Sunrise, sunset

The most encouraging part of this "still processing things" day was sending a fantastic sunrise pic of my friend entering the ocean with a surfboard in Bradley Beach to the Star Ledger's photo contest. I love this pic...so much that I blew it up and put it on my living room wall. I really think I have a shot at winning, at the very least, the 2nd place $2,500 prize in the "Jersey Scenes" category. The Grand Prize is $25,000! Can I dare dream?! Frankly, lol, I will be pissed if I DON'T win. I need a fucking break, dammit. I need recognition and I need money. Hell, I'll even take 3rd place...a $400 digital camera. But I REALLY want the money. Conversely, the most depressing part of this day began with a stunning view of the sun setting over the Meadowlands, with the hills in the distance. It was quite a sight, the clouds all perfectly situated and colored. I caught it as I entered ShopRite in North Bergen...delayed my entry to go toward the back of the store for a closer look. Surely I was being stared at; I tried not to care. I just stood there gawking at the beauty of the day ending...and, naturally, thought of Maggie. I'd been doing so well all day for the most part. Dipshit didn't get home till after 5:30pm, so I had the whole day to myself. Pouring rain gave way to brilliant sun...everything looked so green and glistening. Full of LIFE. Leaning out my front window, I was so grateful to simply smell the fresh air. But the sunset made me depressed again, and I wandered through ShopRite in a funky haze. I didn't even feel like being there...great deals on cereal and OJ and all. But I got my few things, and mildly buoyed myself by stumbling on a 49-cent 4-pack of batteries. I feel better now again. It struck me how random the waves of both joy and depression can be...what sets them off. I had fun this afternoon thoroughly examining an Ocean County map...where I was this weekend, where relatives live. I LOVE maps! I'm super tired now, though...and it's not even midnight. I'm gonna end this night and weekend kinda early...hopefully be well-rested and rarin' to go for Monday morning. No matter how I feel, I have little patience for long-term moping. I'M alive.