As I sit here inhaling my "Party Cake" Turkey Hill ice cream and watching the IDOL finale...

...I feel like I should be living in a trailer. I know it's far and away the #1 show in America -- but then again, I rarely side with the majority of Americans -- and I HAVE been addicted to it for months. But right now, this finale is so ridiculously fucking queer, what with the Disneyland-esque group songs, the Ford "commericals," the idiot audience about to faint. OK, so I DID just really enjoy Mary J and my boy Elliott. Overall, though, I feel like I'm in a trailer in Arkansas, my dog tied to a pole outside, clothes flapping on the makeshift clothes line, dirty dinner dishes in the sink, Bud can in my hand, nuts hanging out of my boxers...getting my entertainment bang of the year with the IDOL finale. And I can't leave out that Seacrest is still the biggest no-talent tool on earth.