The inexplicable sensation that is GOLF

Can someone PLEASE explain to me the incredibly vast appeal of this UTTERLY dull (to play and CERTAINLY to watch) "sport"? Actually, don't bother, because I've heard it all before, and it never makes sense. EVERYONE loves it. Everyone. My dad, my brother, cousins, uncles, friends, mortal enemies. I tried it once...finally...2 years ago, and after about an hour, I was through with it and ready to call it a day. But, no, we had about 5 more hours left. I wanted to shoot myself. I'm truly convinced some people who say they love it DON'T...they're just...I don't even know what the reasoning could be to lie. It's just a day out...and you can do ANYthing to be outside all day. Why GOLF? Good exercise, people will argue. Better than laying in bed? Sure. But all you're fucking doing is walking...IF you're even doing that, as many drive around in carts, negating ANY exercise excuse. And most people who golf SUCK. So they suck at the sport, never get much better, and could just go for a long walk or drive on a beautiful day and get just as much exercise. I'd rather do ANYthing but golf. Anything. I hate it! Detest it! Don't EVER ask me to go. It's boring as sin and you're all fooling yourselves. And it's NOT a real sport. And I hate Tiger Woods. But I DO love mini-golf...go figure!