Grown men...now like 12-year-old girls or Lucy & Ethel

This is my analysis of GROWN MEN ON CELL PHONES. I REALLY just never tire of being infuriated by the prevalence of cell phone usage. And as much as ANYone who abuses them grates on my last nerve, the worst offenders are adult men. I AM one of them, yet am rarely compelled to talk to another living soul. But apparently a lot of "buddies" need to talk to each other...to update each other on every pressing move and thought pattern. Like, say, DIPSHIT. Awww, I'm picking on him mercilessly lately, aren't I? Eh, he deserves all of it. He's not evil...just unspeakably agiting -- let's be clear on that. But say it's a Sunday...he'll be on the phone to an endless stream of "buds"...going through a play-by-play on the night before like he's Carrie Bradshaw. All he needs to do to complete the comparison is lay on his bed on his stomach, feet in the air behind him as he coquettishly twirls his hair. It's just fucking ridiculous. The Wall Street fuckwads who blather endlessly on the train after work...don't you want PEACE AND QUIET after yet another long day of work? Apparently not. And ABOUT that train talking? How the FUCK do you even HEAR the person at the other end?! I mean, I could be in a motherfucking cornfield in the dead of night and have trouble hearing, so I often find myself just staring in awe at the seemingly perfectly audible pointless chitchat ensuing as the train screeches violently. Of course, they're talking obnoxiously loud, too...signifying to their trainmates JUST. HOW. IMPORTANT. THEY. ARE. Just yesterday, actually, on a BUS (shoot me)...it reached another level of outrageousness...foot stomping to highlight JUST how relevant certain points were. Now the culprit was a queeny Latin gay man...i'll let it go at that. I DID wanna take a club to his fucking head, though. Not to mention his legs. Stunning...on SO many levels, just stunning. SO many men...just like giddy schoolgirls or middle-aged housewives...Lucy & Ethel, if you will. Hey, American men, get on the TEXTING train, would ya?! PLEASE. My blood pressure depends upon it. This way, the rest of us don't need to HEAR pertinent information such as "I'm on the train now...yeah, the train...the PATH...yeah."