Lessons from my restorative weekend in well-mannered, upper crust Fairfield County, CT...
1) Rawhide dog toys are made out of pig dick. *Though when I googled this, I kept coming up with BULL PENIS. Oh, and pig dick is shaped like a corkscrew...I also learned that.
2) It's best to know how to get to your destination before you get in the car.
3) GPS devices (and, um, haven't I said this 237 times?) are NOT comparable to the human mind and will sometimes take you for miles down an unpaved road in the woods.
4) New England breakfasts are always better when fresh berries are served.
5) No amount of mold is EVER acceptable in a jelly jar. Do NOT eat such jelly!
6) Mexican meals are always better when accompanied by costumed singing guitar duos.
7) Said costumed singing guitar duos would appreciate it if you looked at them and registered any kind of emotion while they stand next to your table singing to you.
8) There's only so many ways to make your back deck roomier without adding on to it.
9) Toddlers should be tended to by an endlessly patient and nurturing third party while their parents sit down at length to discuss new kitchen fixtures at high-end stores.
10) If your slow-moving marine craft is nearing a speeding one, stop movement or retreat so as not to risk severe, capsize-risking rocking from the sudden high waves.
11) The pungent smell of marijuana mixes unevenly with the invigorating, salty ocean air.
12) When docking a boat, all parties should be prepped and alert to avoid smashing into a neighboring one. If not, screaming and profanity will ensue.
13) There's only so many shades of blue and white paint swatches one can stare at before wanting to scream I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!
14) Disobedient dogs will suffer the fate of an electrified fence...usually set up as early as possible on a Saturday morning.
15) Asian delivery men need assistance finding houses on unlit winding roads.
16) Pregnant women late for their doctor's appointment will think nothing of illegally pulling up onto the sidewalk at a busy intersection when dropping you off somewhere.
*I'm sure there's many more lessons, but these are just off the top of my tired (but in a good, Puritan work ethic way) head.
2) It's best to know how to get to your destination before you get in the car.
3) GPS devices (and, um, haven't I said this 237 times?) are NOT comparable to the human mind and will sometimes take you for miles down an unpaved road in the woods.
4) New England breakfasts are always better when fresh berries are served.
5) No amount of mold is EVER acceptable in a jelly jar. Do NOT eat such jelly!
6) Mexican meals are always better when accompanied by costumed singing guitar duos.
7) Said costumed singing guitar duos would appreciate it if you looked at them and registered any kind of emotion while they stand next to your table singing to you.
8) There's only so many ways to make your back deck roomier without adding on to it.
9) Toddlers should be tended to by an endlessly patient and nurturing third party while their parents sit down at length to discuss new kitchen fixtures at high-end stores.
10) If your slow-moving marine craft is nearing a speeding one, stop movement or retreat so as not to risk severe, capsize-risking rocking from the sudden high waves.
11) The pungent smell of marijuana mixes unevenly with the invigorating, salty ocean air.
12) When docking a boat, all parties should be prepped and alert to avoid smashing into a neighboring one. If not, screaming and profanity will ensue.
13) There's only so many shades of blue and white paint swatches one can stare at before wanting to scream I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!
14) Disobedient dogs will suffer the fate of an electrified fence...usually set up as early as possible on a Saturday morning.
15) Asian delivery men need assistance finding houses on unlit winding roads.
16) Pregnant women late for their doctor's appointment will think nothing of illegally pulling up onto the sidewalk at a busy intersection when dropping you off somewhere.
*I'm sure there's many more lessons, but these are just off the top of my tired (but in a good, Puritan work ethic way) head.
posted by Gregoire at 7:59 PM
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