Struggling through Christmas Eve mass...again

Man, I am OFFICIALLY so NOT a practicing Catholic anymore. It's interesting...I reviewed my blog from last Xmas Eve and was shocked to find that I actually "got" something from mass. Well, I got NOTHING tonight. There was not a MOMENT that I enjoyed being there. I don't mean to imply it was misery...it's just one hour out of my year. But I believe nothing and get nothing. The choir annoyed me. The decorations...eh, seen them MANY times before...nothing new and exciting. And the congregants? Christ (no pun intended), the turnout was pathetic. Worst I've ever seen. At least when it's crowded, there's people watching and maybe running into old chums or foes. I was so completely bored. And vaguely depressed. I just hate being in that church...too many memories. To top it off, there was a bum in the side aisle to the right of us...who stank like he soaked in a tub of urine for 6 hours before he came. I instantly noticed the smell, but it somehow took a bit for my parents and brother to catch on...first to the smell, then to the cause. I instantaneously assessed it as "homeless smell," and found the culprit with a quick glance around. There was a brief humorous moment when my brother took my subtle "THAT way!" head jerk to mean that it was MOM who stank. No, no, mom smelled pretty...wasn't her. Sigh. Just one hour a YEAR, Gary, one hour a year...kept saying that to myself. But the whole thing kinda symbolized how ALL of Christmas has changed to me...the passage of time and all its consequences...ugh. Funny how I still got communion, though. Hell, I was hungry...and itching to leave the pew. I then proceeded to giggle up the entire aisle like a 12-year-old, greatly amused first by the insertion of bells into a hymn, and then by what I ascertained to be "unmannered public schoolers" engaging in hugs and handshakes as they passed each other in the communion line. I PRAYED I'd find my composure by the time the priest placed the Body of Christ into my hands...and I did. WHEW! It was a close call, though. Will I be 50 and laughing inappropriately at mass? I can only hope. So Christmas Eve 2007 has come and gone...and...and...well, it's just not the fun it used to be. Though I say that in a Resigned Adult Way; I'm actually in a pretty good, calm mood...despite the fact that WINGS has somehow scored a slot on TV Land's late night schedule. Alrighty, time for egg nog and one final gift wrap before bed. Gotta get to sleep before Santa comes!