend an internet addiction group...

Vince Vaughn doesn't own a cell!!!??!

Happy Mexican Army Victory over the French Day!! 3am...and i'll be doing a shot of Jameson's after writing this in honor of the Mexicans, me, and a couple others I'll hold private. So Vince was on Dave tonight, and he said he doesn't own a cell! How great is that? A movie star...SOMEHOW manages without a cell. Sure, his handlers who trail him surely keep him in the loop. But still. I'll just calmly state...again...that until VERY recently, people, we all survived fine without them. God bless ya, Vince. So today was a good day...this first Friday of May 2006. Got my check from the marketing company earlier than expected, which set in motion a chain of positive, productive events. It was sunny and 80, I did more crazy wearying yardwork, had TWO dinners. The day began with me kinda tense and frustrated, but once I got that check and went out and about, I was totally zen. On the Path train, I thought of my train ride to New Mexico and how I'd REALLY love to take a ride like that again & how much I LOVE trains. As much as I love driving, there's something fantastic about just sittin back, off the Interstate, and watching the country go by. Amtrak, your website's about to become a new favorite. Well, it's been a full day. Time to do that late night shot...

TIME...a gift that is neither borrowed nor returned

That's what my Salada teabag greeted me with this morning. Sure, it's trite...but painfully true. I've always enjoyed fortune cookie-type little sayings. There's a great deal of truth in cliches. So it seems kinda perverse that my day began with that saying floating in my head...yet I've been super restless and bored the entire day. Blah, blah, yeah, I looked for jobs...yeah, I worked out. But while I was technically always doing something, a lot of it was online and I'd have been better served gettin more OFFline stuff done. I spent a good TWO hours painstakingly using Mapquest to figure out where a friend's wedding and reception in Massachusetts in June is located...and the fastest way for me to get there, completely ignoring the directions given. I wonder if Rand McNally is hiring? I vacuumed today...and used that as an excuse to justify moving Dipshit's boots in the spare room to the closet, should he ever ask where they are. Call me anal, obsessive, compulsive, a control freak...call me whatever you want...but I was growing more angry by the hour looking at WINTER boots sitting out as we sail into May. And Lord knows they'd have sat there till next winter if I didn't move them. And I certainly wasn't going to initiate an awkward conversation about how irritated I am looking at his boots. Just another example of 1) how every move he makes -- or doesn't -- irritates me and 2) how I'm sure many think i'm nuts. May 4...May 4...May 4...and the calendar flips again. Jesus Christ, my head is spinning with issues. Yet i'm calm. It's a bizarre combo. MONEY would solve a LOT of problems, I tell you. $$$$$. As Cyndi sang so ferociously, it DOES change everything.

A walk in the misty rain in my shorts

The second night it truly feels like summer's around the corner...humid again, and a late night stroll in light rain in shorts, my wife beater, and a light flannel shirt...and I wasn't remotely chilly. Breathing in that wonderful damp air. Ahhhh. So today was yet another day where I just spent a STUPID amount of time dealing with AT&T. I thought most of it had been taken care of yesterday...but today's "finishing up" took far longer than I'd hoped. But it IS all done now. Plans have been dropped and added, savings cemented, ungodly amounts of fine print understood to the point that I felt like I was prepping for an exam. Mission complete! What ELSE I did today...hmm, not so sure, lol. But I was constantly -- as always -- doing something. Never idle. **Job hunting is always a given, by the way. OK, time for late night internet play and "Frasier"...

I'm disgusted Moussaoui didn't get DEATH

Yet another idiot jury comes back with yet another idiot verdict. Nothing personal, jurors. God, this is far too complicated to really get into while I'm trying to concentrate on the always hilarious Rosie Perez on Letterman. But this monster should have gotten death. Period. The thing that most makes my blood boil is this complete bullshit about considering his sob story childhood. WHAT?!?!?! Who FUCKING cares!!!!!!!! I am just blown away by the ongoing stupidity of my fellow Americans on a daily basis. **Today I was reminded how STILL infuriated I am that OJ walks the earth a free man. And so this fuck walks out laughing and clapping. Unreal. Just unreal. Now ABOUT that death penalty...if he HAD gotten it, the sad fact is that he'd be breathing for YEARS to come. THAT has to stop. WHAT, pray tell, is the problem with bringing them directly from their verdict to their death? Spare me the "it's more complicated than that" mumbo jumbo. It's NOT. Jesus. Enough of this.

That certain FEEL to the air...

I walked outside tonight and it was HUMID. Cool, in the 50s, but humid for the first time this season. And it SMELLED of spring, too...fragrant. So I most enjoyed my 10pm stroll to Pathmark because of this. Wonderful stroll. I'm trying to get into the fact that it's MAY!!!!!! At the same time, i'm painfully AWARE of the fact that it's MAY...in that kind of "Jesus Christ, this year is flying by and I have a SHITload of plots and goals to see to!" way. It'd be tempting to say today was a big comedown from yesterday...but I actually DID fulfill one giant goal out of dozens on my mind -- thoroughly go through both my local and long distance phone bills, see what I'm paying for, understand it, compare plans, CHANGE plans, set up an ONLINE account to do this all. You get the point. All this excruciating minutae took some three fucking hours, I'll have you know. I'm now on a new local plan that saves me a whopping $4 a month, but every cent counts. And i'd been getting 8 features I absolutely NEVER use. Here is what I use...*69 and caller ID. Period. There is zero point to have anything else if you ask me. Call forwarding? Give me a break. Every day of my life, I still marvel at the genius of caller ID and wonder how we ever lived without it. Pick up the phone WITHOUT knowing who it is?! Are you MAD?! Tomorrow, I will either consolidate both local and long...as it USED to be, back in the day...or simply get a cheaper long distance rate. I mean, i'm the man never ON the phone. Anyway, it's just one more aspect of me assuming complete and utter control of EVERY aspect of my life...slowly but surely. I CRAVE control! Goody, goody!

The envelope, please...

That's what I said to myself about 2,000 times today as I stuffed envelopes for 8 hours at a marketing company in Union Square. Oh, but that was after about 2 hours of forging the owner's signature on the cover letters. Ok, let's bullshit that up a bit...today I assisted a hip downtown marketing company execute a highly important mailing campaign to lure more clients. It was a good day, though. I worked, I was out there in the world, at a very cool building in the Village, with two very pleasant people. It was 70 degrees, I roamed the Village during lunch, had a Gray's Papaya hot dog, saw Martha's 2nd place Apprentice yapping on her cell at an outdoor cafe, and after work ran smack into the Immigration protest march down Broadway. I took a photo, of course. I also finally stopped in Trader Joe's on 14th...and quickly exited. Too many idiots...moving too slowly. Lunch was particularly wonderful...just strolling, not a cloud in the sky, past brownstones & doggies in the front window of a pet store & so much more. I walked 30 blocks from the Port Authority to work...didn't phase me. Relaxing. Made it at 9 on the dot. Later, I walked home...with a gallon of milk. Yes, i'm rather tired...yet thrilled at my productivity. And I honestly think my forearms got a great workout from the envelopes. I can't believe it's May 1, though. But it is. MAY!!?! VERY aware of the clock ticking. Let the games begin!