WHY have I kept a Gideons New Testament Book of Psalms & Proverbs in my sock drawer for 17 years?

It's funny, this thing called life...and the chain of circumstance. Due to my fucked up house key, I went looking for a spare one in the only place it would be...a shoebox FULL of oddities that I've had in my sock dresser drawer (2nd from the bottom) for, well, my entire life? By "oddities," I mean eyeglass cases, watches (that don't work), old work ID cards, an electric razor I bought just before college, needles & thread, rosary beads (!), assorted buttons, my First Communion book. Things like THAT. ODDITIES. Oh, yes, and to continue the slightly religious theme, that Gideon book of God stuff. It's orange, smaller than my hand, and 633 tiny pages of Mark, Luke, Hebrews, and Revelations, among others. There's my name, dutifully handwritten after "presented to" on the first page, and the date.

But WHY do I still have this? I recall it was given out in religion class...but by the Gideons? Did one of them come to speak? You know, those freshly-scrubbed young men who walk around ringing doorbells in white shirts and toting tiny Bibles. One came to my aid once a couple summers ago...fearing I was lost and alone...when I was really stalking my own house, waiting for my fucking landlords to get off the front porch so I didn't have to engage in stilted conversation. But why would they have been invited to a Catholic school? Well, I WAS in an ADVANCED religion class for exceptionally gifted young thinkers, open to being accepting of all beliefs...so maybe we were being introduced to a Special Type Of Christian. I don't recall a rabbi or Muslim cleric ever being hauled in, though.

Anyway, this religious relic will be tossed into the trash tonight. Thanks to my fucked up key. That Shoebox O'Shit has been on my "fucking weed through that!" agenda for a VERY long time. I'm happy to finally make tonight that night. Completely randomly. Being forced to CONFRONT The Shoebox of personal trinkets. My fucking RETAINERS are still in there!!!!!! I'll slip one of them on tonight for kicks...and pray it comes off. God, I love my teeth, thanks in part to those retainers. Have you noticed this dual contradictory need to hang onto things while also being obsessed with streamlining? Hmm, I just had a funny thought while I urinated...the Book of Psalms would look lovely on the back of the toilet...some light reading as you shit. Amusing, but i'll pass. Well, thank you, Gideons. Peace be with you.