Hacking my laptop to pieces
With a hammer. In the meadows. In a deserted parking lot. It felt really good.
Backstory, you ask? Ugh, must I? I'm really tired after circling forEVER looking for the right spot, then looking for a dumpster, then roaming Paramus shopping for hours. And I didn't sleep well (again) to begin with. In short, though, today was one of those days where I woke up inexplicably fixated on accomplishing something very specific...today's winner being FINALLY ridding myself of my non-working laptop that's been taking up space since September. The laptop that was a cast-off from a friend anyway, and was 10 years old, and had this fucking PORT thing that it had to attach to in order to operate. And then I ripped the cord in September, and since it's so old, finding a replacement is more trouble than it's worth, akin to finding the Holy Grail. And, oh, yeah, I can afford to buy myself a BRAND NEW one now, so FUCK IT! FUCKING FUCK IT! GOODBYE, 2ND HAND, DECADE OLD PIECE OF SHIT!
But you don't just drop a computer on the curb these days. Not only are there increasingly irritating environmental laws (which includes merely finding out if there ARE any for my particular curb, and, well, I just don't have the patience to launch an investigative inquiry...I wanted this thing out of my room TONIGHT), but then there's the issue of privacy...and my paranoia about some tech geek coming upon my laptop and finding...well, i'm not quite sure. But i've always WANTED to smash something to pieces, anyway, so why not the computer? So like a serial killer, I placed the laptop into a small luggage bag, also brought along a hammer, and went off to the meadows seeking solitude. This, naturally, was harder than I'd expected, but I finally found a good place. Glancing all around me for eyewitnesses, I opened the passenger side door and lugged out the body, I mean, computer and placed it on the pavement. And began hammering away at the motherfucker! I really DID feel like I was doing something sinister, but I'll keep those dark thoughts private. Naturally, I photographed the event, too.
And then I...DIDN'T get rid of the thing. I actually DO care about "the environment" and kept trying to find a suitable dumpster. So now I'm driving around endlessly, peering into dumpsters. I really AM surprised I successfully avoided being questioned by security. I indeed have a knack for subterfuge. I finally found one decent enough for the PORT part of it...so in it went. Yay! Meanwhile, i'd gotten down to the "hard drive"...which was this squarish little thing. I had no idea if such an actual labeled & specific "part" existed...but there it was. SO...i'm gonna hammer it just a bit more tomorrow, see if I can permanently puncture this "hard drive," then find a toss-worthy burial bin. Yeah, I know...i'm nuts. I go to weird extremes. I'm paranoid. Whatever. I like to think i'm SMART and INTERESTING.
Backstory, you ask? Ugh, must I? I'm really tired after circling forEVER looking for the right spot, then looking for a dumpster, then roaming Paramus shopping for hours. And I didn't sleep well (again) to begin with. In short, though, today was one of those days where I woke up inexplicably fixated on accomplishing something very specific...today's winner being FINALLY ridding myself of my non-working laptop that's been taking up space since September. The laptop that was a cast-off from a friend anyway, and was 10 years old, and had this fucking PORT thing that it had to attach to in order to operate. And then I ripped the cord in September, and since it's so old, finding a replacement is more trouble than it's worth, akin to finding the Holy Grail. And, oh, yeah, I can afford to buy myself a BRAND NEW one now, so FUCK IT! FUCKING FUCK IT! GOODBYE, 2ND HAND, DECADE OLD PIECE OF SHIT!
But you don't just drop a computer on the curb these days. Not only are there increasingly irritating environmental laws (which includes merely finding out if there ARE any for my particular curb, and, well, I just don't have the patience to launch an investigative inquiry...I wanted this thing out of my room TONIGHT), but then there's the issue of privacy...and my paranoia about some tech geek coming upon my laptop and finding...well, i'm not quite sure. But i've always WANTED to smash something to pieces, anyway, so why not the computer? So like a serial killer, I placed the laptop into a small luggage bag, also brought along a hammer, and went off to the meadows seeking solitude. This, naturally, was harder than I'd expected, but I finally found a good place. Glancing all around me for eyewitnesses, I opened the passenger side door and lugged out the body, I mean, computer and placed it on the pavement. And began hammering away at the motherfucker! I really DID feel like I was doing something sinister, but I'll keep those dark thoughts private. Naturally, I photographed the event, too.
And then I...DIDN'T get rid of the thing. I actually DO care about "the environment" and kept trying to find a suitable dumpster. So now I'm driving around endlessly, peering into dumpsters. I really AM surprised I successfully avoided being questioned by security. I indeed have a knack for subterfuge. I finally found one decent enough for the PORT part of it...so in it went. Yay! Meanwhile, i'd gotten down to the "hard drive"...which was this squarish little thing. I had no idea if such an actual labeled & specific "part" existed...but there it was. SO...i'm gonna hammer it just a bit more tomorrow, see if I can permanently puncture this "hard drive," then find a toss-worthy burial bin. Yeah, I know...i'm nuts. I go to weird extremes. I'm paranoid. Whatever. I like to think i'm SMART and INTERESTING.
posted by Gregoire at 9:44 PM
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