The Silence
It almost makes me weepy. I'm kinda kidding, because in actuality, i'm too CHILLED OUT to weep. The serenity I feel is almost surreal. It's 3:45am and so, so, SO still. Wonderful! I've been a different person since Dipshit's Thursday evening exit. I feel guilty even leaving the house, so wanting to cherish every waking minute sans CHAOTIC INSANITY. I've done so much reading and thinking. God, I love it. I'll again state how I'm vaguely scared by how much I enjoy being alone. It certainly doesn't bode well for a marriage and family anytime REMOTELY soon. Or, hell, even friends. HA! Well, that's another story...that I'm too ZEN to get into. Grrrrr...evil suburban friends. I really don't get how so many people are intoxicated by another human being constantly by their side. OY.
And yet -- another rambling anecdote -- I got rid of an old Mossimo short-sleeve shirt today. Brought it to Goodwill. Damn, it used to look so good on me...fit perfectly snug, as so few shirts do. But it's old and I haven't worn it in years. And I need room for New Gary Clothes. So in trying to figure out what year I got that shirt (see, HERE'S the point slowly coming...), I found myself quickly leafing through endless summer pictures from 1996 through 2001. I'm SURE I got it in the 90s, but the earliest evidence is 2000. Still, that's 8 years. BUT...I found myself YEARNING for tons of people in my life again like I used to have. Wahhhhh...lonely Gary.
Let me be clear...it wasn't even necessarily the people in the pics I wanted BACK in my life...though certainly in some cases, that's true. Some I have no desire to see again. My point is...the ongoing tug-of-war between the bliss that I feel when alone vs. a genuine social DNA. But i've always been like this. Sure, I could go off in anger toward people who don't call, write, CARE anymore, or wax melancholic over old beach house people I'd love to see but HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEIR LAST NAMES EVEN ARE. But I'll just stick to the Solitary Unabomber vs. Social Butterfly juxtaposition I'm always battling within. 4:11AM...DARK AND SILENT...TV ON MUTE...LIGHTS ARE OUT...ONLY THE GLOW OF THE TV AND COMPUTER...
And yet -- another rambling anecdote -- I got rid of an old Mossimo short-sleeve shirt today. Brought it to Goodwill. Damn, it used to look so good on me...fit perfectly snug, as so few shirts do. But it's old and I haven't worn it in years. And I need room for New Gary Clothes. So in trying to figure out what year I got that shirt (see, HERE'S the point slowly coming...), I found myself quickly leafing through endless summer pictures from 1996 through 2001. I'm SURE I got it in the 90s, but the earliest evidence is 2000. Still, that's 8 years. BUT...I found myself YEARNING for tons of people in my life again like I used to have. Wahhhhh...lonely Gary.
Let me be clear...it wasn't even necessarily the people in the pics I wanted BACK in my life...though certainly in some cases, that's true. Some I have no desire to see again. My point is...the ongoing tug-of-war between the bliss that I feel when alone vs. a genuine social DNA. But i've always been like this. Sure, I could go off in anger toward people who don't call, write, CARE anymore, or wax melancholic over old beach house people I'd love to see but HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEIR LAST NAMES EVEN ARE. But I'll just stick to the Solitary Unabomber vs. Social Butterfly juxtaposition I'm always battling within. 4:11AM...DARK AND SILENT...TV ON MUTE...LIGHTS ARE OUT...ONLY THE GLOW OF THE TV AND COMPUTER...
posted by Gregoire at 12:42 AM
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