My wonderful last Saturday evening of August!

I actually left the house, navigating the idiot masses, and came back HAPPIER! So, let's recap the wonderful things that happened between 5:45pm and 9pm sharp. Now while it's like fucking Manila outside with this humidity, I yearned for...a swamp. First I went to the meadowlands nature reserve and walked around the trails...COMPLETELY ALONE! I saw a groundhog...or something...and relished the soothing tranquility of water and plantlife. From there, I took a non-speeding drive through my old high school hood, my zigzagging destination being McDonald's, as I really had no dinner at home to make. Too hot to cook anyway. Now I had this coupon where I'd get a free burger if I bought a Big Mac or quarter pounder. So at first the girl's all "oh, I gotta see if we can accept this." I patiently wait, still amazingly non-flustered. Well, she soon came back and took my order for the quarter pounder with cheese. And a medium fries, too, thanks. Then I hear my total...$1.81. Um, what? The quarter pounder alone was $3.19. I gleefully hand over my $2, not asking questions. My bag comes...the burger's not in it, but who cares. THEN she gives me a cup. Our eyes lock for a split second, as she's seemingly just realizing I didn't ORDER a drink. Too late, bitch...I grab the cup, thank her, and walk away. So what she did was deduct the entire cost of the quarter pounder, solely charge me for the fries, then give me a medium cup for a drink I didn't order. FUCKING YEAH, BABY!! All of that SHOULD have cost me more than 6 bucks. Holy right move going to McD's tonight! Satiated after eating my dinner in the air-conditioned car, I proceeded to Barnes & Noble, which really was a last-minute idea, as I feared it'd be a hellish mob scene at 8pm on a Saturday. But I was close by, so in I went. You see, I was making a return...of a big ass dumb book I swiped from work. Why it took 4 months for me to hatch this plot is beyond me. My genius, as i've said, is sometimes delayed. "Yeah, I was told they got it here, but I don't have a receipt." Ding, ding, ding...no problem, sir!! *I interject to say how I very quickly found a parking spot, and then sailed RIGHT up to the cashier...no waiting!* My $30 book was somehow now only worth half that, not that I ever spent a cent on it. I zipped right to the maps section and wound up with maps of Essex County and the Bronx, plus a birthday card...94 cents for all. YAY! And NOW I have a Barnes bag for my OTHER book, which I'll also "return" soon. A final plot I hatched tonight, but haven't put into motion yet -- my McD's cup...why not SAVE it and bring it to McD's whenever the fuck I want for FREE BEVERAGES?!?! I'd have to be a bit subtle, but it's entirely doable. Damn, WHY did I not think of this before now?! Once home, I took off my sticky wife-beater and helped myself to a heaping of cookie dough ice cream. I can't express how FUCKING SATISFYING this night has been! And it's only 10:30. I think i'll have a beer now...