Gee, I wish I could go for a walk

I was all set to take a ponderous, late-night, refreshing stroll to cap off this St. Patrick's Day, likely involving a stop at Dunkin Donuts for a tasty hot beverage. But then I remembered my key to the front door...my TWO keys. You see, last night, I finally decided to move the car out of the bus stop and into a legit space at 2:30am. Upon returning to my house, I could feel the key STARTING TO BREAK in the door. I gathered my wits, and with a Spitzer-like finesse, I ever so delicately maneuvered that motherfucking key around the tight hole it was pulverizing, and successfully kept the key intact AND opened the door. I could FEEL the key starting to bend and twist. You know, the same fucking thing happened to the key to my parents' house last year, except in that case, the key broke in two. Luckily, they were home and let me in...and we successfully extracted the half-a-key from the door. But 3am last night would NOT have been good if something happened.

Flash forward to today. I'm elated when the man at Lowe's states he CAN successfully copy the key. There's a TINY tear in it and it's also ever-so-slightly bent, so I wasn't sure he could do it...and neither was he. But he did! But me being me, I didn't get 100% excited until I actually returned home later and tried the key. Yup, that's right...numerous attempts did NOT open the door. SO...I gingerly put the old one in again, and it mercifully worked. I noticed the new key is a HAIR longer than the original, so I'm gonna try sanding it down a bit tonight (yes, I have sandpaper handy...doesn't everyone?) and try it again TOMORROW...in the light of day. When I can ring a bell...call someone...go somewhere...if neither key gets me back in the house. I'm gonna be pissed if I wasted $1.47 on a pointless key! So, yeah, I can't leave the house until daylight. FUCK! I need to start scaling the fire escapes and leaving the window open a crack...