I need a new FUCKING cord!

You know how Susie Essman used the word FUCK last night on CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM? That's how I felt this afternoon...hmm, but i'm getting off-topic...THAT issue was over lawn mowers. My title refers to my computer...which is fine, as is my internet connection. What I NEED is a fucking cord to turn the motherfucker ON. It got crushed last week in a typically pointless manner, and now i'm sans computer access at home again as I hunt in vain for this fucking piece of shit archaic power cord, which I don't believe exists anymore. So what the FUCK am I supposed to do? And why does DELL not have a FUCKING store to sell parts? Why does EVERYTHING have to be a GODDAMN FUCKING problem?! It's not like my laptop's from 1985...it's from like '98 or '99. Ugh. I'm SO bloody fucking frustrated. I NEED a computer at home...NOW!! I have things like "HOW LONG CAN A MAN WALK AROUND WITH A FUCKING HERNIA?" to google. And don't even start me on the lawn mowers...which I shouldn't even have been NEAR with a HERNIA. Did I mention I have a fucking hernia? FUCK THIS!! In better news, i'm currently loaded with more cash than i've had in ages and being verrrrrry prudent about what to do with it. Won't matter much if my hernia becomes strangulated and I drop dead within 6 hours...