How many times can the couple next door irritate me in 3 hours?
If you guessed 3, you're right. Let's recap, beginning with who they are...and i'm not really sure. I know the girl lives there and is relatively new to the apartment. Probably no older than 25. Today's the first i've seen her with a beau, who's fond of track pants today and looks like he's still in college.
So, FIRST they annoy me when I return from the gym and ShopRite and I see them on the porch. That alone would be enough...The Season of Porch Sitting creating awkward conversational/avoidance encounters for me. But they went further. I had to endure watching them make out as she draped her legs across her beau's lap. So that's all actually THREE strikes in ONE, but i'll just count it as one. This was at around 5:30pm.
Flashing forward to 8pm, as I take in the beautiful night air by going to my front window, I spy him arriving on foot out front, soon followed by her hustling with shopping bags. And then it got fun/agitating...they began arguing. Loudly. Not SUPER loudly; I mean, cops didn't need to be called. But very obviously having a spat. I heard the word DICK loud and clear come out of her mouth. Now I cannot STAND people who argue in public. ANYwhere. ESPECIALLY in front of your own house, where you're making an ass of yourselves in front of your neighbors. Have some fucking discretion and self-control. Because of this one incident, this girl will now be labeled Stupid Fucking Drama Queen Bitch in my mind. And i'll dislike her. I HATE public displays of affection and I HATE people whose relationship has to be a soap opera for others to view.
Which brings me to the THIRD thing this Heidi & Spencer-esque idiot duo did...make up. On the front porch steps, of course. Why go inside for ANYthing? So -- not that I watched the WHOLE thing -- they then proceeded to have the Long Dramatic Talk that deftly segued into long kisses and hugs and gentle backrubbing. ALL. ON. THE. FRONT. STEPS. Ugh. People, take it the fuck inside. I do NOT wanna see you doing ANYthing but walking in and out of your house. So, yeah, don't linger on the front porch, either...I don't need the pressure of deciding whether to acknowledge you or not.
So, FIRST they annoy me when I return from the gym and ShopRite and I see them on the porch. That alone would be enough...The Season of Porch Sitting creating awkward conversational/avoidance encounters for me. But they went further. I had to endure watching them make out as she draped her legs across her beau's lap. So that's all actually THREE strikes in ONE, but i'll just count it as one. This was at around 5:30pm.
Flashing forward to 8pm, as I take in the beautiful night air by going to my front window, I spy him arriving on foot out front, soon followed by her hustling with shopping bags. And then it got fun/agitating...they began arguing. Loudly. Not SUPER loudly; I mean, cops didn't need to be called. But very obviously having a spat. I heard the word DICK loud and clear come out of her mouth. Now I cannot STAND people who argue in public. ANYwhere. ESPECIALLY in front of your own house, where you're making an ass of yourselves in front of your neighbors. Have some fucking discretion and self-control. Because of this one incident, this girl will now be labeled Stupid Fucking Drama Queen Bitch in my mind. And i'll dislike her. I HATE public displays of affection and I HATE people whose relationship has to be a soap opera for others to view.
Which brings me to the THIRD thing this Heidi & Spencer-esque idiot duo did...make up. On the front porch steps, of course. Why go inside for ANYthing? So -- not that I watched the WHOLE thing -- they then proceeded to have the Long Dramatic Talk that deftly segued into long kisses and hugs and gentle backrubbing. ALL. ON. THE. FRONT. STEPS. Ugh. People, take it the fuck inside. I do NOT wanna see you doing ANYthing but walking in and out of your house. So, yeah, don't linger on the front porch, either...I don't need the pressure of deciding whether to acknowledge you or not.
posted by Gregoire at 5:25 PM
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