I missed my high school reunion...but did anyone care?

I didn't go to my fifteen-year high school reunion. I 80% knew I wouldn't, given the circumstances...namely, that out of, oh, 210 (I counted yearbook photos just now) fellow students, I count one of them as a friend. ONE. A friend in the "having someone to go with" sense. And I DID ask him...via email. No reply. Sadly, I don't even regularly keep in touch with HIM, either. So THAT was my big issue. I wasn't gonna walk into a reunion having NO idea who'd be there...after generally detesting high school to begin with. Detest is a strong word. There's certainly people I'd enjoy seeing...LOVE talking to. But I have no idea if they'd be there. And as much as I'd like seeing them, I haven't seen or spoken to them in more than a decade. I'm not close to ANYONE from high school. That's the way the cookie crumbles. I'm perfectly fine with that. I just kind of resented that this reunion threw that little fact in my face and reminded me of my old self. But that's what it IS...my OLD self. Another life. Over and done. Just pisses me off that these people never got me. Most of them, anyway. Again, some I liked. I guess my worst nightmare would be to walk in and see the SAME groups of tight little friends all talking amongst themselves, as SUPERCLOSE as ever...and then in walks me...alone, with NO clique to run to. No ONE to run to. Just standing there staring at all of them. "SO, how are all your babies?," I'd blurt, dripping with sarcasm and not giving a flying shit. I wasn't a jock. I wasn't a preppy girl with the jock boyfriend. I wasn't a cheerleader. I wasn't from Downneck. I wasn't a longhaired stoner. I wasn't even a nerd. I was NOTHING. I fit in with NO ONE. My high school was like one giant John Hughes cliche, and woe is you if you didn't fit one of those cliches. Anyone who thinks i'm bitter and that I was the problem...that person was likely one of the untouchables of the groups above and, thus, will never get where i'm coming from. For 4 years, I scratched and clawed my way up the social ladder as far as I could get -- and actually DID achieve a measure of popularity by graduation day. I even attended THE party of parties that night, complete with cops, nudity and a pool. What more do you need? Yes, senior year WAS pretty damn good...relatively. But i'd never go back. Ever. I'd like to have walked in tonight...with all my hair, as fit as ever, in my most dapper duds, and more confident than I ever dreamed I could be...just to show them all. But show who? If it was me against All of Them again, I'd be that same guy with nothing to say, walking in alone like a loser. Ugh. It just wasn't a risk I wanted to take. I hate that I've even wasted so much time and energy on this. And, frankly, i'm very tired and my head is spinning, and I don't think this is nearly as eloquent as it could be. I can't forget to mention that I did TWO drive-bys tonight, lol. I THINK I saw some people I knew. Truly beyond surreal...lurking in a car, watching people walk into your own high school reunion. Yeah, i'm a little different. I also perused my yearbook...going through every picture like it was the season finale of SURVIVOR, where they linger on each person's pic and say a few words. My experience was more like "no interest, no interest, no interest...now HE was a nice guy...and SHE was a nice girl...no interest, no interest, no interest...." SO...I resolve to look at it positively. My HOPE is that I WAS missed...by at least a couple of people. I'll look at my absence as lending an air of mystery to my legend, lol. And if I wasn't missed, who cares. These people mean nothing to my present-day life anyway. I'd prefer the former...yet the latter is the cold-hard truth. I'm just tired of thinking about this. And yet, despite everything I just said, life experience tells me that I may yet be surprised by how much some of these people come to mean to me. I'm thinking some random, one on one run-in at a bar or something that results in a newfound respect and understanding. One never knows. THAT is something I know by now.