LESS sleep is GOOD for you...MORE evidence that Gary's a fucking genius

At the end of this smug rant, i'll supply a link where you can read ALL about how a new study shows 1) less sleep is linked to longer living, 2) people who sleep less are generally more successful, 3) sleeping pills are the latest drug of choice, and are 4) very likely bad for you. I'd like to add a #5 of my own...my OWN lifelong study shows that most people are, inexplicably, morning people who believe (MOST falsely and MOST righteously) that if you haven't accomplished 39 things by noon, you might as well just go back to bed and consider that day a fucking failure of epic proportions. More to the point, you're a lazy, unambitious fuck-up with no hope for life advancement just because you like waking AT noon. Well, I am a night owl and damn proud of it. I don't get everyone else. Does anyone honestly find waking in December while it's still dark out -- to go to a job that you likely detest -- NORMAL? Society has been brainwashed by the fucking farmers. Any urban, youthful person who finds it easy to wake anytime before 9am isn't living an urban, youthful life.

I DETEST mornings. I DETEST morning people and their excruciatingly rah-rah, sunny attitudes and condescending "look how productive I'VE been today!" manner. I think the 9 to 5 workday is a fucking joke. I think people who race to the gym at 5am are fucking morons. NUMEROUS studies show that exercise is best done in the late afternoon or evening. Oh, but they HAVE to do it then because "i'm so BUSY...my life is SO full and brimming with activity that 5am is the ONLY time I can lift a barbell." No, you're a fucking pretentious moron. I hate morning meetings. I hate morning talk show tapings. I hate jackass fucks who, when you're at the beach, insist on getting TO the beach at...yup, 9am. Um, dipshit, the ocean will still be there in the afternoon. And if you go THEN, you won't be bored to tears and tired out by the sun by noon. I hate people who HAVE to "get on the road" for that same beach trip as early as possible. I hate people who think they can only move out of their apartment at 8am on a Saturday morning. Know when I moved? As the sun was setting. And, wow, gee, it STILL got done!! I had a hell of a lot more energy at THAT hour of the day to move furniture up 3 flights. I hate ANYTHING at 9am. NO reason it can't be done at 3pm. NONE. Funerals...Christ, the worst offense. I mean, are they in a RUSH to be buried? WHY are funerals in the morning?!?!????!? PLEASE have mine after GENERAL HOSPITAL at 4pm. PLEASE!!! Slip the priest some extra cash to make this happen. I MUST draw up funeral provisions ASAP.

Sadly, I'll never be in the majority here. I'll continue cursing, raging, and living on less sleep than even I'D like because some dumb morning fuck is making me do some dumb morning thing after I went to bed at 4:30am, all the while calling me lazy and risking me snapping one day and beating them senseless, at which point i'll go, "NOW who's full of energy at the crack of dawn?!" So summing up, morning people make me sick. I just DON'T get you if you're a grown man or woman and going to bed before Letterman's over with. What are you, eleven? And what the fuck's with this eight hours of sleep bullshit during a workweek? Weekends, MAYBE. I'm touching on 2 things here...1) hating morning fuckers and all they represent and 2) not getting why many people have to sleep so much. I'll leave all you pompous, crack of dawn motherfuckers whining, weary, and utterly defeated when it comes to productivity and endurance. Sleep on THAT. Cheerio!! Oh, yes, here's that link...http://news.yahoo.com/s/space/20060323/sc_space/sleepdeprivationthegreatamericanmyth