A new benchmark for my roommate's staggering stupidity -- seriously, i'm NOT kidding

I've long maintained that every syllable of every rant I ever make, on here OR in person, is absolutely warranted. I don't LIKE being angry or stressed. I much prefer the ZEN portion of this blog's title. I'm not even angry now, but I have a short anecdote to share that perfectly illustrates how utterly foreign the domestic sciences are to my dipshit of a hick-town-in-western-NJ-raised roomie, THUS why I'm so consistently enraged at his inability to move about the house unlike a retarded, blind 4-year-old. SO...i'm VERY ready to enjoy my 3rd cup of tea of the day and proceed to turn the teapot on. Dipshit is also in the kitchen, readying HIS coffee. Two seconds after I turn on the teapot, I lift the pot up to gauge the water level. It needs more, I determine. So I lift up said teapot and bring it to the sink to fill it up. Next thing I hear is "oh, so THAT'S what happens?!" Cue me puzzled beyond human belief. Dipshit proceeds to say "I always wondered what would happen if you turned on the burner without anything underneath it...I always assumed the flames would like shoot up toward the ceiling or something." Is everyone reading this as open-mouthed flabbergasted as I was? Are you TELLING me that a 30-and-a-half-year-old man has never in his LIFE turned on a stovetop burner without something "covering it," for fear the flames would get instantly out of hand and engulf the house?!?!?!? Are you TELLING me this, LORD, on Good Friday?!?! Jesus, I NEED you now! God forbid the pilot light ever went out on his watch...he'd be gassed to death before he figured out how to fix it. I'd come home and find him twitching on the kitchen floor, whereupon I'd cover my face with a wet cloth, take a cigarette lighter to the burner, call 911 for Dipshit, then proceed to check my email. Surely he doesn't even know it's CALLED a pilot light. So after he said this, I just giggled, muttered "no," and swiftly moved toward the computer to begin detailing his immense stupidity for all to read about. I just...I just...it's just so beyond incredible to me. Yet it makes even more sense now that he doesn't know how to wash a dish or is even aware that adults should, like, DUST now and then. STAGGERING.