BREAKING 2:50am NEWS!!...Zarqawi, the leader of al-Qaeda in Iraq, is DEAD!!

YAY!! And his "spiritual advisor," too! YAY again! We bombed him to death. Glorious! I got excited when I spied the words "Special Report" on my TV as I tended to other matters. This was about 2:40am on ABC. It's always EXTRA exciting when major news breaks in the dead of night. Soon, I heard the terrific news. He ain't Osama, but this is BIG. Oh, thank Christ SOMETHING has gone right over there. Now the only thing more interesting than THIS middle-of-the-night news is that NOWHERE else can this news be found...no other network, broadcast or cable, nothing on the net. What the fuck?! Are they all too afraid to report it until super official confirmation comes? Or are they behind-the-eightball morons? Either way, KUDOS to ABC News! And KUDOS to the US military!!!!!