25 YEARS AGO TODAY...

Grandma died. Being like Rain Man with dates, it's not like i'm just putting the figures together for the first time. But for some reason, it's not something i've been dwelling on for weeks. I really wasn't thinking about it much at all...until this evening when it dawned on me that that's why mom and dad went to church tonight instead of the usual Sunday appointment...there was a mass in my grandmother's name. And THEN I dwelled on it...that turning point day in my young life...as I sat finishing dinner in HER old house...a house I likely wouldn't have grown up in if she hadn't died. How the bloody hell can 25 years have gone by? I then began obsessing on how the next 25 years are gonna fly, and we'll all be dead before we know it. Cheery things like that. It's certainly a milestone anniversary of a milestone day. And i'd be a fool NOT to (further) grasp time's relentless march. It's funny...overall, today was great...productive and lucrative. I'm far from depressed. I even spent tons of time landscaping at my cousins', recalling for the first time in years how I used to watch their house being built as an 8-year-old...and today I was maintaining it. The whole full circle thing. I really WAS an odd child...going off to stare from across the street at bricks being cemented, one after the other...very soothing, lol. And so my obsession with linear lines and order began early. And I was doing yardwork for a first cousin of my grandmother...who is roughly the age, 89, my grandmother would be today. So strange. Yes, she died young...something you realize more fully with time. God, there's TOO much to go into...too many odd parallels to how I spent today. I don't even know why i'm writing this here...Christ, I'm violating my "don't reveal too much!" clause. The weather certainly couldn't be more different from 1981. Then, it was in the 50s during the day with a brisk wind and variable clouds and sun. Today, it was 75 and muggy and felt like August. In fact, I went to Pathmark a short time ago in flip-flops and a sleeveless shirt...at 2:30am on the first day of fall. It truly feels like mid-summer. Ok, i'm done...need to sleep. I found a dollar (dammit, WHY can't I ever find a $20?!) outside my parents' house when I left tonight. I had to laugh as I saw it...ALMOST like Gram was watching out for me...xoxo.