MENSA...for me?

I honestly need to take an IQ test, because I've been convinced for years that i'm a genius. I'm NOT being funny. Not remotely. It's the ONLY explanation for why i'm constantly enraged by all kinds of stupidity -- from book smarts to current events to social skills to common sense. You name it. Now, listen...my grades in both high school and college were painfully average...but more so because the many highs were evened out by EMBARRASSING lows. But i'll argue to the death that it's because I had some kind of undiagnosed A.D.D. and my head was just constantly all over the place. VERY hard for me to focus. Same thing with my very blah SAT score. Certainly not AWFUL, but sooooooooooo not great. But i'm bright. Very bright. And a vastly underrated manipulator. Many others are much brighter in select areas. But OVERALL, in the game of life, I think I have it fuckin goin on. **Let me note I'm an excellent speller, and i've heard MANY times that good spelling correlates to great smarts. Amusing if something's spelled wrong here. Oh, but listen to me brag! My point is that I really, really need an answer! It would explain my daily rage that has consumed me for years! I'd make photocopies and barely argue...just say SHUT THE FUCK UP once, in a controlled manner, and hand over the proof. And I could shoot archery with Geena Davis! God, I MUST make this happen! Of course, an IQ test is...a test. And I don't test well. Well, i'll take it over and over a la Elaine Benes. And if you never hear me talk about this again? It means I took the test and i'm technically retarded.

In the "what I did today" segment of our show...the same as all week. It's funny how whole weeks take on their own storyline. College, college, college this week...reviewing, discarding, remembering, researching, seeking out, being inspired. NOT inspired is Harry Connick, Jr.'s haircut. Did anyone else catch his fucking Flock of Seagulls 'do on Letterman? Jesus Christ, just when I thought he couldn't annoy me more. Although he DID look particularly goofy, which I'm happy about. I'm no Paul Newman, I know, but I'm not lauded as one...as Harry is. He is one ODD looking motherfucker. And he stars in films with Ashley Judd. Horrible. Just horrible.

Horrible also describes my feelings over a dud snowstorm. MAYBE an inch...not the 4-7" they said. Idiots. However, there IS a fine glaze of picturesque ice on all the trees and bushes...always a plus. Naturally, there was a slew of auto accidents with the usual intrepid reporters interviewing the usual idiots going too fast, sliding off the road, crashing into a tree, and having their roof shorn off. "I don't know how it happened," the lucky survivors plea. Riiiiiiiiiight. Maybe going 70 on a curving stretch of road on a sheet of ice? Maybe that? Dumb fucks. Alrighty, i'm done today's little session. Oh, last night, I DID dip my finger in my cigar remnant and make the sign of the cross on my forehead...just for 3am kicks. I'm hoping it's good luck for a year. Who wants to join me in bed for THE JEFFERSONS?