Can children PLEASE be banned from some movie theaters? You know, i'd even settle for separate entrances...

Today was a momentous day...Gary went to a movie! By myself, of course...as always. It was the first time I went to a theater this year, finally utilizing my Loew's gift card from Christmas. And what movie at long last got me to a theater? CLERKS 2. I'm sure that's a curious choice to many. But it was PERFECT. It was the perfect movie, on the perfect day, in the perfect season, and I was in the perfect mood. CLERKS 2 for three reasons...it was a comedy, it was incredibly profane, and was set in NJ. Set in, if not largely filmed there. I yearned for more scenes of NJ other than the Quick Stop store...that I HAVE been in. Where it was filmed could actually be a 4th reason...Buena Park, CA. I found myself scrutinizing the details of the outside backgrounds...for both what another area of LA looks like, and also to see how well Kevin Smith hid the tell-tale PALM TREES that clearly are not native of NJ. I am sure I was the only one in the theater actively looking for palm trees on screen. Yes, I saw a few...way, way out on the horizon, mind you, but you can't mistake those beautiful trees. Oh, wait, this blog was supposed to be about my hatred for children...let me steer back to that. Yes, I DETEST children. Particularly children accompanied by appallingly fat yenta mothers in tight shorts that accentuate their FATness as they stand directly in front of me in the concession line, bantering with their yenta girlfriend as they order about 17 different things, while I glance increasingly furiously at my watch. And the kids are going MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY about the food they want and the video games they wanna play. OY, VEY! It took EVERY ounce of strength in my body not to scream WOULD EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MOVE A LITTLE FASTER?!??!? And people honestly WONDER why i'm not a fan of The Moviegoing Experience?!?!?!?!?! The experience of what...being enraged? So, yes, can't they simply have an Adults Only line for both the box office and concession stand? Must I come up with ALL the genius ideas? Or maybe even a Single Persons Only line. ANY line that gets me away from all the whining children and fat fuck parents. Ok, and that line should actually extend to ALL public facilities. And while i'm at it, relegate to their own line slow-witted foreign speakers who haven't grasped the English language sufficiently enough to ensure a lightning-fast encounter with ANY kind of ticket-agent or cashier. I also dealt with THOSE types in front of me. Christ, I thought they were applying for a visa, it was taking so long. It's POPCORN, bitch, POPCORN! Pick a size and step aside, you fucking whore!! Now, I know it sounds like I had a miserable time, but NO...overall, i'm very happy with today's moviegoing experience. Because I DID see a movie, I DIDN'T miss any of the movie due to slow-moving fucks, and last but not least, the theater WASN'T very crowded -- which isn't a good sign for Kevin Smith. I mean, a rainy summer Saturday at 3pm...shouldn't it have been more full? So I had my pick of seats and got to put my feet up. And no one really annoyed me in the theater...though I was briefly agitated by the incredibly old man being helped into a seat by a female companion about 5 minutes after the movie began. Um, did he even know where he was? Was this ancient man actually a fan of the obscenely profane Kevin Smith? Struck me as very odd. And let's talk about that language!! Oh, it was WONDERFUL! Not just curses, but racial slurs, lol...the worst you can imagine. So bad even I won't repeat them here...nor do I use them. But HOW refreshing to HEAR them! To not be so afraid and such a pussy and so politically correct! BRAVO! I have more to say on this movie, but not now. I'm suddenly yearning to opine on 2 other issues. So, in closing, fuck the children!