My skin will be IN!

Speaking to my Hungarian Goddess now...about turning 33, and the upcoming summer, and I mentioned how I plan on having a GREAT summer...how i'm gonna flaunt my 33-year-old badass fucking self to the admiring public. Actually, SHE (who we'll call Vulga) spoke of her high summer hopes first...how she'll dress like a whore on her Long Island Sound boat, her huge cans heaving out of her barely-there bikini. I will pretend to be her Austrian cousin. This will be my excuse to parade on deck in a speedo, my nutsack perilously close to flopping out and getting caught in fishing line. We will embrace our thirtysomething bodies for all of Greenwich to see. I had a running fear in my youth of my nuts dangling out of my plaid shorts. I don't know why, in retrospect. It would've brought me the street cred I so desperately needed. Speaking of nutsack, I finally caught TARADISE last night. I stumbled upon it; it wasn't something I sought out. A train wreck indeed. Fucking Tara making Wyckoff, NJ look bad. Stupid cuntwhore. This girl is just APPALLING. Her voice, her body, her vocabulary, her demeanor, her PARENTS. Awful, all of it. Am I being harsh? Probably...but not by much. Surely there's dumber loose, drunken whores out there with parents that don't know when they and their daughter are being made to look like fools. But since they're the ones on E!, I'll pick on them. OY! So I hope this blog was witty and thought-provoking, filling a niche, inviting rampant LINK-age, as the "New York" cover story suggests are surefire ways to add readers. ONE more time...NUTSACK!!